


S H U T    D O W N

by Far_Away_From_Sane



Category: K-pop, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Abnegation Faction, Abusive Parents, Action/Adventure, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternative Universe - Divergent AU, Amity Faction, Badass Seo Changbin, Candor Faction, Dauntless Faction, Divergent AU, Erudite Faction, Everyone loves Yang Jeongin, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kim Seungmin has no filter, Later On lol, M/M, Rating May Change, Shy Yang Jeongin, kind of, probably, some got7 members in the future, team as a family, there's not much love in the beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 01:17:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 57,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14124996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Far_Away_From_Sane/pseuds/Far_Away_From_Sane
Summary: When Jeongin chose Dauntless, the faction of the brave, he thought he would learn how to fight, meet his brother again, gain some confidence and live a slightly more dangerous life than before. That's about it. What he hadn't counted on was to be swept into a war between the factions, and he certainly hadn't expected to somehow end up in the middle of it all with eight brothers by his side. Divergent AU.





	1. Black Clothing

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for clicking on this story! I'm so proud of our leader Chan for being so strong and finally debuting! Also...District 9 is lit I highly recommend the song (and the entire album!!!)
> 
> Anyways, let's get on with it, shall we?  
> I hope you enjoy! <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An introduction to Yang Jeongin as well as an unexpected meeting and budding friendships.

Many years ago, long before Jeongin was born, war raged and the world was in pieces. The people were divided, opposing opinions making it impossible to form peace between them. Some blamed selfishness for human nature’s error and they formed Abnegation, a faction made to serve and help others, to let go of all the wants in life and to focus on giving. Some blamed cowardice for society’s problems and they created Dauntless because they believed that the only way to fight society’s issues was to face your fears and find bravery.

Others blamed ignorance for the faults of society, therefore, they created Erudite as a way to fight the ignorance and lack of knowledge. Some people blamed the cruel nature of the human race for the issues they were facing, so they created Amity, the peaceful faction free from conflict and sadness caused by wars and instigation. Another group of people claimed that duplicity, deception and dishonesty is the key to the faults in human nature and the reason for war and evil and so they created Candor.

Jeongin’s entire family has come from Amity, his parents were born and raised in the peaceful faction as well as his grandparents and most likely his grandparents’ parents, but he’s never bothered to ask. His family had it well in Amity, they worked like everyone else and helped around the community like everyone else; all except his brother.

Three years ago Jeongin’s brother transferred factions, which was a surprise to the entire community but no one was as shocked as their parents. His brother switched to Dauntless who are more or less known for not being kind and peaceful, resulting in his family banning his name and never speaking of him again. Completely pushing him out of their lives and pretending he never existed, much to the displeasure of Jeongin who adored his brother, still does.

After the departure of his brother, his family went south. His grandfather passed away of old age but Jeongin’s father claimed it was because he couldn’t handle the shock of his traitorous grandson. Jeongin’s own father stopped eating Amity’s famous bread because it had always been his brother’s favourite, but he hadn’t been counting on the repercussions; not getting any of the peace serum anymore made him violent, angry and cruel.

Jeongin tried to ignore it at first, tried to ignore the way his father would sneer whenever he opened his mouth and the way he would yell at him for making one mistake, whether it be in the fields or at home, he tried to ignore the way his grips on his arms would leave bruises or the way he would sometimes kick him awake hard enough for his ribs to hurt for a while. It didn't take long for him to become more violent, but Jeongin worked through it- it wasn't that bad. But the last drop came when he got so drunk he could barely stand, and he slapped him right cross the face hard enough to leave a bruise on the poor boy’s cheek, he had never touched Jeongin's face before, only bruised his body, his father apologized right after, claimed he didn’t mean to hit him but Jeongin was already in tears. And call it whatever you want, Jeongin would call it a mother’s instinct, but his mother came rushing through the door like she had heard the slap all the way from the fields and when she saw her youngest son, tears running down his cheeks and clutching the left side of his face she knew what had happened; and despite the love she had for her husband, her son came first.

Jeongin’s father was banned from Amity, sent to live on the streets with the rest of the factionless and Jeongin cried, cried day and night for his father and for his hyung who have both left him. Of course, he still had his mother, but she was too busy with work to focus on him, she wasn’t neglectful, but the nurturing love she used to have seemed to have left her system, and left was the ghost of the person she used to be. Hollow and quiet; his grandma told him she wasn’t surprised when her daughter died, she told him that it had only been a matter of time before she ran out of energy to keep on living. Jeongin never really understood how his mother died, but from the way his grandma kept him away from a certain tree behind the playground, he could only guess.

He was thirteen when his brother left Amity to Join Dauntless and his grandfather died, he was thirteen and a half when his father hit him and was banned from the faction, and he was fourteen when his mother passed away. But now he’s fifteen going on sixteen and his aptitude test is tomorrow, Jeongin has no doubt about what faction he’s gonna end up joining, but he’s unsure of what his test will say because despite how much he wants to leave Amity to join his brother in Dauntless, he doesn’t know if he’s cut out for it.

He’s never been much for fighting, of course, barely anyone in Amity is, but even as children they play rough just like in any other faction, but he was always too small or too weak to join them and it often resulted in him sitting on a small swing in the tiny playground all by himself.

A smack to the head pushes him out of his thoughts and he quickly dodges another smack from his surprisingly strong grandma, “ma! Why’d you do that?” he whines while rubbing at his sore head, “if you would do your work instead of slacking off and daydreaming I wouldn’t have to,” she responds and Jeongin sulks angrily while picking up his fallen sunhat from the ground.

“How can I not daydream? The test is tomorrow and-” he’s cut off by a sharp look from his grandmother telling him to shut up, “what about the test? You already know what you’ll get, there’s no need to worry,” her voice turns softer at the end but Jeongin can tell that she’s not completely over it. While looking at her he starts to feel guilty for even thinking about leaving, how can he leave her all alone here when there’s no one left to take care of her? Not that she’s in need of any special care, she’s stronger than Jeongin himself, but even the strongest of people need someone next to them.

“Yeah, Amity it is,” he mumbles more so to himself than to her but she smiles at him kindly and reaches over to ruffle his hair, “you’re as Amity as they come, my boy,,” she says lovingly and Jeongin tries to ignore the constant thoughts in his head saying “if you’re so Amity, how come you’re planning on joining another faction?” but it’s all he can think about. All his life he’s been told that he’ll never be anything else but Amity, that he’s too kind, too pure, too...peaceful- Jeongin has come to hate that word. There will never be complete peace.

She’s bending down to dig up yet another potato when Jeongin decides that it’s time to ask the million dollar question, fully aware that she’ll either start yelling at him or fall silent, “what if I don’t pick Amity?” it’s such a simple question, so few words in such a short time, but the meaning they hold is gigantic, especially to his grandmother, and if his grandfather was here to hear his words- Jeongin can’t even imagine the scolding he’d get.

“What if you...don’t pick Amity?” she asks back carefully, brown eyes blown wide like she can’t believe what she’s hearing, Jeongin nods slowly, hesitantly. She’s looking at him like she’s trying to figure a math equation out and Jeongin hides away from her powerful gaze, he’s never been one for confrontation.

She sighs deeply and puts a hand on her hip, she’s avoiding his eyes now, Jeongin can tell because she’s looking out over the fields as if in deep thought but ever so often she’ll sneak a glance at him, “if you don’t pick Amity then...then you’re not a Hwang anymore,” she speaks steadily, seriously, which has Jeongin holding his breath in shock and a little fear. Because that’s what happened to his brother, he was stripped of his family name, left alone with his own given name with no connection to the rest of them whatsoever; if he hasn’t changed it already- Jeongin wonders.

She goes back to work just as the words leave her mouth and it’s clear that she does her best to avoid looking at him which leaves no room for questions from Jeongin and so he’s left to ponder over her words by himself, he doesn’t know what to think of it. But one thing is made clear for him, he now understands why his brother never bothered to come back, to visit even for a second. Jeongin knows that the general rule goes ‘faction before blood’, but no one can completely forget where they come from, and his brother was never one to follow rules so strictly so he would have expected him to sneak out at least once just to see him, but seeing him would mean seeing the rest of the family- Jeongin understands now that that was something his brother just couldn’t do; couldn’t bear to meet the family that had so easily disowned him.

Jeongin often wonders about it, he was only thirteen back then but it was clear even to him that his brother didn’t feel at home in Amity, he knew without knowing the test results that he would transfer. However, he wonders why Dauntless was so bad according to his parents and grandparents, after all, Amity is the peaceful faction, the kind one, the understanding one. But there was nothing peaceful about the way they parted, the way they disowned their eldest because of his choice, or the way they forced Jeongin to forget him.For people preaching love and understanding they had very little themselves, and that infuriated Jeongin, and it continues to infuriate him even to this day.

He still has memories of his brother, still remembers how he would always help him whether it be with homework or if he couldn’t reach something up on the shelf, his brother was always there for him. And now he’s been gone for three years, how has he been? Jeongin wonders, has he been eating well? Getting enough sleep? The questions are endless.

The only way for Jeongin to meet his brother is to join him, and despite what his grandmother might say, he knows that’s what he has to do.

The following morning is a lot more hectic than the usual mornings, it’s not as bad as Jeongin remembers the day of the actual choosing ceremony to be, but it’s close. There’s a lot of tension as his class walks towards the train that's waiting for them, some girls are whispering to each other, betting on what their results will say and some boys are loudly claiming that they’ll be sorted Dauntless while others tell them to be quiet and stop speaking nonsense, it’s a very divided group and Jeongin feels out of place. Because Jeongin already knows his choice, no matter what his test says he’s the most fitted for.

When the train starts rolling most of his classmates press up against the windows to look out at the wall and the incoming city ahead of them, but Jeongin stays in the middle. It’s no secret to everyone that his brother transferred to Dauntless, and while that doesn’t bother him, what bothers him is that they know what happened to his family afterwards. Everyone’s nice enough to pretend they don’t, but Jeongin knows they know. He knew it as soon as they returned from the choosing ceremony and they gave him pitiful looks, he knew it when his friends gave him looks when he grabbed the bread in the dining hall, he knew it the minute he came to class the day after his father was thrown out- he lost a lot of friends after the whole ordeal. But they’ve never been mean to him, or purposefully ignored him, however, they’ve never tried to initiate anything with him either.

There’s a chorus of wows as the train starts to slow down and Jeongin can’t understand how they’re already there in such short time but his question is quickly answered when the doors to the train open and a swarm of black and white falls in, looking equally as surprised as Jeongin himself. He’s never met anyone from another factor before unless you count the random guards from Dauntless occasionally searching their homes for factionless.

Jeongin’s shocked over how grown up they all look, it’s most likely the sharp and pristine clothes they’re wearing which look very adult compared to Jeongin’s own yellow hoodie and green harem pants that he’s wearing. He presses closer to the pole in the middle that he’s clinging to as more Candor kids press into the train and he thinks himself safe when they all head towards the windows, however, it’s short-lived as a mop of light brown hair flies straight into him and tackles them both to the floor.

“Aw fuck,” the voice, surprisingly deep for someone the same age as Jeongin, says and tries to push himself up so that he’s not putting all his weight on Jeongin, “sorry man, I was racing,” he speaks as if that would explain everything but at least he helps Jeongin up so Jeongin’s not too annoyed with the bruises forming on his elbows.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s okay,” Jeongin mumbles, unused to speaking to others other than his grandmother, and certainly not anyone from another faction. When they’re both standing up on their feet again Jeongin get’s a good look at his attacker and is surprised over how young he looks, he had expected someone much bigger to be the owner of that voice.

The boy reaches forward and starts wiping imaginary dust off of Jeongin’s shoulders and Jeongin freezes up under the touch of the stranger, “it’s really not okay, you don’t have to pretend it is,” he says and Jeongin immediately recognizes one of the most prominent traits of Candor, honesty- or lack of filter. See, a normal person (normal by Jeongin’s Amity standards) would apologize and then Jeongin would say ‘it’s okay’ and then they would drop it, or, the person would offer him something like an apple from that day’s harvest or maybe even dinner with the family. But Candor, Jeongin can tell, aren’t much for holding back.

“Felix! I meant race as in let’s see whose line would make it into the train first not who out of us two you idiot! Because if you remember, we were standing in two straight lines until you decided to run off on your own and crash into the poor guy,” someone says from behind Felix and Felix turns with a wide smile while slinging one arm over Jeongin’s shoulders, “well if I hadn’t rushed I wouldn’t have met this lovely mate now would I,” Jeongin’s brows furrow at the weird choice of word, no one uses mate, at least not in Amity. But now that he thinks about it, this Felix guy’s accent sounds a bit strange.

The train suddenly starts moving and the new guy grabs a hold of the pole as well.

“I’m sorry,” the new guy suddenly turns to Jeongin and bows a little and Jeongin can feel the red rise up on his cheeks, a stupid condition he got from his mother, “my idiot friend over here doesn’t know boundaries. Now let the poor kid go, _Felix_ ,” he practically orders but Felix only tightens his arm around Jeongin, “this kid has never judged me,” he says before sneaking a look at him and adding, “at least not aloud, so I think I’m gonna stay right where I am with my new friend, _Seungmin_ ,” Jeongin finds their banter quite funny if not a bit confusing, but it’s nice to listen to them. They don’t act like he’s gonna break at any second like the people from his own faction.

Felix bumps his head against Jeongin’s and chuckles when Jeongin startles at the contact, “I never got your name,” but before Jeongin even has the time to respond Seungmin cuts in, “because you never asked, dumbass,” he sneers but Jeongin can tell that it’s all fun and games and obviously Felix can too because his only response is a sad pout.

“My name is Jeongin,” he speaks a bit shakily and quiet but they manage to hear him anyway over the roaring sound of the train passing through a tunnel and the chatter from all around them. “Jeonginie! That’s adorable,” Felix booms and Jeongin finds it a bit ridiculous how deep his voice is because it makes everything sound much more powerful than intended.

He flushes a deep red at the compliment and brings up his hands to cover his face and he hears Seungmin snort, “see, now you’ve embarrassed the fox, way to go Felix,” that manages to capture Jeongin’s attention and he peeks through his fingers, “why am I a fox?” he asks quietly and Seungmin looks at him like he just asked the most stupid question ever, “because you look like one,” so what Jeongin gets from this is that Felix has little to no filter, but Seungmin doesn’t know what a filter is.

The train makes a sudden stop and if it wasn’t for Felix ar around him and his solid grip on the pole they would both have gone flying through the cart, “we’re here,” Seungmin states just as the doors open and Felix gives him a half-hug before grabbing a hold on the back of Seungmin’s collar, “goodbye little fox, maybe we’ll see each other again,” Felix says while Seungmin only nods in his direction and he gives them a little wave back before they disappear into the crowd of black and white.

When he sees his own colours starting to exit the train he quickly follows, having no idea where they’re heading but following the crowd seems like the safest option. They walk for about three minutes before the person ahead of him stops suddenly and Jeongin almost walks right into him, he can see a line forming in front of them and assumes that they’ve arrived at the right location.

Surprisingly, since there must be at least a hundred people in front of him, it only takes about ten-fifteen minutes until he’s at the front in front of a huge building, “Full name please,” it’s a man from Erudite who asks him and Jeongin fumbles a bit, “a-uh- Hwang Jeongin,” he finally gets out and the man grabs his hand and uses some sort of scan to print a number onto his hand.

“Follow the instruction on your hand and you’ll find your way,” is all he says before he pushes Jeongin inside and makes room for the next person. Jeongin stumbles inside and quickly pushes himself up against a wall to take a good look at his hand, ‘05.15.-02.173’ is all it says and Jeongin has no idea how to decipher it but as he takes a good look around the giant room he’s entered he sees five large exits and figures that he must be meant to enter number five, what else can it mean? He wonders as he starts walking. There are people all around him from all the factions and Jeongin feels a bit overwhelmed, he’s never seen so much black clothing before, the only thing black in Amity would be their shoes, but mostly they're just brown.

He passes through the large opening and is met by a long corridor seemingly endless but he must be on the right track because the first door to his right is labeled ‘1’ so he supposes he should just keep walking. There are doors on either side of the corridor and lots of people entering left and right, Jeongin continues down until he’s at number 15 and it’s only then that he notices that the door doesn’t have a handle. Huh, how’s he supposed to open it then?

He tries to wave his hand in front of it, he’s read about automatic doors but when nothing happens he quickly stops, he doesn’t want to look like an idiot waving at a door. But just as he’s about to go back and ask someone for help a hand comes into his view, the man puts his hand under some sort of square on the side of the door that Jeongin thought was a light switch and the door opens from the middle into to two. He startles and backs into a sturdy chest which he quickly jumps away from, the man puts a hand on his shoulder and leads him inside.

When they enter the room it’s already occupied by kids from all factions, some sitting on the benches and others standing, leaning against the walls, mostly dauntless with their leather jackets. He looks back to see who it was that helped him inside but there’s no one there, he frowns, where did he go?

He isn’t given any time to ponder because the next second he’s got two arms thrown around him in a steady grip, “I told you it was him Seungmin-ah,” ah, Felix.

“You also told me you could jump from two stories up and then you broke your leg, so how was I supposed to believe you?” Jeongin can’t see them because he’s got his face buried in Felix’ chest but he’s pretty sure Seungmin’s glaring at Felix like he did on the train, that seems to be his thing.

Felix pulls away from Jeongin and Jeongin finally has room to breathe but he keeps an arm around his shoulder just like before, “what took you so long?” Seungmin asks and Jeongin glances up at him, “we saw you at the entrance at the same time as we got in but we got here like 10 minutes ago,” Jeongin tries to hide his embarrassment, of course they managed to figure out what the numbers meant and how to enter the room.

“I- I didn’t know where to go,” he says quietly and Felix tightens his grip, “don’t listen to that guy, we didn’t know either, we just followed some people and hoped for the best,” Jeongin is in that moment eternally grateful for the bluntness of Candor because this time it actually makes him feel a bit better.

Seungmin rolls his eyes but Jeongin can see that he’s also a bit amused so Jeongin figures all is good, “do you know what the rest of the numbers mean?” he asks because the ‘02’ and ‘173’ is throwing him off, Seungmin reaches forward to grab his hand and inspect it.

“No idea, but there’s nowhere else to go in here so I would say the best thing to do is to just stay put and wait until they call your name,” Jeongin nods and removes his hand from Seungmin’s grip.

Just as Felix is about to say something the door next to one of the benches open and a man dressed in black with black hair and some sort of black eye makeup steps out, “Hwang Jeongin,” he calls and Jeongin freezes, already? He just got here.

“Ah man, I guess this is goodbye then,” Felix speaks and Seungmin nods, “yeah, there’s another exit inside so we won’t see each other again until the ceremony, if at all, but it was interesting meeting you little fox,” Jeongin can’t help but notice how Seungmin called their meeting interesting and not ‘nice’ like you usually would, he’d be extremely surprised if Seungmin chooses anything other than Candor, because from what he can tell he’s as Candor as they get; but in his grandmother's words, he’s as Amity as can be, and his choice has already been made- so maybe he shouldn’t judge too quickly.

“Hwang Jeongin,” the voice repeats albeit much more annoyed than the first time, “bye,” he says hastily and Felix gives him a smile, “I’m sure we’ll see each other again, Seungmin’s just being grumpy,” and it manages to lift Jeongin’s mood and calm his nerves at least a little bit; he really hopes to meet them again.

He hastily makes his way inside the room and as soon as he’s in the door closes behind him and all he can see is the chair in front of him, here goes nothing.


	2. Aptitude Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungmin, Felix, and Jeongin all take their aptitude tests and get their results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has not been proofread so expect a lot of mistakes...but anyways...  
> Hope you enjoy!

“Took you long enough,” the man says as soon as Jeongin enters and Jeongin’s eyes quickly dart up to the man standing by the chair, he oozes authority despite not being very tall- he’s probably a few centimeters shorter than Jeongin- and he’s very obviously from Dauntless.

Jeongin would have been able to tell without all the black clothing and the eye makeup and hair, but the extra black only adds to his character and Jeongin finds himself fascinated by the man, he doesn’t seem much older than Jeongin himself and Jeongin would guess he’s probably around his brother’s age.

“Are you gonna sit down or do I have to drag you?” he sounds bored out of his mind, almost like he just woke up from a really long nap, but Jeongin can see it in his eyes that he’s fully awake and aware and Jeongin thinks it’s best to not keep him waiting. So he takes careful steps inside the room which is filled with mirrors, it’s unlike anything he’s ever seen before, although they do have mirrors in Amity-contrary to Abnegation- he’s never seen an entire room filled with them.

The chair in the middle looks highly uncomfortable and also kind of like an electric chair which Jeongin remembers reading about them in school,  _ what an awful way to die. _ He takes his seat slowly and makes himself as comfortable as he can in the metal-like chair and the man hands him a small triangle formed glass with blue liquid, “drink up, we don’t have all day,” he says flatly before going back to his computer.

Jeongin stares blankly down at the liquid inside the glass, “what is it?” he asks quietly, carefully, to which the man looks up sharply and glares at him, his eyes piercing, “doesn’t matter,”  _ well then. _ Jeongin gives him a small glance just to makes sure that the man isn’t poisoning him but he seems as calm as before so Jeongin musters up his courage and takes a small sip; it tastes like water with a hint of metal, so in conclusion, he thinks, it’s not that bad. He downs it quickly with little to no hesitation and when the entire glass is empty he looks back at the man in wonder, “what do I do now?” Jeongin questions quietly and the man looks up from his computer and looks down at the glass, “that went down quickly,” he mentions casually as if he couldn’t care less and Jeongin shrugs, “it tastes like the water at home during summer, when the rust from the pipes makes its way into the water,” the man grimaces slightly, probably not liking the idea of drinking rusty water, before grabbing two wires and making his way over to Jeongin.

They look like wires with little stickers at the end but just as Jeongin’s about to question what they’re for his head start spinning and he loses his vision for a second, “what-” the man pushes him back into the chair and puts one wire each on the sides of his forehead, “just relax kid, soon you'll be back at home in your sunshine land,” he speaks sarcastically and it’s clear even to a delirious Jeongin that the man isn’t too fond of Amity, judging by the way his voice goes sour at ‘sunshine land’. It’s the last thing Jeongin hears before he passes out.

Only to wake up a few seconds later in the exact same room, except the brooding man is nowhere to be seen and there are no wires stuck to his temples, “hello,” he calls out faintly but it still echoes throughout the entire room. 

He hops down from the chair that suddenly feels a lot higher than it did before and the sound of his feet hitting the floor echoes as well, he turns around to see if the man is standing behind him but suddenly the chair he was just sitting on is gone and the room seems to have expanded at least by three meters.

He turns back around in shock, not fully comprehending what's going on, and to his shock, there’s suddenly a table in front that wasn’t there mere seconds ago. There are two items placed on the small table, a knife and a slice of cheese, there’s nothing dangerous around nor anything that would require the need for a knife so Jeongin can’t fathom why anyone would pick up a knife sharp enough to cut someone. “Choose,” a voice echoes and Jeongin can immediately tell that it’s the Erudite leader Park Jinyoung, so used to hearing his messages about absolute peace and the faction systems perfection that he’s grown tired of it. But he has to make a choice, so he chooses the most obvious one. Picking up the slice of cheese he turns around to see if anything new has materialized behind him but he finds it just as empty as before so he brings the cheese up to his mouth to take a bite, but just then he hears a low growl from behind him and he quickly turns on his heels to see what could possibly be making that noise.

He’s met by a large dog, teeth bared and its tail still. It’s clear to Jeongin that this is no friendly dog, this dog is wild and probably extremely hungry so instead of giving into his own selfish wants and taking the bite he was intending to take he lowers his hand and kneels slowly so that he doesn’t startle the rabid dog and sticks his hand out, presenting the cheese. 

Out of nowhere, a child appears behind the dog and she seems to be laughing at something someone said, only there’s no one there, but the laughter quickly dies down when the dog turns towards her, growling louder than before, a bark beginning to form.

_ Oh no, think Jeongin, think _ , but he doesn’t know what to do, he can’t exactly attack the dog, not when its teeth are strong enough to saw through his bones, but he also can’t let the dog attack the little girl. So he uses what is probably the only skill he has, he whistles.

It’s no more than a single tone but it manages to capture the attention of the dog and it slowly turns away from the girl to face Jeongin once more, “good dog,” he whispers barely loud enough to hear it himself and once again he reaches out, presenting the cheese to the dog who starts to take slow steps towards him. “Come here little- I mean big, terrifying dog,” the dog is only a meter away from him now and Jeongin is practically shaking despite the dog already appearing much calmer than before. 

The dog sniffs his hand for a few seconds before grabbing the entire slice of cheese and running off with it, to the relief of Jeongin who puts a hand over his beating heart.  _ Now what? _ He wonders as the dog disappears into the distance and the child as well,  _ am I done? _ He questions, however, he gets his answers as quickly as he asked them because the image of the room full of mirrors starts to disappear and the floor beneath him disintegrate. He yelps in shock as he starts falling with seemingly nothing to catch him but thankfully the fall is only about a meter and when he lands on his knees on the gray floor he’s relieved to see that he has something steady underneath him. Looking up he sees multiple seats all around him and just by his head is a pole;  _ a bus. _ He climbs to his feet and takes a careful look around his surroundings, the bus looks rundown but still good enough to be running, contrary to what he’s used to- he’s seen buses before way off in the distance when he’s been working at the outskirts of the fields.

There doesn’t seem to be anyone else on the bus and he’s about to take a seat and just wait for something to happen when he’s suddenly grabbed by the collar and pushed up harshly against the back of the bus and he lets out a painful yelp as the handle of the back door pushes into his back.

The man in front of him is all burnt, his face melted on one side and the other deeply scarred and he’s breathing heavily and staring at Jeongin with piercing black eyes, very clearly distressed. “Do you know this man?” he shouts and holds up a newspaper with a picture of his own father on the front and Jeongin almost chokes on his own saliva when he sees the picture. He looks older than he did the last time Jeongin saw him but he also looks happier, a smile planted on his face so wide that his eyes disappear and he’s not as thin as he was after he stopped eating the peace-serum bread.

“Do you know him?” the man shouts once more and it’s hard for Jeongin to move when he’s gripping his collar so tightly to the point where it’s also a little hard to breathe but Jeongin manages to nod clear enough for the man to see. “Ye-yes I know him,” he whispers breathlessly and the man practically growls, “where is he? Where is that bastard?” he shouts once more and Jeongin’s practically shaking in fear, what will the man do when he finds out that Jeongin doesn’t know? Will he hurt Jeongin?

“Si-sir I don’t know, honestly,” he mumbles and the man slams him harder against the wall, “but you said you know him!” Jeongin closes his eyes in fear and nods once again, “I do, I did, but he’s factionless now so he could be anywhere. But sir, please, this isn’t the right way to handle this, whatever he did-”

“He did this!” the man points to his face and Jeongin’s eyes widen, not sure of what to say, “he did this to me!” the man shouts once more and Jeongin looks away, he doesn’t want to appear rude by staring at the man’s face.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know where he is, honestly” as soon as the words leave his mouth his collar is released and the man fades into nothing, and once again the floor disintegrates and then he’s falling weightlessly, only to land back in the chair with the wires still attached to his face,  _ I’m awake. _

Before the dauntless man has the time to remove the wires Jeongin yanks them off himself and stand up, a little too shaken to say anything at the moment, “feels real, doesn’t it?” the man says without even looking up from his computer and Jeongin nods soundlessly.

“What-” he pauses and takes a deep breath, “what where my results?” he mumbles and the dauntless man looks towards him with disinterest, “it’s obvious isn’t it, you’ll be staying in your faction for the rest of your life I assume, unless you fuck up, then, say hi to the streets I guess,” and to Jeongin it’s clear that those are his final words because he goes to grab another triangle formed glass and starts filling it up with the blue liquid but, however, not intentionally, Jeongin stays unmoving. “Well?,” the man cocks a brow and makes an annoyed face and Jeongin doesn’t want to anger him so he nods, bows a little and hurries to the exit, the one he didn’t come from, and just like before, the door automatically closes behind him as soon as he’s out.

And he’s back in yet another endless corridor, but at least now there’s an exit sign pointing to his left so he shakes his limbs to get some life back into them before beginning to walk down the narrow hallway. 

He got Amity, just like his grandmother predicted, just like he himself predicted. It was fruitless to even have the slightest doubt about it but no matter what the test showed, his decision remains the same. He’s going to join Dauntless and find his brother- he hasn’t planned past that but it seems better than to remain in Amity with his grandmother who’s growing older and older to the point where it’s only a matter of time before she passes too, and then Jeongin will be all alone. 

He’s good at being alone, but not lonely.

* * *

  
  


“He’s surely gonna get Amity,” Felix speaks as soon as the door closes behind Jeongin and Seungmin rolls his eyes and nudges Felix in the side perhaps a little harder than necessary, “we just met him, it’s not like we know him,” it’s not said in a mean or condescending way, just matter of factly and so very Seungmin like that Felix can’t help but find it a bit amusing.

“Oh come on, you saw the way he acted, he’s like the walking trademark of Amity,” Seungmin gives him an uninterested look, surely thinking about which out of his top ten ways he’s gonna try to shut Felix up, but Felix pays it no mind, far too used to the other’s behaviour, “I bet his entire family has been Amity,” Felix adds with a small confident grin and just as Seungmin’s about to call his friend an idiot and tell him he has no facts to base that assumption on another boy speaks up from across the room, “are you talking about Hwang Jeongin?” He’s dressed in Amity’s colors but his face tells a completely different story; he looks a bit harsher than the usual Amity person.

Seungmin shares a glance with Felix before turning to the boy, “yes,” Seungmin states, straightforward as always, “what’s it to you?” Felix adds, much less...sophisticated than Seungmin. The Amity rolls his eyes at Felix and they’re pretty sure the conversation will end there but the boy surprises them by speaking again, “not everyone in his family have been Amity, his brother transferred to Dauntless three years ago,” he speaks seemingly without any respect for Jeongin’s privacy which even Seungmin seems a bit surprised about.

And Seungmin, as eloquently worded as ever, decides to speak up after a few seconds of stifling silence, “welcome to Candor,” to which the boy snorts but doesn’t oppose. Felix groans in disgust, he’s just met the boy but he can tell already that he doesn't like him, “I hope he doesn’t join,” he complains and Seungmin looks at him with annoyance, for the first time that day letting any sign of amusement fade from his features, “why do you care? It’s not like you’re planning to stay,” his eyebrows are drawn tightly and his teeth clenched as he speaks, however, Felix refuses to show any sign of guilt or any sign that he’s heard him at all.

What’s he supposed to say? He knows that Candor isn’t for him, it’s never been his place. The only reason he’s there is because the people who found him, those he calls his parents, are Candor and so that’s where he ended up. But now that he has a choice, he’s not gonna let that opportunity go, not even for Seungmin.

“Ignore me all you want but we both know it’s true,” Felix knows that Seungmin doesn’t agree with his choice but he doesn’t think that gives him the right to chastise him for it, “so what if I don’t want to stay in Candor? Not all of us are some emotionless stick figures that follow the rules religiously,” as soon as the words leave his mouth he wants to punch himself as hard as he can and then be hit by a train.

_ Fuck, why’d I have to go and say that? _ Felix has never found it hard to read Seungmin because contrary to popular belief Candor-people aren’t all stiff, but of course, he had to go and bring up that stereotype and worst of all perpetuate it onto his best friend just out of spite and be rewarded with anger replacing his friend’s annoyance.

“Shit, Seungmin-ah I didn’t mean that-” Seungmin holds up his right hand to stop Felix from saying anything else that could possibly make the situation worse than it already is, Seungmin knows that Felix is good at speaking his mind just like any other Candor, but he also knows that Felix has the tendency to say things just to make them hurt without really meaning it; he’s good at telling lies. So before Felix can say any more Seungmin puts a stop to it, “stop, just shut up,” he says and tightens his raised hand into a fist, “just be quiet for like the next hour, otherwise I can’t promise that I won’t hit you,” he mumbles through clenched teeth and Felix nods quickly, “that’s fair-”

“Sh!” Felix hastily closes his mouth and makes a zip motion. They spend the next fifteen minutes in silence with Felix stealing occasional nervous glances at his friend to see if he’s still angry but Seungmin’s face remains unchanged, until the silence hits minute sixteen and Felix sees Seungmin let some of the tension from his face go just in time for his name to be called.

“Kim Seungmin,” Seungmin rises to his feet and spares Felix a single glance, less fiery than before, “I’ll wait for you by the train,” Felix nods excitedly with a small grin on his face and raises his fist while mouthing ‘fighting’ to which Seungmin snorts and rolls his eyes, “nevermind, I’m leaving without you,” but Felix knows that Seungmin doesn’t mean that even for a second, “see you later buddy,” Felix calls after his friend and Seungmin manages to catch a last glance before the door closes, separating the two from each other.

“Another Candor, great,” the man says sourly as Seungmin takes his seat in the metal-like chair, tilting his head curiously at the man, wondering what his fellow classmate had done to annoy the Dauntless man. “Have any  _ honest  _ comments to say about my hair or my clothes or my faction before we start?” he asks sarcastically and Seungmin snorts before leaning back in the chair, he’s pissy over some stupid Candor kid inulting him?

“I haven’t formed an opinion on your hair nor your outfit, yet. And I don’t think you want to hear what I think about Dauntless,” he speaks as he’s handed a glass with blue liquid inside, “wow, first smart thing I’ve heard today,” the man mutters and sticks the two wires to Seungmin’s temples, “am I correct in assuming that you’re Seo Changbin?” Seungmin asks casually and it’s clear that the man is shocked because Seungmin hears the way his breath catches in his chest.

“How the fuck?” he questions harshly, Seungmin downs the glass while ignoring the metal taste before stating, “I overheard the names of the Dauntless administrators from one of our leaders, Changbin is a name most often given to Dauntless born kids and I can’t imagine you being anything else, at least not based on the little I’ve heard from you, so I made an intelligent guess,” shrugging casually he leans his head on the headrest and closes his eyes, starting to feel dizzy, and the last thing he hears before his hearing disappears is, “so fucking annoying I swear-” and then everything fades.

  
  


When his eyes fly open he’s in the same room as before only it seems to have expanded to the point where Seungmin can’t tell where the room ends, and the mirrors all around certainly don’t make it any easier on the eyes. He gets out of the chair and walks forwards carefully, he’s only heard stories about the aptitude test and all of them have been different, they never use the same test twice as long as the first bunch of kids who did it are alive, only when the entire generation is dead is the test reused, but even then minor changes are made; so Seungmin has no way of knowing what’s to come.

But then he spots something in the mirror in front of him and as he when turns he’s suddenly standing less than a step away from a small table with a knife and a piece of meat placed neatly on top. There’s a small note folded neatly on the table and he picks it up only to read the word ‘choose’ which he frowns at, how is that supposed to determine anything; he could be vegetarian so how is a piece of meat and a knife supposed to determine whether he belongs in Candor or Abnegation or any of the others?

_ An object can’t possibly determine everything _ , Seungmin thinks, it all depends on the situation. If it’s a life and death situation surely anyone, except for maybe Abnegation, would pick the knife. Therefore, picking the knife doesn’t automatically mean Dauntless for bravery (or stupidity).

“Neither,” he says aloud, unsure if they can hear his thoughts or if he has to voice them. “I choose neither,” a few seconds of silence pass during which Seungmin wonders if he perhaps  _ has _ to choose in order for the simulation to continue. But just when he’s about to ask his question the table disappears right in front of his eyes and the note in his hand catches on fire, burning up as quick as lightning, leaving only a small pile of ashes in his hand and then his vision fades yet again to black.

When his eyes reopen he’s in a corridor very much alike the one he walked through before to get to test room and when a man suddenly walks past him, close enough for Seungmin to be able to see the gray streaks in his hair, he wonders if he perhaps has awakened and just doesn’t remember waking up, but before he has time to truly explore that thought something on the ground captures his eye.

_ A wallet.  _ He bends down to pick it up and it’s clear even to his untrained eyes that it’s very high quality and most probably very expensive, and when he opens it up the first thing he sees is a board meeting pass, meaning that the owner is one of the higher-ups important enough to be allowed into the meetings. Next to the board pass is a credit card, it awakens his curiosity but just as he’s about to check the other cards he stops himself,  _ what am doing? This isn’t mine, _ he quickly closes the wallet and looks towards the end of the corridor, realistically the man should have been long gone by now but from where Seungmin’s standing he only seems to be about four meters ahead of him.

“Sir, you dropped your wallet!” Seungmin calls outs to which the man turns towards him and it’s only then that Seungmin notices that he’s dressed in the usual Erudite attire. They walk towards each other and meet halfway, “thank you,” the man says and accepts his wallet, “that was very kind of you,” he adds but Seungmin shakes his head.

_ I’m not being kind, I’m just doing what’s right,  _ and just as the thought crosses his mind his eyes fly open, for real this time. And suddenly Changbin’s there pulling the wires off of his temples and going back to his computer.

“You want to make an intelligent guess on what your results are, too?” he asks sarcastically and Seungmin rolls his eyes, “no thanks, I would prefer a straightforward answer from you, Changbin-shi,” Seungmin finds it amusing how Changbin’s jaw seems to tighten at the mention of his name. He hears the man mutter something akin to a curse word before looking up from his computer, “Candor,” is all he says and Seungmin nods, he’s not too surprised although he had wishfully hoped for something else.

“You’ve got your results now get out of my room,” Changbin grumbles and Seungmin can’t help but wonder if the guy has any friends at all, Seungmin himself isn’t the easiest person to befriend but this is just ridiculous.

“Goodbye Changbin-shi,” he says it only because he finds it amusing how mad the older seems to get but when Changbin glares at him he figures it’s probably best if he leaves unless he actually wants to get punched in the face. He doesn’t spare the room a second glance before leaving, too happy to just get out of the mirror-filled room, now he just has to wait for Felix- and knowing that boy he knows that even when Felix isn’t in charge of his schedule he still manages to arrive late in some way, so he makes himself ready to wait for at least an hour. In the meantime, he might as well try to find somewhere to sit; preferably somewhere where everyone else isn’t sitting. 

  
  


There’s a loud buzz coming from the end of the hallway and Seungmin can only imagine how crowded that place must be,  _ no thanks _ , he thinks as he slides down the wall to sit on the cold floor of the hallway. Just as he’s about to put his head in his hands and rest for a bit a door further down the corridor in the opposite direction of the exit opens and to his surprise, Jeongin steps out waving his hands wildly like he’s trying to shake something off of them, Seungmin stares curiously at the boy.

“What are you doing?” Jeongin startles and turns with wide eyes, “oh, hi, um...there were no paper towels” is all he says and Seungmin can see red beginning to rise up his neck to his cheeks.  _ Well done Seungmin-ah, you embarrassed him,  _ “sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he apologizes but Jeongin only shakes his head with a small, almost careful smile, “no it’s fine, I’m easily startled,” Seungmin doesn’t respond to that but he does wonder, doesn’t it get tiring to always say it’s okay? Felix is probably gonna, at some point, accidentally stab the fox and he’ll just say ‘it’s okay,’.

“Can I sit?” Jeongin points to a spot on the floor across from Seungmin as if Seungmin owns the floor or as if he’s asking for permission to enter his house, “Sit wherever you want, I’m not going to stop you,” he mumbles and Jeongin nods shyly, growing redder by the second but he sits down nonetheless and wrings his hands together in his lap.

There’s a pregnant pause where Seungmin can’t even tell if Jeongin’s breathing, that’s how quiet he’s being, and it’s clear to Seungmin that this boy isn’t used to talking unless he’s being spoken to first. So Seungmin does he what he does best, asks an uncomfortable question, “so what did your test say?” Jeongin seems to choke on his own spit, clearly not expecting Seungmin to say anything, least of all...that.

He hesitates for a moment, he's heard that you’re not supposed to discuss your test with anyone, however, seungmin doesn’t seem like he’s gonna rat him out or berate him for it so he rubs at his neck awkwardly and mumbles, “Amity, as expected,” his voice takes an odd turn, it almost sounds a bit sour and it’s probably the most emotion, except for his default nervousness, that Seungmin’s heard Jeongin express.

Seungmin fons at him and crosses his legs before leaning over a bit in interest, “are you not happy with your result?” he questions confusedly but not unkindly, he’s just generally curious. Jeongin spares him a glance before speaking, “it’s not that I’m not happy, I like Amity, but,” he pauses mid-sentence seemingly trying to find the right words to use, “Amity’s not where I want to be, nor what I want to be,” he adds carefully, calculating, as if he’s expecting Seungmin to gasp and call him a traitor.

“Then where do you want to be?” Seungmin continues, intrigued by the boy who seems to be as Amity as they come, but Seungmin more than anyone knows not to judge a person so easily. Jeongin’s eyes dart around nervously and his hands pick at his nail beds, “you go first, what was your result?” Seungmin’s brows rise in surprise, not expecting Jeongin to retaliate any questions, but he’s pleasantly surprised.

“Candor,” he says flatly and at this Jeongin frowns, “you don’t seem...thrilled?” and Seungmin understand now why Jeongin seemed to hesitant to speak. It’s easy to ask the questions but when they’re thrown back at you…

Seungmin hesitates, how is he supposed to word himself to make it sound understandable? It’s not like his situation is the first of its kind, but it’s seen as very unusual, some people even think it goes against one major code in their moral, **‘faction before blood’.**

“Don’t get me wrong, Candor is...pleasant,” he pauses for a second, “but where Felix goes I go,” he speaks quickly almost hoping that Jeongin doesn’t hear that last bit but he most certainly does, judging his tilted head and the confusion written clear as day on his face. “Well, where’s Felix going then?” he questions innocently and Seungmin decides that this is where it stops, he’s already said too much for his liking, “it doesn’t matter, I just know that we’re a team, despite how stupid that boy is,” Jeongin cracks a small smile at that and Seungmin finds it funny that whenever Jeongin smiles at something he’s said, it’s because he just insulted Felix.

  
  


In hopes of changing the subject somewhat, or at least shift the focus, he scratches his forehead and looks towards the door to the test room, “speaking of Felix, I wonder how he’s doing?”

* * *

‘Choose’, “I’m trying, it’s not as easy as it looks, okay?” Felix complains loudly, a slice of cheese and a knife both in each hand seemingly staring at him mockingly. “Cheese is good but knives are cool, and sharp,” he thinks aloud and looks back at the objects, he raises his left hand, the one holding the cheese, to his nose and sniffs it. But as soon as the stench hits he practically throws the cheese back onto the table, “I don't even like cheddar,” he whines and tightens his grip on the knife,  _ knife it is. _

The table disappears into thin air and Felix almost loses his grip on the knife when he sees it, “oh my- what the fuck,” he mumbles in shock, once again tightening his grip on the knife, this time even a bit harder; if he gets startled again he doesn’t want to accidentally drop it on his foot and stab himself.

Suddenly, a child runs past him dressed in Abnegation clothes and Felix’s gaze follows the boy, no older than seven, as he runs a few meters ahead of Felix before turning around and looking past him, the child, seemingly out of nowhere, begins to screams much to the surprise of Felix who looks a round wildly for something threatening but finds nothing around.

The child continues to scream and just as Felix is about to tell the kid to shut u- be quiet he hears a low rumbling coming from down by his feet and when he looks to the ground he sees a dog, big enough to almost reach his waist, with its teeth bared and saliva dripping.

The dog suddenly barks loudly and immediately the small boy starts running for his life, but his small legs can’t carry him as fast as he wishes and so when the dog pounces and begins to run towards the child, so does Felix.

He likes dogs and he’s always wanted one, but this dog is one he can live without. The dog is a few steps ahead of him and so he uses every last bit of energy from breakfast to push through and run just a little bit faster until he’s basically heel to heel with the dog who’s slowly closing in on the child. There’s no way Felix will be able to run past the dog and put himself in between the rabid animal and the child, so instead, he raises his hand with the knife and throws himself on top of the dog. He doesn’t know if he stabs it or misses completely because as soon as his body touches bristly fur the animal disintegrates as well as the knife and then he’s free falling face down into absolute blackness.

Only to land, surprisingly softly on a hard floor. He hits his nose a bit but other than that he seems intact, but then again, he probably wouldn’t be able to feel his leg being cut off because of all the adrenaline pumping through him.

He gets up on his feet almost as quickly as he fell and sees that he’s on a bus that looks a lot like the one he was found in as a child, but he has no time to further explore the vehicle because in the next second he’s being pushed up against the back wall of the bus by a hand around his throat, he reacts quickly, kicking the man between his legs and Felix is left dumbfounded when the man doesn’t even flinch. “What the f-”

“Do you know this man?” the man, badly burned in the face and on his hand, screams while holding up a newspaper a picture of Seungmin plastered on the front page,  _ why is this man asking for Seungmin? _ “Do you know him?” he shouts once more and presses the newspaper up into Felix’s face, “what’s it to you?” he tries to sound cocky but it comes off as nervous because his voice wavers pathetically, but can you blame him? He’s got a hand pressing down on his windpipe. 

“He did this!” his incredibly burnt hand gestures to his own face and Felix, without really meaning anything by it, lets out a snort,  _ Seungmin singlehandedly poured acid on this man’s face? Or set him on fire? Yeah, sure. _

“You think he looks so innocent don’t you?” the man spits and saliva hits Felix’s face, “innocent men don’t do this!” he continues, practically snarling like the rabid dog from before. “Tell me where he is!” Felix musters up his courage and stares the man straight into his eyes, with a slow exhale and a cocked brow he says steadily, “I don’t know him,” to which he receives a pretty heavy punch straight into the stomach and the pain feels incredibly real as he loses the ability to breathe for a second.

“Liar!” the man snarls but Felix only shakes his head while hunched over, trying to suck in a breath, “I don’t-” he heaves, “I don’t know him” and just as the words leave his mouth he’s back in the metal chair. He sits up quickly, expecting his chest to be struggling with the intake of oxygen but as he takes a breath he notices that there’s no struggle, at all. 

He sighs in relief and drags a hand through his hair, accidentally pulling one of the wires with him, “careful with those,”  _ right,  _ Felix thinks,  _ I’m not alone.  _ He looks over at the dauntless man from before who actually seems to be quite pleased with Felix’s results, if the small lift at the corners of his mouth is anything to go by.

“What did I get?” Felix asks while removing the second wire and handing them over. The man takes a glance at his computer before exhaling slowly and meeting Felix’s eyes, “Dauntless,” he states sounding quite...proud, it’s no surprise since he’s Dauntless himself, but to Felix- he doesn't think he’s been this shocked in years. Not even when he broke his own leg because he didn’t listen to Seungmin, he’s learned from that by now. 

Of course, he had hopes of getting Dauntless, but it never felt like he would, for some reason, but now that it’s been confirmed- a smile breaks out onto his face and lets outs a chuckle, from actual happiness or shock Changbin can’t tell, but it doesn’t matter. This is the first Dauntless he’s gotten today and to be honest, he’d almost lost hope of getting one.

“I actually got Dauntless?” Felix whispers to himself in disbelief, no more awkwardly square suits with uncomfortable lace up shoes, no more posture corrections during dinner (at least Felix had to go through that, Seungmin- not so much) and no more justice quizzes in school...right?

“Do you have any justice quizzes in Dauntless?” Felix asks quickly, he always did so badly in those and it would be a shame to do badly in them in Dauntless as well, “what the hell is that?” the man answers incredulously and Felix practically shouts in relief, “oh thank god mate!” he doesn’t see the way the man frowns at him at his odd choice of words, but then again, there’s a lot of things Felix doesn’t see when he’s too be caught up in his own thoughts. He stands up from the chair and stretches his legs, “you don’t even want to know,” he sighs heavily like he’s reliving a very traumatic experience before pointing towards the door and raising his brows in question,” but...can I leave now? Or is there something else I gotta do?” the man shakes his head at Felix and starts refilling a glass with that vile blue liquid (Felix almost threw up while drinking it) and Felix takes that as his permission slip.

“Alright, bye then,” and with those words he practically flies out of the room with a smile plastered onto his face- only to trip over Jeongin’s legs stretched out across the corridor and go flying to the floor and hitting his nose, and it’s a lot worse than it was in the simulation. “Ow,” he mumbles as soon as he sees the first drop of blood drop from his nose and land on the cold floor, in seconds Jeongin’s there and turning him over so that he’s on his back and gasping loudly, “what?” he questions hurriedly,  _ please tell me my nose isn’t broken.  _ “You’re bleeding,” he whispers and before Felix has the time to tell him that he’s well aware of that there’s the sound of something ripping and then something’s being pressed under his nose.

“Did you just rip your shirt?” Felix mumbles through the fabric of the ‘tissue’ and Jeongin’s eyes widen a bit before nodding sheepishly, “I’m really sorry I tripped you,” he hangs his head and looks to the floor in shame which Felix is not having, “yah, I’m the one who tripped over you, it’s not your fault that I wasn’t watching where I was going,” he gives the boy a smile to try and comfort him but it’s clear that Jeongin still feels bad about it.

“Jeongin-ah it really isn’t your fault, just like Felix said, it’s completely his fault,” Seungmin throws into the conversation and Felix raises his fist as if he’s going to hit Seungmin, “yah!” it’s probably supposed to be threatening but he’s sitting on the floor like a baby with a bloody piece of fabric pressed to his nose, and there’s nothing dangerous about looking like you’ve already gotten the crap beaten out of you. Even Jeongin finds it amusing.

“It’s almost lunch time so we should start heading to the train, it should be here soon,” Seungmin states as he rises to his feet, wipes off imaginary dust from his pants and claps his hands together. “I’m bleeding to death and you’re thinking about lunch,” Felix complains and Seungmin tilts his head confusedly, “wouldn’t you do the same thing for me?” and barely a second passes before Felix answers, “hell yeah I would,” to which Jeongin chuckles,  _ these guys are funny. _

“Are you coming with us, Jeongin-ah??” Felix questions as Jeongin helps him up but Jeongin shakes his head no and gives them both a small smile, “no we’re taking the train at two so I have some waiting to do,” he answers and Felix rolls his eyes, “do you  _ have  _ to wait for the rest?” expecting the boy to cave but Jeongin only nods sadly, “yeah, I have to wait, but…” he pauses and hesitates for a moment, “I’ll see you tomorrow, at the ceremony,” Seungmin shares a quick glance with Felix before nodding encouraging, “yeah, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Felix smiles brightly despite the obvious pain he’s in.

Jeongin returns the smile and waves them goodbye, hoping that he’ll truly see them tomorrow; because nothing feels certain anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you have time/want to :)  
> Have a nice day/night/morning/evening <3


	3. The Choosing Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeongin, Seungmin, and Felix all have very important choices to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for commenting and giving me kudos! They really make my day <3
> 
> Anyways, IMPORTANT TO NOTE: this is a slight spoiler if you haven't seen the movie or read the book, but they have to slice their own palm in order to bleed so if that's something you're uncomfortable with then I highly recommend...not reading this. I can like summarize it for you without that part if you don't want to read it yourself, I understand that self-inflicted wounds can be a sensitive topic but it's not to harm so it's not self-harm (or at least I wouldn't call it that)
> 
> Has not been proofread...only if you count me reading through it at 2 am as a proper proofreading lol

 

 

It’s the morning of the choosing ceremony where the rest of his life will be decided and Jeongin doesn’t think he’s ever been this stressed in, well, his entire life. If he can recall correctly, his brother had never been calmer in his entire life when the day came. He’d been stoic and collected and not frantic in any way, but Jeongin’s not his brother, not even close, and so when he wakes up that morning he has no feeling of confidence or belonging; he’d been so sure of his choice yesterday but today is a new day with new feelings that have Jeongin more confused than ever.

 

His breakfast consists of the usual oatmeal with berries and a piece of bread but contrary to every other day in Amity, the breakfast suddenly tastes disgusting and he has to gulp down water after every bite to stop himself from hacking it up again.  _ I guess this means something _ , he thinks but he’s still unsure, it's not like he can make an entire decision based on one bad experience with breakfast.

 

Yesterday had been a good day, he’d met Felix and Seungmin, he’d done his aptitude test without any difficulties, and most importantly, he’d been so sure of his answer. Today...today he’s going together with his grandmother, a very avid believer in everything Amity stands for and a borderline hater of every other factor. But of course, she would never admit to that, since Amity is all about love and peace. But no matter how much peace-serum-injected bread she eats she’ll never get rid of her prejudices against the other factions, and that is something Jeongin just can't stand. And he guesses he, in some ways, is quite similar to his brother, both being able to recognize the flaws within their own faction, the only difference is that Jeongin’s brother had the courage to leave, to set his foot down and say enough without hesitation.

 

Jeongin? He’s Amity through and through, the aptitude test proved that much so how is he supposed to turn on his own nature? his own being? The system works for a reason, or at least that’s what he’s been told, but if he were to go against the system, and not to mention, end up in Dauntless! He would most likely become factionless. But he’s got to try, he has to, if not for himself then for his brother. He shoves down the rest of his food with a hefty glass of water before putting his bowl away and returning to his room for some rest, only, it’s a challenge to get there because every path is blocked by people who would usually be off to work by now but have taken the day off to because of the choosing ceremony; including his grandmother.

 

“Jeongin-ah, there you are! Why aren’t you fully dressed? And what’s with your hair? The train leaves in a short while,” she immediately begins to straighten his shirt hurriedly and fix his bangs to lay the way she wants them but he waves her off to which she smacks him right on the forehead. “Yah, we can’t show up looking like we slept until just before the train leaves, you know some of the other factions already call us lazy and hipsters,” hipster is a word he hasn’t heard in a while. It’s mostly the elderly people who use it, surprisingly, since most of the lingo comes from the youngers. But hipster is a word that’s been used since before the war and then quite often in the beginning when the factions were taking place, it’s not as popular amongst the younger ones now and Jeongin can count on one hand the number of times he’s heard the word from someone other than his grandmother. But in Jeongin’s own opinion, hipster isn’t the worst thing he can imagine being called. Dauntless are called idiots for seemingly only using brute force and no brains, so he can live with 'hipster'.

 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles tiredly and his grandmother sighs before enveloping him in a tight hug, tight enough to squeeze the breath out of him. “Oh Jeongin-ah, you’re a good kid, you just need to learn the correct etiquette for a grown Amity boy. You’re still very much a child but when you get back I think we should go through some work and see how you do on your own,”  _ when I get back? _ It’s still a possibility since he’s not completely and utterly sure on what faction to choose, however, it sounds quite repulsive. Return to Amity? When he has the opportunity to...not to?

 

“Right, when I get back,” he says slowly, almost like a question but thankfully his grandmother seems to have turned her attention toward something else, or at least she shows no sign of hearing what he just said, thankfully. Last time he brought up not being Amity it went...not well.

 

“Come now Jeongin-ah, we should hurry,” she gives him a stern look, “we don’t want to miss the train do we?” Jeongin shakes his head quickly and earns himself a warm smile from his grandmother before she grabs his hand and practically drags him out of the dining hall and toward the familiar train station where the train is already waiting with three minutes to spare. She ushers him onto the vehicle and quickly grabs onto the pole in the middle, quite like Jeongin did before. “I wish they would add seats, I’m not old and weak but I’m not young and hip either, some consideration would be nice,” she mutters to herself but Jeongin barely pays her any attention. He’s far too focused on the sweat in the palms of his hands and the slight tremor going through his body. This is worse than when he was heading into the city for his aptitude test, this day is what will decide the rest of his life, this day is the ultimate test and Jeongin’s not ready for it.

 

The train quickly passes by the fields of Amity and the greens turn into walls of concrete and abandoned community buses that no one has any use for anymore; Jeongin can’t help but think about the bus in the aptitude test and the burnt man screaming for his father, he shudders at the thought of it and shakes his head. The man isn’t real and his father is long gone, there’s nothing to worry about, the man can’t hurt him and neither can his father, everything's okay.

 

The train comes to a stop and Jeongin grabs tighter onto the pole, knowing that within the next few seconds the train will, already completely full with yellow and reds and browns, be filled with black and white as well. The train doors open and just as expected the people start falling in, he grabs a hold of his grandmother and pulls her closer to the middle so that she doesn’t get squished by the Candor families.

 

“Candor,” she mutters sourly and he tilts his head in question to which she eases her expression a bit from disgust to...mediocre dislike. “That faction has no respect for anyone’s feelings, they just say whatever they want. How can you trust someone like that?” Jeongin nods understandingly and turns away from the conversation, not wanting to engage in any debate on the subject. Because he knows there’s no use in trying with his grandmother, however, in his personal opinion, Candors are probably some of the bestest friends you can have. He’s only met Seungmin and Felix once, and while they have been extremely blunt with him, far more than anyone else from his own faction, he’s kind of liked it. He’d rather someone pointed out that he had a booger hanging from his nose than be kind and pretend it’s not there, sure he would be extremely embarrassed in the moment, but it would be nothing compared to the embarrassment of having to find out himself later on after everyone’s already seen it.

 

He doesn’t actively try to ignore his grandmother for the rest of the trip, but he doesn’t engage in any conversations either, there’s no use when he feels that whatever subject he chooses will end up in her making it a competition, and her always winning the argument because he’s too young to know anything; despite the fact that she never has any facts to argue with, only opinions. Opinions rooted in deep prejudice as well.

 

When the train stops for the second time Jeongin grows even more nervous, there’s no backing out now when they’re basically on the front porch of the ceremony. Not that he could ever have backed out, but like, he could have run away from home yesterday and spare himself an extra two days. His grandmother, the Amity she is, waits for most of the people to exit the train before following suit and grabbing Jeongin’s hand once more so that they don’t get separated, even though they're about to be just that in the coming minutes.

 

They follow the rest of Jeongin’s classmates whose families have already left them to go and take their seats and Jeongin’s a little embarrassed to be the only one with a parent (figure) next to him, “it’s okay grandma, I’ll see you in a bit,” he manages to mumble nervously and she spares him a look before sighing deeply squeezing his cheeks, “aren’t you a big boy, huh?”  she says lovingly and it only makes the bubbling guilt in him even worse.

 

“I’ll see you in a bit,” she pulls him into a quick hug before pecking his cheek and then she’s disappearing into the crowd. He knows that he’s gonna see her in a few minutes when he takes his seat inside the ceremony hall, he’s even gonna sit next to her, he just needs to get registered first, but for some reason, it feels like his goodbye has already begun.

 

Within five minutes he’s at the front just like last time getting his hand scanned, only this time there are only three numbers and the woman administering it actually tells him what it’s for, “Amity is in section 2, and 12 is for which row you’re in, follow the signs,”  he thanks her gratefully before making his way inside. It’s only then that he notices that they didn’t enter the same way they did for the aptitude test which is why he doesn’t recognize the interior, he’d been too distracted to notice. But thankfully it’s a lot easier this time because right in front of him are five large openings and through them, he can see the podium and the five bowls in which his life will be decided.

 

He swallows heavily and heads on over to the one marked ‘2’ accidentally bumping into one of his classmates who gives him a small encouraging smile before hurrying to her friends and at that moment, when he sees her golden tan skin, her luscious curls, her yellow top and her red skirt, and her calm and gentle smile, only then does he make his decision, and only then does he make peace with it.

 

Passing through the giant opening and heading up the stairs he notices that every three steps a new row begins and the numbers slowly climb until it reaches twelve and he raises his gaze only to see his grandmother in the middle. She waves him over and he awkwardly starts walking past the people already seated, “sorry, I’m sorry,” he mumbles everytime he nudges someone or stumbles but finally he reaches his grandmother and sits down in the seat next to her. She goes to open her mouth to speak but is interrupted by someone shouting his name and he quickly turns his gaze, eyes blown wide at the shout and as he looks over the crowd to see where the shout came from and someone captures his eyes. A pair of white-clad arms are waving at him wildly and Jeongin meets Felix’s eyes, “oh,” he mumbles once he sees who called his name. To say he’s shocked would be an understatement, but he raises his arm and waves back slightly to which Felix’s face breaks out into a grin. Jeongin thinks he can see Seungmin behind him trying to stop Felix from embarrassing himself, as well as two very well dressed people that he can only assume are Felix’s parents, but Felix just keeps on waving.

 

“Who is that boy?” his grandmother asks and it’s a completely different tone from before, Jeongin puts his hand down slowly and lowers his gaze, “I met him yesterday,” her eyes narrow and Jeongin quickly adds, “he’s really nice!”. She continues to stare at him before huffing and leaning forward so that Jeongin’s vision of Felix is blocked, “I’m sure he was nice yesterday, but there’s no use in getting attached when there are so many nicer boys in Amity,” she says, not unkindly, but firm and Jeongin looks down to the floor and nods solemnly.

 

But with his gaze turned downwards and his view blocked by his grandmother he doesn’t notice the way Felix’s smile falls and how he turns to Seungmin, “did you see that? She just blocked him from seeing me,” he whines and Seungmin frowns, “lots of Amity folk don’t like Candor, Felix,” he speaks and Felix shrugs carelessly, “yeah but Jeongin didn’t seem to have a problem so I figured his family was the same,” Seungmin rolls his eyes at his friend’s ignorance, “not everyone's like their family,” he mumbles and Felix scoffs as if to say  _ don’t you think I know that already. _

 

But then he remembers something that peaked his interest, “speaking of family, I didn’t see anyone young enough to be his parent, only his grandmother, if that’s what she is,” Felix says curiously and Seungmin stretches to look over to where Jeongin’s sitting and, indeed, there’s no one talking to Jeongin or even acknowledging him except for the old lady with an uncanny resemblance to Jeongin so she must be his grandmother. But just as Seungmin’s about to agree with Felix (for once in his life) and point out that it’s bit odd a voice booms throughout the entirety of the hall and everyone immediately fall silent. 

 

Jeongin brings his hand up to his mouth and begins to gaw at his nails because after Erudite’s leader Park Jinyoung has made his speech the first person will go up onto that stage, cut their hand, and drop their blood into their bowl of choice, each bowl representing each of the faction. Grey stones for Abnegation, earth for Amity, glass for Candor, water for Erudite and sizzling coals for Dauntless. Jeongin only has his eyes on one bowl, and in the midsts of his concentration, the speech of Erudite’s leader falls on deaf ears right until his grandmother nudges him in the side. He looks up and his gaze falls upon the man whose voice is all too familiar to Jeongin.

 

“The future,” Jinyoung pauses for dramatic effect, “belongs to those who know where they belong,” he finishes off and a heavy silence falls upon the crowd as the leader takes a deep breath, “faction before blood,” he utters and immediately the crowd responds back, “faction before blood,” in chorus, but not Jeongin; never Jeongin. 

 

Park Jinyoung bows deeply to the people before leaving the stage and giving it to the actual leaders, which would be Abnegation. Abnegation are the ones in charge of the whole system, they are their regime since, because of their selfless nature they have no wants to embezzle money or steal from other, they are the leaders solely focused on the needs of others. Their leader, Leeteuk, steps forward and bows deeply to the crowd, “when we leave this room, you will no longer be dependants-” he pauses and looks out over the crowd of kids together with their parents, and Jeongin thinks that there’s something bitter in the way he smiles. Something off.

 

“-You will be full-fledged members of our society,” he looks over at the Abnegation faction’s seats and his face changes, it’s not a big difference but Jeongin can see the way his forehead wrinkles sadly for a second but when his eyes snap away from his faction, so does his expression. “Remember,” he pauses, “faction before blood,” and yet again the crowd repeats after him, however, this time his grandmother notices his lack of response and pinches his thigh tightly, “faction before blood,” he whispers and she nods in satisfaction.

 

To Jeongin, it’s all very contradictory. His family disowned his brother because of the faction he chose, because he left his family behind, but they’ve always been very avid believers in the message ‘faction before blood’, but on some levels Jeongin can understand what it is that they mean. Because according to his family, Amity is the only choice; because Amity is  _ in _ them, in their blood.

 

Leeteuk grabs some sort of tablet from a table behind him and with a small, comforting, and fatherly smile towards the crowd, he begins to read. “Kwon Eunbin,” a girl from Erudite clad in the usual blue clothing with her hair pulled back cooly steps up confidently and grabs the knife on the table, without even a second of hesitation she slices her palm and clenches her hand into a fist. But when it’s time to choose she hesitates, only for a short while, with her hand over water she sucks in a breath and moves it over to Dauntless just as the blood drips and the sound of sizzling coal can be heard for a millisecond before the entire Dauntless faction cheers loudly. Joengin looks over at the Erudite faction who don’t look particularly happy and one woman in the crowd who Jeongin can only assume is this Eunbin girl’s mother buries her head in her hands and the man next to her puts a hand on her back, it’s a sad sight but then again, faction before blood, right?

 

“Kang Chanhee,” Leeteuk says as soon as the crowd has quieted down and a boy from Jeongin’s own faction makes his way down to the stage and he recognizes him from his class, they’ve never spoken except for that one time, a few days after his father was banned, when Chanhee came up to him and said “I’m sorry your dad’s an asshole,” and Jeongin smiles at the memory, he can almost guess which faction he’s gonna choose. The boy seems to have a little trouble mustering up the courage to cut his hand but he manages after a few moments by looking away from his own hand and just going for it, the blade must be incredibly sharp because even from where Jeongin’s sitting he can tell that Chanhee uses next to no force.

 

And as soon as blood reaches the surface of his wound he holds it over his chosen bowl and let’s it drop onto the broken pieces of glass,  _ Candor _ . Candor claps calmly, so very different from Dauntless, and one of the people in the front row stands up to shake Chanhee’s hand to which Chanhee shakes back comfortably and Jeongin really hopes that his classmate- former classmate- will have it well in Candor.

 

The rest of the ceremony continues on for what feels like hours to Jeongin, and it probably is as well, judging by how many people there are in the entire hall. And Jeongin’s somewhere at the bottom of the list because it goes according to age, he’s probably last. He doesn’t know if there are any other fifteen year olds in the crowd since it’s not a usual situation, it was only a few years ago that they changed the law so that if you’re a class above your other same-age friends because you skipped a grade then you’re able to take the aptitude test and make your decision. A few years ago you had to wait an entire year even after school was done so that you could choose together with the rest of the sixteen year olds.

 

When they reach September Jeongin feels like he’s about to fall asleep in his chair despite the break they had halfway through, it’s been going on for far too long and he thinks that they must be closing in on lunch hours by now, that’s how long it’s been.  Just as he’s about to give up and lean his head in his own hand he hears a name that’s familiar to him, “Lee Felix,” he sits up completely alert in his chair, startling his grandmother in the process, and she puts a hand over her heart, “Jeongin-ah,” she hisses but stops when she sees whose name they called. Jeongin sees Felix hug Seungmin and say something to the adults next to him before squeezing his way through the row of people and making his way down the stairs towards the stage, when he steps up he grabs the knife and presses it into the skin of his palm, but not hard enough to draw blood. Instead he pauses and takes a look at the bowls in front of him, Jeongin follow his line of sight and sees that he’s staring at the Candor bowl,  _ is he gonna choose Candor? _

 

But then the knife pierces his skin and he holds his hand out and Jeongin feels his breath catch in his chest...and then the sizzling of the coals echoes in the room and Dauntless once again erupts with happiness for another transfer, Felix grabs a piece of paper from the table to press against his cut before making his way over to his new faction where he’s greeted by someone punching him in the shoulder jokingly, and when Felix smiles Jeongin knows his friend has found his place. Candor on the other hand don’t seem very happy, but from what Jeongin can see, no one’s crying, so that’s a plus.

 

There are two girls after Felix but none of them transfer factions so Jeongin doesn’t pay them any mind, it’s only when Leeteuk shouts out “Kim Seungmin,” that his interest is peaked once more. Seungmin shakes hands with a man next to him and bows to the woman next to the man and Jeongin frowns because, the resemblance is clear, they’re clearly his parents, but he finds their interaction odd.

 

To Jeongin’s surprise, Seungmin walks up confidently, grabs the knife, and before Jeongin even has the time to guess what his choice will be Seungmin cuts his hand and holds it over Dauntless, and once again the coal sizzles loudly. Right next to him his grandmother scoffs and shakes her head disappointingly but Jeongin keeps his gaze fixed on the stage because he knows nothing will happen in his favor if he were to catch his grandmother’s eyes now.

 

_ Felix and seungmin both chose Dauntless. Is that what Seungmin meant? “Wherever Felix goes I go” _

 

October and November pass by surprisingly quickly, either not a lot of people were born those months or Jeongin’s been spacing out quite a lot thinking about his own choice of faction. Despite knowing what he wants he’s still worried he’s gonna freeze up there and choose something completely different, what if he accidentally drops his blood in Erudite? He would never survive there despite being a grade above what he should be.

  
  


They’re onto December now, Jeongin can tell because one of his classmates gets called and he remember his birthday party from when they were six and starting school, but like Jeongin expected, he chooses Amity- it’s only then that he notices.  _ No one _ from Amity has transferred today, not a single one. He grows more nervous as every minute passes and they make their way through December and onto January of the next year- there’s only one person born in January that happens to have skipped a grade and she chooses to stay in Erudite, so then it’s Jeongin’s turn. “Hwang Jeongin,” his heart skips a beat and he has to swallow harshly to keep the bile down, his grandmother stands up and hugs him tightly with a gentle smile which Jeongin refuses to return because he’ll probably start crying if he does. He makes his way past his classmates and their parents and some of them give him small encouraging looks which he’s really grateful for because despite the lack of friends he has, he’s not an outsider. They’re still family, in a way.

 

He stumbles a bit while making his way up onto the stage but manages to save the little dignity he has left, thankfully. He would never let himself live that one down. He grabs the knife on the table with shaky hands and looks at the blade in his hands, it’s sharp and silver and on the side there’s an engravement, ‘faction before blood’ and Jeongin finds it unsettling that even in the last moment before you’re supposed to decide the rest of your life, you’re still being told what to do- in a way.

 

He closes his eyes and presses the blade to his palm, he’s no stranger to pain but he’s never inflicted it onto himself so he finds it hard to actually make the blade draw any blood. He takes a deep breath and slices deep enough to draw blood, perhaps a bit too deep because blood rushes to his palm quickly and he hurriedly puts the knife down to place his other hand under the injured one to keep his blood from dripping into the wrong bowl. He stares at the earth, the soil he’s pretty sure is still under his nails from digging out carrots and potatoes just a few days ago, that could be his life. Meet someone nice, eat nice food, live a nice life- but he doesn’t want ‘just nice’, he wants something exciting- not to mention, he doesn’t want to live alone. He wants his brother, his family- so that’s where he lets the blood drip.

 

It lands on the sizzling coals and the first thing he hears isn’t the cheers from Dauntless, it’s the pained shout from his grandmother, the agony in it makes the guilt in him overwhelming and he quickly grabs a few tissues, presses them against his injured hand, and hurries over to his brother’s faction- his faction- Dauntless.

 

Felix is the first one to greet him instead of one of the Dauntless-born and he throws his arms around Jeongin much like before, “I can’t believe this! This is too good,” he shouts excitedly over the sound of Dauntless’ cheers and Jeongin gives him a small and careful smile, it doesn’t feel real yet. 

 

When Felix lets him go a Dauntless member comes up to him and pats his shoulder, he doesn’t look very old and, to be honest, he doesn’t look very Dauntless either, not with his chipmunk-like cheeks anyways. But Jeongin knows better than to judge someone by their appearance, so he accepts the pat with a small smile.

 

“Welcome to Dauntless,” the guy says and Jeongin bows slightly, “thanks,” he mumbles with his eyes downcast and the man nudges him without a word, but in some odd way, Jeongin feels comforted. 

 

“Yah Seungmin-ah, didn’t I say that we would meet again?” Felix mocks with an arm around Jeongin and Seungmin rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless, Felix half hugs Jeongin with one arm while reaching forward to pull Seungmin in as well to which Seungmin yelps but lets him anyways. It’s clear that despite Seungmin’s uncaring and unbothered nature he still very much likes his friend.

 

The crowd begins to move and Jeongin realizes that he was the last person to choose faction when he sees people leaving the hall and he stands on his tip toes to see if he can catch a glimpse of his grandmother- he wishes he hadn’t done that. When they lock eyes she’s, to Jeongin’s surprise, not crying, her eyes look even more dry than they did before he went up on that stage, but she’s glaring; glaring so fiercely that Jeongin has to look away from her sharp gaze. Jeongin freezes in Felix's grip but thankfully Felix, too busy pestering Seungmin, doesn’t seem to notice, and if he does he doesn’t say anything. They, together with the rest of Dauntless, make their way out of the hall and quickly enough they’re back out on the streets and then suddenly everyone’s running. Jeongin loses the loose grip that he had on Felix’s shirt as Felix starts running and he panics for a second thinking  _ this is it, I haven’t even joined Dauntless officially and I’m already failing,  _ but then he looks ahead of him he sees what they’re running towards- the train.

 

He pushes his body to run a little faster but he’s also aware that he has no idea how to actually get to the train and he’s about to slow down to think of a plan when someone unfamiliar grabs his hand and drags him with them, they’re running a bit in front of Jeongin and Jeongin recognizes the light, slightly long haired style, with pink streaks as the Dauntless guy who greeted him inside so he lets him lead him, trusting that he’ll help him.

 

They run past the bridge where everyone’s climbing up and Jeongin sees Felix helping Seungmin up by practically dragging him up and he wonders if that maybe he should have just stuck with them instead of this stranger who’s dragging him somewhere unknown, but just as he’s about to pull away from the guy’s grip the stranger suddenly slows down and then he’s dragging Jeongin up a pair of hidden stairs that Jeongin assumes is some sort of fire escape, and suddenly he’s eternally grateful for the stranger because at least he didn't have to climb up those pillars. He’s good at climbing trees, but metal pillars is not something he’s willing to try nor risk since his life depends on whether he makes it onto that train or not.

 

When they make it up onto the platform Jeongin sees Felix and Seungmin on the other side and just when Seungmin, to the surprise of Jeongin, raises his hand to wave at him a train separates him from them and he’s so shocked by the closeness of the vehicle that he almost falls backwards back onto concrete that most likely would have killed him but thankfully the stranger grabs a hold of his yellow hoodie hurriedly and saves him from that horrible fate. “Careful,” the stranger says and Jeongin nods silently, too shocked to speak, his breath trapped in his chest and his heart beating in his stomach. 

 

The guy grabs him by the hand once more and then they’re running again, but this time it has Jeongin even more stressed because they’re running on a ledge, not leaving much room for stumbling which Jeongin is prone too, next to a moving train. They’re running next to a pair of doors that Jeongin figures they are supposed to somehow, magically, enter- while still running and he has no idea how they’re gonna do that, but the guy in front of him doesn’t seem too worried so he keeps running until he feels his legs grow weak, which is only a few steps later- he’s never needed the ability to run this fast nor this much.

 

The doors open with a swoosh and the stranger in front of him lets his hand go, grabs a hold of the handle on the door before swinging himself up so that he’s half standing on the step just beneath the door and when he’s steady enough he holds his hand out for Jeongin to take which he does almost immediately and then he’s suddenly being pulled up and practically thrown into the cart of the train, landing face down on the floor but thankfully not hurting himself. He sits up slowly just in time for the door to close and as soon as it does and the wind is no longer hitting his face he feels incredibly hot and he wipes his forehead with the back of his wrist and fans his neck. The stranger kneels in front of him and drags a hand through Jeongin’s hair so that his forehead is free of his bangs and gives him a blinding smile, “you did well! Last time I tried that the poor guy couldn’t keep up and got left behind,” he says and Jeongin’s eyes widen- he really could have been factionless five minutes into being Dauntless.

 

“I’m Jisung, but I go by Han most of the time,” Jeongin doesn’t understand why this guy is being so nice to him but he’s not about to reject some random act of kindness so he nods in acknowledgement, “I’’m Hw-” he pauses and looks down at his lap, his grandmother’s comment echoing inside is mind from when he asked her what she would think if he chose something else other than Amity ‘you’re not a Hwang anymore’, and since he chose differently than Amity, that must mean he’s not a Hwang anymore.

 

So he says, “I’m Jeongin, just Jeongin,” he mumbles nervously and Jisung chuckles softly and drags his hand through the younger’s hair once more, “alright, just Jeongin, you can call me hyung if you want to,” Jeongin likes the sound of that so he nods excitingly and smiles slightly but when Jisung goes to help the younger boy up from the floor another hand beats him to it, “a third hyung! Seungmin that means he’s gonna favor this guy cause he's older,”  _ oh, Felix. _ Felix helps him up and dusts the imaginary dust off of him, similarly to their very first meeting, and throws and arm around him quite possessively to which Seungmin rolls his eyes and turns to Jisung.

 

“Where you planning on stealing Jeongin away?” he deadpans and Jisung lets out a surprised scoff before shaking his head and saying, in disbelief, “no,” to which Seungmin turns to Felix and says sarcastically, “see? all is well,” but Felix only tightens his grip on Jeongin and dabs the sweat from the boy’s forehead with his sleeve.

 

Jisung seems to decide that he’s had enough because he takes his leave then to go talk to some Dauntless girl and Felix detangles himself from Jeongin only to swing his arm around Seungmin instead, “what an Erudite,” he says not unkindly, just matter of factly and Jeongin frowns,  _ how does he know that? _

 

“Who? Han hyung?” he questions and Felix mutters something about ‘hyung’, that Jeongin can’t hear, before he actually responds to Jeongin, “yeah, he’s totally a former Erudite, I mean, who else would go look for stair hwne they could just climb up the giant pillars in front ot them? Right Minnie,” Seungmin’s cheeks turn red at the nickname but he nods in agreement and Jeongin nods curiously, he would never have been able to tell- but maybe it comes with the bluntness of Candor or something.

 

They ride for only a few minutes and Jeongin notices that at some point they switched tracks cause he doesn’t recognize any of the buildings they’re passing but it makes him excited, seeing something new and foreign. Seungmin’s leaning up against the window, looking out at everything they’re riding by, while Felix is hanging onto Seungmin, most likely looking out as well, but Jeongin stays in the center. Even now when lots of window space is open for him he doesn’t feel comfortable doing so, it feels like if he starts taking his postion to lightly and freely, he’s gonna wake up any second now only for it all to be a dream.

 

His thoughts are cut off by Jisung’s shout for everyone to get ready and Jeongin has no idea what he’s getting ready for but straightens up a bit and looks around the train to check what everyone else is doing,  _ what’s going on? _   But just as he’s about to voice his concerns his question is answered when Jisung opens one of the doors close to Jeongin and shouts over the sound of the window, “time to jump,” and Jeongin’s entire body freezes,  _ jump? Out of a moving train? _

 

Felix seems just as surprised as Jeongin because his mouth falls open and sputters but contrary to Jeongin he doesn't seem scared out of his mind, “fuck yeah, this is the excitement I was looking for,” he releases his grip on Seungmin and takes his place by the doors, and to the utmost surprise to Jeongin as well as Seungmin, he jumps at the same time as Jisung with a loud shout of excitement while the two boys can only gape after him.

 

Seungmin hurriedly comes to stand next to Jeongin and in the moment of weakness he grabs Jeongin by the hand and takes a deep breath, “together?” he asks and Jeongin gulps loudly while tightening his grip on Seungmin’s hand, “together,” he responds and then they’re flying out the doors and to Jeongin it almost seems like it happens in slow motion, he feels like he can see every detail of his surroundings in the short while that they’re up in the air but it all crashes when...well...he crashes.

  
Contrary to Seungmin’s somewhat handy somersault he lands directly on his hands and knees and feels the skin rip open as he lands, it hurts and stings a lot more than he expected it too but at least he made it. He sighs in relief despite the pain and the blood beginning to drip from his cuts, Seungmin helps him up by the nape and hisses when he sees the boy’s bloody hands and knees, “ouch, that looks like it hurts,” it’s not said in a condescending way, it just comes off that way because of his Candor nature, Jeongin nods and wipes his hands on his pants, they’re already ruined so who cares if he ruins them some more. He hears Felix groan and he assumes it’s because he landed awkwardly as well but when Felix speaks up Jeongin freezes, “we have to jump again,” he whines and Jeongin wonders,  _ how the hell am I supposed to survive the rest of training if I can barely do the most basic stuff? You know, like jumping off a moving train. _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Leave a comment if you have the time (and please excuse any mistakes, but you can point them out in the comments and I'll fix them at some point, just don't be mean hehe)
> 
> Have a nice day/night/morning/evening <3
> 
> (Btw: sorry for the lame ending but it's currently 01:59 am where I am so I'm too tired to function properly)


	4. Cut Knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys make their jumps, are introduced to their leader, shown around Dauntless, and thrown into the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry....I literally couldn't make this any shorter...I had an idea of what I wanted to get to but I never did so here you have 10 000 words of pure rambling...  
> Also, it hasn't been proofread so expect a LOT of mistakes

 

“Initiates!” a man, with a buzzcut and tattoos seemingly covering every inch of his body, shouts, standing at the very edge of the building they’re currently on top of. The sound of his voice shakes almost everyone out of their shock and they turn to stare at the obvious authority in front of them, “you’ve made it this far,” _barely,_ Jeongin thinks, “and now you’re here, at the very edge of entering the Dauntless compound, so…” he pauses and smirks in a way that has Jeongin shuddering uncomfortably, “who wants to go first?” he gestures towards the ledge with a sneer and Jeongin now understands what it was that Felix meant by another jump. A boy with green hair and ripped jeans, obviously, Dauntless-born, standing a few meters away from Jeongin throws up on his shoes forcefully, his entire body heaving with the movement and Jeongin has to look away before he makes himself sick.

 

He’s not afraid of heights, not really, but if he could avoid jumping twenty 20 meters down into a giant pit of black he would really do so. The boy continues to heave even when nothing’s coming out of him and one of the Dauntless-born girls go to pat him on the back as he hacks up his lungs, but the man on the ledge does not look pleased with the display of weakness from one of his own. “You over there,” the leader shouts and like the boy has been programmed to do so, he immediately straightens up and swallows down the bile heavily, standing at attention in front of not only the leader but everyone else, his classmates and all the transfers. “What’s your name?” the leader questions and the boy swallows once more and clears his throat, “Kim Dongwoo, sir,” his voice is hoarse from throwing up just seconds ago but he’s standing steadily enough that if Jeongin hadn’t seen him cough his stomach’s contents up he wouldn’t have been able to tell anything was wrong.

 

“Well, Dongwoo,” the man jumps down from the ledge, landing stealthily, and the crowd parts for him like the red sea as he takes a few steps forward, “you’ve got ten seconds to jump-” he looks up at the sky as if he can’t think of what to say but when he locks eyes on the poor boy once more it’s clear that his intentions are far from kind, his entire face is overtaken by the dark smirk he’s wearing and then he’s saying, “or you’re out.”

 

Felix turns to gape at both Seungmin and Jeongin and while Seungmin manages to mask his face, Jeongin, who’s standing right next to him, can tell that he’s just as shocked as Felix. Jeongin clenches his fists, despite the pain in his scratched up palms, but he can’t quite tell if it’s in anger or frustration- Dauntless is all about being brave but as of now, Dongwoo hasn’t even been given the chance to work through his fears enough to be brave, though, isn’t that what the Dauntless training is for? Seems unfair to force him to do something he hasn’t been trained for. 

 

The boy loses all he remaining color that he had in his face and even the stoic girl who merely moments ago was patting his back pitifully looks surprised, “please I- I can’t,” he begs but the man at the front is relentless, he drops his smirk as soon as the words leave Dongwoo’s mouth and it’s replaced by a malicious look, “there is no ‘I can’t’ in Dauntless,” he mocks the voice of Dongwoo and holds his hands up in a defenseless position to mimic the boy, “jump, or you’re out.”

 

Dongwoo heaves but this time it’s a sob that wracks his body as he takes slow steps towards the edge of the building, his legs shaking and his posture sunken in on himself. He grabs a hold of the edge and takes a peek over it but immediately falls back onto his butt, “ten” the leader begins and Dongwoo shakes his head and a few tears spill, Jeongin has to look away.

 

“nine,” he continues whilst Dongwoo crawls towards him to beg on his knees, “please, I’ll do anything else, just- I can’t jump,” he pleads weakly, however, as expected, the man pays him no mind and curls another finger to his palm, “eight,” the girl from before who was patting Dongwoo’s back walks over to where the boy is curled in on himself and grabs him by the nape of the neck and practically drags him back to the edge, “this is pathetic,” she mumbles and Jeongin can’t fathom how she can sound so disgusted with her fellow Dauntless, doesn’t she have any fears?

 

“Seven.”

 

“Jump,” lifting him back onto his feet she pushes him ahead of her so that he can climb up onto the ledge but he can’t make himself do it, even though he knows what will happen if he doesn’t jump. If he doesn’t make the jump, consequently, he’ll be left up here to later be taken to the factionless and live there for the rest of his miserable life. “Six.”

 

“I can’t,” he says once more and this time, this time it’s clear to Jeongin that he’s not gonna make the jump, ever, and he seems to have made peace with it as well because he pushes the girl away and goes to stand as far away from the rest of them as well. Seungmin looks at him with pity, because had they been forced to crawl through some narrow tunnel or, hell, be shipped down in small boxes or something, Seungmin would have been standing where Dongwoo is now. Jeongin looks over at Jisung, who’s standing a little to the right of the tattooed leader, and despite him being Dauntless as well, he doesn’t look half too pleased with the treatment of Dongwoo, nor the result- a factionless before they’ve even officially entered Dauntless.

 

The leader claps his hands together, finalizing the entire event as if it never happened, and then the smirk is back, “so, who’s next?” the question barely has enough time to be said before Felix’s hand is up in the air, waving wildly, “Candor?” there’s surprise plastered on his face but nonetheless he looks pleased enough to have someone brave enough to make the jump.

 

Felix struts casually over to the ledge and jumps up, he doesn’t even look the least bit nervous while Seungmin can already feel the nervousness making its way through his body as a natural response to knowing that he’s, at some point in the coming minutes, supposed to jump twenty meters into darkness, and he’s not even close to the edge. Felix takes a peek down into the giant hole of darkness and gulps loudly, and then he turns to Seungmin and Jeongin, makes a halfhearted salute and says,” see you at the bottom,” and then he’s falling backwards, not even seeing where he’s about to land, and Jeongin makes a mental note to _not_ do that. They hear Felix’s excited cheer as he falls and then it stops suddenly, which can only mean he landed safely in water (despite them not hearing a splash) or he’s dead. Jeongin doesn’t like the odds of that.

 

“Next?” the leader gestures to the ledge and a Dauntless-born girl steps forward without a word, she doesn’t seem as excited as Felix had but there’s no sign of nervosity either and Jeongin barely has the time to register that someone else is about to jump because in just a few seconds she’s gone without a peep.

 

* * *

 

 

He doesn’t know what he was expecting but it was certainly not to fall into a net out of all things, furthermore, he hadn’t expected to bounce around so much. To his disappointment, he only gets a second of rest from all the excitement before the net is dipping and he’s rolling off straight into someone’s arms and to his shock, it’s someone he recognizes. “It’s you!” he exclaims excitedly before adding, “I know you! Did you miss me?” to which the only response he gets is, “I was hoping you missed the train,” Felix pouts sadly as he’s put down on the ground, “name?” Felix stares incredulously, “you know my name already?” the man sighs, clearly annoyed, and asks again, “Felix,” and the man nods, seemingly satisfied with the answer, before shouting to the crowd (whom Felix hadn't noticed), “first jumper, Felix!” which is met by cheers that have Felix blushing.

 

Just as Felix is about to ask the man for his name since he never got it, a girl falls through the hole and lands in the net and his window of opportunity disappears.

 

* * *

 

 

“Boring,” the leader mutters with a roll of his eyes, he had most certainly been expecting some sort of shout of fear or at least some shivering but the girl had been stoic. He looks over the crowd, undoubtedly picking out who to torment next, but before he even has time to speak, the same girl who dragged Dongwoo to the front, steps forward with an irritated look, “Nancy, you took your time,” Seungmin snorts at the girl’s name, indiscreetly, which she manages to hear and she turns toward Seungmin, and by default, Jeongin, and sneers.

 

She steps up onto the ledge but as soon as she’s up she jumps down again which peaks the interest of the tattooed leader, “following in Dongwoo’s footsteps?” he spits out, clearly not amused with her cowardice and she shakes her head forcefully but doesn’t make a move to jump up on the ledge again. Seungmin sees his chance to make her feel a bit bad, _it’s not like she doesn’t deserve it,_ and he takes it. “If you’re too afraid, maybe you should go and stand over there with Dongwoo, I’ll jump for you,” Jeongin turns to stare at Seungmin in shock, still not quite used to his Candor nature, but Seungmin doesn’t seem to notice as he walks up to the ledge. Nancy’s brows furrow and her jaw tightens angrily but Seungmin pays her no mind as he jumps up on the ledge, he sways slightly, almost immediately feeling lightheaded as he sees how far the jump is, and he can’t tell where he’s about to land either.

 

Nancy sneers at him but Seungmin, with his back, turned to her, doesn’t notice. He breathes heavily and closes his eyes, the wind blowing through his hair a constant reminder of where he’s standing. Jeongin bites his nails anxiously because he can see the leader tapping his foot impatiently, “are you gonna jump or what?” Nancy questions sassily with a smirk and Seungmin turns slightly so that he can see her, “third place is still a medal, no one remembers the fourth,” and then he’s jumping off the ledge, the breath being knocked out of him rendering it impossible for him to scream. It feels like he’s falling for ages and when he finally lands it’s not at all in what he expected, he feels the net touch his back for only a split second before he flies up again, he does this a few times’ every jump making him feel slightly nauseous but then he finally lands and lies still in the net.

 

The net dips and he rolls down from it into a man’s awaiting arms but as soon as he’s out of the net he puts him down and gives him an incredulous look, “Candor?” it only seems like an obvious statement to the others, since he’s wearing Candor clothes and is obviously a transfer, but Seungmin knows what he means. After all, Changbin was the one administering his test, he knows his result, and had he followed his result, he would not be standing here now.

 

“What’s your name?” Seungmin doesn’t even question the older’s reason, maybe he’s forgotten, maybe he hasn’t, “Seungmin,” he speaks, a little out of breath from falling twenty meters but Changbin nods without any sort of expression and shouts out, “third jumper, Seungmin!”

 

Seungmin heads over to where Felix is standing and the boy immediately throws an arm around him and buries his face in Seungmin’s shoulder, “Minnie! I didn’t think you would jump so quickly,” it’s not said in a condescending way, Felix has more confidence in Seungmin than he has in himself, only in a matter of factual way because it’s true, he would never have expected Seungmin to be the third jumper.

 

Seungmin only grins, “I took Nancy’s place,” he whispers as if it’s some dirty secret and Felix lifts a hand to cover his mouth, “what did you do?” Seungmin answers, “she was about to jump but got scared as soon as she stepped up, and I wouldn’t have made fun of her if it wasn’t for the way she treated Dongwoo, so I told her that if she was too afraid then maybe she should go stand with him,” Felix oohs to which Seungmin nudges him in the side for because the last thing he wants is to attract too much attention. “I might have also told her that no one will remember her if she isn’t one of the first three to jump, I would assume she’s not very happy about that since I jumped third,” he snorts, amused at the thought of Nancy’s suffering.

 

“What about Jeongin?” Felix bites his lips, a small sign of his worrying, and Seungmin realizes that he has no idea how Jeongin’s dealing now that he’s alone, _dammit,_ “I kind of forgot about him,” he hesitates, “for a second, you know?” Felix spares him an unamused glare and looks up toward the giant hole in the roof from which they fell. “Let’s just hope he’s not freaking out up there.”

 

\--

 

_Don’t freak out, don’t freak out, it’s just a little jump. You’ve jumped from trees before, it’s basically the same thing...except this is twenty meters and the tree was two and a half at best. Just breathe, you’ll be fine, if you don’t jump you’ll never see your brother again and if you don’t jump you’ll end up factionless with no food and no clothes and no warmth and -_

 

“Next!” a boy, Dauntless-born, with a stoic face and muscles as big as Jeongin’s head walks up to the ledge, making sure to bump into Jeongin forcefully on his way. Jeongin rubs his sore shoulder and glares after the boy, what made him do that? It’s not like Jeongin’s done anything to him. The boy steps up on the ledge and looks over at the leader, as if asking for permission to jump, and the leader only raises his brows challenging before gesturing over the edge. Barely a second passes before the boy is flying off the edge, making sure to flex by backflipping off the ledge instead of jumping like a normal person.

 

 _He’s the fourth to jump,_ Jeongin thinks as he counts the people before him, they’re now getting into the lot of losers apparently, if the look on the leader’s face is anything to go by. It seems that to him, only the top three matters, but Jeongin’s not so surprised, everything here seems to be based on competition, compared to Amity where everything relied on teamwork and support. Here, even your closest friends and family, are your competition.

 

Nancy jumps next, seemingly having mustered up enough courage to finally take the leap and she does it gracefully like everything else she does. But Jeongin can’t help but dislike her for being mean to Dongwoo; whom, without Jeongin even noticing, isn’t on the roof anymore and is nowhere to be seen, have they already taken him to the factionless? Jeongin doesn’t even want to think about it, the boy, the same age as him, at best one year older than him, completely alone with no family or friends in factionless where it’s a constant fight for survival, Jeongin shudders.

 

 _That will not be me,_ he tells himself mentally, but even his head voice wavers nervously, _right?_

 

Similarly to Dongwoo, the girl, Eunbin (from Erudite) is already crying, it’s not as panicked as Dongwoo was, but it’s clear that she’s shaking from fear. Jeongin reaches over, purely out of instinct, and pats her on the shoulder, she looks up from her hands quickly and distressed, probably expecting it to be the tattooed leader but when she sees Jeongin she relaxes. She takes in his clothes with calculating eyes before giving him a small smile through her tears and Jeongin is unsure if she’s smiling because he’s from Amity so she ‘knows’ his intentions are kind, or if she’s smiling because it’s obvious to her that he’s not a threat. He’s picked up quickly in the short while he’s been with Dauntless that there is barely any kindness that doesn’t cost, contrary to Amity where kindness is the way of life, or, at least it should be.

 

He pats her back and mumbles a quick, “you can do it,” and this time Jeongin can tell that she’s genuine when she smiles, and so he smiles back before patting her one last time and letting his hand fall to his side again. She wipes her tears with the stiff blue sleeve of her suit and straightens up, she’s still shaking and it’s clear that she’s still nervous but she’s not crying anymore so that’s a win in Jeongin’s book.

 

Walking up to the ledge she’s less shaky, but nowhere near the confident strut from the choosing ceremony. Grabbing a hold of the ledge with sweaty hands she hauls herself up and whimpers when she sees the hole in the roof, “I-” she hesitates and Jeongin thinks she’s about to step down but she surprises him but taking a giant leap with a loud shriek and then she’s plummeting down. Even the tattooed leader seems surprised, but nonetheless pleased. She’s the fifth person to jump, and Jeongin feels pathetic, he’s not even that afraid of heights, not like Eunbin, and yet here he is, _what’s stopping me?_

 

The sixth person jumps, Jeongin keeps his head down.

 

The seventh person jumps, Jeongin bites his lip until he draws blood.

 

The eight person jumps and Jeongin picks gravel from the cuts in his palm.

 

The ninth person...is him, he decides, his hand flies up into the air when the leader boringly asks for the next person to jump, seemingly to have completely lost all interest in them, but he perks up when Jeongin’s hand waves in the air.

 

“Amity, I was wondering when you were gonna jump,” he cocks a brow and smirks in a way that has the hairs on Jeongin’s arms rising, “you took your time over there,” he says mockingly but Jeongin can only nod, all the words escaping him and rendering him incapable of responding in any other way than to submit. He goes to move his bangs out of the way, smearing some blood on his forehead in the process, which he fails to notice as he takes his place on the ledge. He climbs up onto his bloody knees and looks over the edge, the endless black pit staring right back at him and the cold wind slapping him in the face, he shudders and carefully maneuvers himself into a squat, not daring to fully stand up on the ledge.

 

“Today, Amity,” the leader drawls and Jeongin nods hurriedly and slowly begins to stand, his legs on the verge of failing him; swallowing heavily he closes his eyes tightly so that all he can see is the swirl of stars behind his eyelids and jumps. His entire stomach feels like it’s flipping upside down and he loses his breath as he falls through the hole and lands in the net, to his absolute shock. He’s pretty sure he stops breathing for a while when he’s lying in the net because that was at the same time the most terrifying and exciting thing he’s ever done.

The net dips and he rolls down, arms out ready to catch himself if his fate is to land on the floor, but instead he falls straight into someone’s arms and in the process manages to facepalm the person with his bloody hands.

 

“Fuck,” the person groans and drops Jeongin straight onto his butt on the hard concrete and Jeongin hisses in pain when he lands uncomfortably on his bony backside.

 

“Don't drop the initiates, Binnie~” someone sings mockingly and it's not as raspy as the one who dropped him but it's laced with authority despite the light tone of it. Some giggles can be heard, assuming they weren’t expecting someone as tough as the man to have such a cute nickname as ‘Binnie’. “I try not to but the kid smeared blood in my face,” _I know him,_ is Jeongin’s first thought when he hears the reply from the man, it's the same guy who administered his test, he recognizes the sarcastic tone. “I’m sorry,” Jeongin mumbles when the man reaches down with a hand for Jeongin to take but the man only shakes his head with slightly widened eyes and helps him up despite the blood now ending up on his hand as well.

 

“What the fuck-” the man mumbles when he finally realizes who it is that he helped up and Jeongin shrugs a little helplessly, “no more sunshine land,” the man cocks his brow in question, not exactly expecting a verbal answer but wanting to see how the kid reacts. Jeongin looks up at him and shrugs mutely not knowing what to say, but it’s the obvious that the man is expecting _something_ from him, his test was Amity through and through so what the hell is he doing here? Jeongin himself is surprised that he’s even made it this far.

 

When Jeongin stays silent the man assumes that he’s not gonna get much out of the kid, not that he cares really, if the kid fails it’s his own stupid fault. “Name,” he mutters and Jeongin naturally thinks, _of course, he doesn’t remember my name,_ and opens his mouth to speak, “Jeongin,” he mumbles quietly, not used to dropping the Hwang- but the words of his grandmother are engraved in his memory and despite not agreeing with her, she has taken care of him for years now when his parents and brother couldn’t, so if she says he’s not a Hwang then he’s not a Hwang. And he’s got to learn how to live with that.

 

“I’ve lost count of which jumper we’re on, but the name’s Jeongin!” the man, Binnie, (Jeongin doesn’t know what else to call him) with Jeongin’s blood on his face and hands, shouts and the people around them clap lifelessly, unsurprisingly since no one cares about anyone that comes in ninth place.

 

Jeongin spots Seungmin with Felix, naturally clinging to him, and when their eyes meet Seungmin gestures for him to come over and he takes one look at the man who had turned away from him to help the next person down from the net and takes that as permission to leave and he hurries over to the two.

 

“Hey, you okay? You’re kind of bleeding all over the place,” Felix furrows his brows and points to Jeongin’s bloody knees and his hands, his hands don’t look too bad but his knees are still bleeding and it’s dripping down his legs and being collected at the edge of his socks and he winces as he takes in the cut on his left leg. “It doesn’t hurt that bad,” he mumbles as he rolls up his left pant leg and immediately pain radiates up his leg, seeing how bad it really is makes the pain grow a tenfold and he hisses loudly.

 

“Ow, maybe it does hurt a bit,” he whispers and Felix chuckles a little before throwing Jeongin’s left arm over his own shoulders and helping him stand, taking some of the weight off the most injured leg. They only have to wait for another ten minutes for every person to jump and when the last person is out of the net and his name has been called the unknown man who gave the familiar man the name ‘Binnie’ pushes himself off from the wall where he was leaning and stands in front of all the initiates together with Binnie.

 

His hair is a nuance of gray and his eyebrows thick and brown with a slit going through the left one, wearing a loose fitted white t-shirt and black pants he pales in comparison to Binnie who’s dressed in all-black- the true Dauntless lifestyle, resulting in him not looking particularly scary. But it’s the look in his eyes, the look that screams ‘in charge’ that has Jeongin cowering a bit into Felix’s side. He doesn’t need a knife in his hand or all-black attire to assert himself above all the others in the room, he does it naturally and Jeongin finds it both admirable as well as frightening.

 

“For starters, divide yourself into transfers and Dauntless-born, transfers to the right,” immediately the group begins to divide itself and Felix practically lifts Jeongin off his feet to walk over to the right side of the group to where the other transfers are standing nervously.

 

When the group is divided into two the gray-haired man puts his hands behind his back and straightens up, “Welcome, initiates. I’ll be the leader for the transfer group, my name is Chan,” he speaks loudly and firmly and Jeongin sees the way even Binnie straightens up when Chan speaks, so he can only assume that Chan is older than him.

 

“And I’m Changbin, _not_ Binnie,” Changbin glares at a couple of Dauntless-born girls giggling to the very left and they quickly quiet down under his harsh glare, “I’ll be the leader of the Dauntless-born,” Felix huffs, sad that he won’t be able to get the know the older as much as he wants to, and Jeongin spares him a confused glance; Changbin doesn’t seem to be someone who’s easy to get to know, at least not to Jeongin, but, maybe Felix has his ways.

 

“You’ll be taken to your rooms and shown around the Dauntless compound,” Chan says towards the transfers before turning to the Dauntless-born, “it’s not like you need a tour,” he adds to which the Dauntless-born nod quietly and then Chan turns to Changbin who leans in so that Chan can whisper something. When Chan’s done speaking Changbin nods and suddenly whistles loudly, “Dauntless-born! Follow me,” he calls and as soon as he starts walking the rest of the kids follow him like sheep.

 

When they’ve left the giant hall through the left exit Chan claps his hands loudly and leans his head towards the opening to their right, “follow me.” They pass through a giant hall opening and continue into a large stone tunnel with minimal lighting, so different from Candor’s glass building with natural light seeping through and Amity’s- well, natural light outside on the fields, in the open, whilst in the tunnel they pass a group of guards wearing black masks who are armed heavily, Jeongin keeps his head down purely out of instinct, and turns his face slightly into Felix’s side.

 

Chan stops abruptly and so does the armed group, one of the soldiers, the one in the front, shakes hands with Chan and says something to which Chan’s expression changes drastically and his relaxed (but firm face) turns stone cold and he nods mutely before mumbling something and patting the man on his shoulder, and then they’re walking again. “Is it the guns?” Seungmin suddenly asks Jeongin with a frown and Jeongin furrows his brows, “what?” he questions confusedly to which Seungmin gestures after the guards with a hand, “you lowered your head almost immediately when they walked by,” he points out and Jeongin feels heat raise up to his cheeks, “I’m just wondering, you don’t have to answer-” he hurriedly explains, “-but is it the guns that you’re scared of?” suddenly Jeongin understand what it is that Seungmin means and he shakes his head quickly.

 

“No, I’m not afraid of guns, it’s just-” he cuts himself off, unsure of how to proceed without making Dauntless sound like, well, assholes. Seungmin urges him to go on with an eager look, not explicitly saying it, but his eyes speak enough for Jeongin to know that he’s curious, “it’s what we did back in Amity when soldiers walked by, any strange eye contact with them could get you apprehended for questioning,” he tells hastily, afraid that Chan will, in some way from three meters ahead of them, hear him.

 

Seungmin frowns and shares a look with Felix, “why are Dauntless in Amity?” they both manage to ask at the same time and Jeongin bites his lip nervously and raises himself a bit to see if Chan is looking back but he seems completely focused on leading them to wherever so he deems it safe to speak, “a lot of factionless have been hiding in Amity, both with our knowledge but some without, so Dauntless have been trying to find them by raiding people’s houses,” he half-whispers and Seungmin’s eyes widen, proving Jeongin’s theory that it’s not common knowledge what goes on in Amity.

 

“But,” Felix begins, “the borders?” Jeongin immediately understands what he means and bites his lip nervously, it’s no secret in Amity and obviously not in the higher ups of Dauntless, but he doesn’t know if it’s meant to be common knowledge. “The borders are a little...loose,” as soon as the words leave his mouth a boy walking just ahead of them turns around and Jeongin immediately stops talking and changes his expression to what he hopes is a relatively neutral expression, afraid that he’s said something wrong. But the boy seems to look right past the three of them and Jeongin sigh in relief when the boy waves at someone in the back, confirming his thought that the boy wasn’t looking at them.

 

However, before he can continue with what he was about to say the stone tunnel opens up to a large room- not even close to a room, it’s a giant stone hall with small sidewalks carved out of the stone walls and the three of them all gape as they take in the beauty of Dauntless, so very different from anything they’ve ever seen. “Wow,” Felix mumbles, eyes wide and mouth agape, in addition, both Seungmin and Jeongin chime in with their own exclamations of awe as they gaze around the hall where numerous people are walking around, dressed in almost exclusively black clothing and many of them covered in tattoos.

 

A man covered in tattoos from head to toe walks past their group and Felix’s gaze follow him with admiring eyes, taking in the intricate designs climbing up from behind his shirt, up his neck and over his bald head. “Did you see that guy?” he kicks Seungmin’s chin to get his attention and Seungmin hisses in pain and glares at Felix, “you didn’t have to kick me, I saw him,” he mumbles and Felix waves his complains off, “they were cool, right? I totally want one,” Seungmin raises his brows, not expecting Felix to want one so quickly, but he’s not entirely surprised either. Felix has always had an interest in the life of Dauntless, the freedom to do whatever you so please.

 

Seungmin doesn’t entirely share Felix’s sentiment, but he doesn’t say anything against him either, only keeps his eyes forward, occasionally wandering around the hall as they keep walking. A group of small children, no older than 10, run past them chasing each other wildly and basically ripping each other’s clothes trying to bring their friend down on the ground. “Ya!” Jeongin turns quickly toward the shout and is surprised to see Jisung with a finger pointed at the kids and with a stern face (but still clearly very much amused), “what did I tell you about running around here? And how many times haven't I gotten complaints from your parents over your ripped clothes?”

 

Putting his hands on his hips for effect Jeongin can’t help but find it a bit amusing (as well as a bit confusing) and to his surprise, and most certainly to the rest of the group as well, the children actually look a bit regretful as they lower their heads, “we’re sorry, teacher,” they chorus together but Jeongin isn't thinking about their impressive coordination, he’s far too busy trying to process that Jisung is a teacher. Granted he’s only spoken to him once, but he had certainly not been expecting the older to be a teacher to such young kids.

 

But, then again, things are vastly different here from Amity, so maybe he should stop assuming so much and just go with the flow (although Jeongin is well aware that it won't be easy for him.)

 

They leave the group of children and Jisung to continue to their destination which, sadly, requires stair climbing that has Jeongin biting his tongue to keep the pained noises at bay. He’s covered in sweat when they’ve climbed as far as they need to and Felix spares him a comforting smile, “just a bit more, I think,” it doesn't do much to comfort anyone but it's the thought that counts and Jeongin appreciates it greatly.

 

Chan leads them down yet another stone tunnel until he reaches seemingly a hole in the wall and enters through it, the rest ur the group quickly following suit. It’s the room where they’ll be staying they soon realize as they take in the bunk beds, spread across the room in no particular pattern, and the toilets lining the wall to their left. “Are we supposed to just use the toilets with everyone here?” a girl from Candor that Jeongin doesn't remember seeing, asks, but Seungmin and Felix clearly know her, or _of_ her because they groan in unison and Felix mutters, “it’s either that or holding it until everyone’s asleep _Karen_.”

 

She doesn't hear him, judging by the way she doesn't even spare him a single glance, but Seungmin hears him and snickers quietly, pretending to cough into his elbow when Chan’s eyes drift over them.  

 

“Yes,” Chan begins, one brow cocked and his arms crossed, “it’s either that or, just like Felix said, wait until everyone’s asleep,” Felix lets out a shocked gasp, both because their leader knows his name but also because he had heard him, “wow,” he mumbles, awestruck by their leader which Jeongin finds quite amusing and Seungmin, as usual, rolls his eyes.

 

“Now, if there are no more questions-” a boy at the front from Erudite raises his hand which Chan completely ignores, “-you have three minutes to strip everything you’re wearing and put on anything out of that pile that fits,” he points to a large pile further inside the room which, from a distance, kind of looks like an old bonfire to Jeongin, the shape similar to that of a pyramid and the black clothing similar to burnt wood.

 

“Three minutes and then regroup outside,” when no one makes a move to move Chan raises both brows and leans forward as if he’s trying to see them better, “well? Chop chop,” he claps his hands together and that finally jolts people out of their shock and they're hurrying over to the pile of clothing.

 

Felix readjusts his grip on Jeongin and starts moving towards the pile as well but the pair (Seungmin having already walked ahead of them) is stopped by Chan who puts a hand on Felix’s chest to stop him from moving any further.

 

“How are the knees?” it takes an embarrassing amount of time for Jeongin to understand that he’s addressing him and when he finally understands and goes to answer all of the words escape him, “uh-um, they’re okay,” he manages to mumble, barely audible even for Felix pressed cheek to cheek with him but somehow Chan seems to understand him and he suddenly kneels in front of the two and pulls Jeongin’s left pant leg up.

 

It hurts more than it did before now that some ps the blood has dried, gluing the pants to the cut. Chan takes one look at the look and then he's rising as quickly as he kneeled, “you’ll need a few stitches but we’ll fix that later, now, you better hurry or you'll have to settle for v-neck tank tops.”

 

Felix doesn't even bother saying anything before he’s dragging Jeongin away from Chan and hurrying, to the best of their capacity, over to the clothing pile which has shrunken a substantial amount since the last time they laid eyes on it.

 

“Is that….a bra?” Seungmin snickers at Felix’s shocked expression and presents the pile of clothing in his hands, “I grabbed for you as well,” Felix puts a hand over his heart and pretends to shed a tear, “an angel.” Once again, Seungmin rolls his eyes in amusement and chucks the clothes at Felix who struggles to catch the flying items, “hurry, there’s not much time left,” and they’re suddenly reminded that they’re on a tight schedule and the clock is not ticking on their side, so Felix reluctantly lets go of Jeongin and practically rips his stiff collared shirt off his body, “ugh, what a relief!” he exclaims as soon as his neck if free from the constricting collar. Jeongin too starts to undress, starting with pulling his hoodie off and quickly covering his exposed chest.

 

Seungmin takes one calculating look at him and asks, “you need to eat more, you’re really skinny,” Felix swivels around with his pants half down his legs, “yah, you can’t just tell people stuff like that, look at him!” he gestures to Jeongin whose chest is beginning to bloom with red and slowly rising up to his face in obvious embarrassment. He’s not dangerously skinny to the point where there’s need for worry but admittedly he’s not the buffest of them all and he could spare to gain a few extra pounds.

 

Jeongin lets his arms fall away from his chest, very much against his will, to start slipping out of his pants and he grimaces when he feels the pants irritate his cut but everyone is almost done already and he needs to hurry, so just like ripping off a band-aid he strips out of his pants and into the new pair which is entirely black except for the stripe of red going down the sides of the pants. And they’re thankfully not as tight as the ones Seungmin has gotten himself into, hugging every inch of his legs- Jeongin can’t fathom how he’s supposed to move in those.

 

He kneels to the floor- worst idea he’s ever had because the cut starts bleeding again- to take off his shoes and put on the new ones. They’re very different from his old ones and Jeongin can’t get used to the feeling of them, they cover his entire foot and almost squeezes it to the point that Jeongin wonders how his feet will be able to breathe, especially if they have to run (and sweat) again.

 

When he’s fully dressed he looks around at the others around him and takes notice of how, despite the smallest of variations, they’re all wearing the same shirt and the same jacket and he realizes that it’s their uniform, their ‘initiates-uniform’, after all, they’re not Dauntless just yet. They have to be trained and tested, but more importantly, they have to prove that they belong.

 

A whistle sounds from outside the room and everyone quickly grabs their own clothes and hurries out the door to regroup outside and Seungmin, the angel he is, grabs Jeongin’s clothes for him and nudges Jeongin out the door. Chan takes one look at them from head to toe, sighs with his entire body, and gestures for them to follow me. “I take it we’re not the ‘great’ initiates he was waiting for,” Seungmin whispers and Felix huffs, “I’ll show him how great I am,” to which Seungmin only rolls his eyes and nudges Jeongin, “don’t become like him, please, arrogance is not flattering,” and the youngest can only nod his head hastily while Felix glares at Seungmin, “it’s not arrogance if it’s true,” he mumbles disappointingly when Seungmin doesn’t even react to his glare.

 

“Don’t listen to that hyung, it’s good to have confidence in yourself,” Felix gives Jeongin a reassuring smile and pats him- with difficulty because of the clothes in his arms- on the shoulder, “listen to this hyung instead, I’m the one with the good advice,” Seungmin scoffs but otherwise stays silent and Jeongin musters up a little courage, “Seungmin hyung gives logical and honest advice,” Jeongin mumbles resulting in Seungmin giving him a blinding smile that Jeongin didn’t think the older was capable of, but Felix, however, is not so amused. “What about my advice?”

 

“Your advice is...comforting,” he can’t think of a better word to describe it but Felix points at Seungmin in triumph, “see! I’m comforting,” he cheers but instead of accepting defeat like Felix had been expecting Seungmin chuckles mockingly and shakes his head, “he basically said I’m _right_ and logical and you’re just comforting, as in you may lie to comfort others.”

 

“That’s not what I-” Jeongin tries to cut in but is interrupted by Felix’s dramatic gasp, “that is not what he said! If you would have listened-”

 

They start to walk faster as they get more heated and Jeongin, without Felix to lean on this time, falls a bit behind, “that’s exactly what he said!” Seungmin exclaims and Felix shakes his head, “his words did not go like that, he said-”

 

“It wasn’t a direct quote, _Felix.”_

 

“Well maybe, don’t put words in his mouth, _Seungmin._ ”

 

Despite being a bit worried that they’re actually going to get into a fight Jeongin finds their banter amusing, however, Chan does not. “Will you two dipshits shut up?” consequently, both Felix and Seungmin immediately fall silent and Chan sighs in relief and drags a hand through his hair, “thank you, you’re doing us all a favor.” They spend the rest of the walk walking in silence with Jeongin trailing behind them and when they reach a staircase leading downwards he realizes that there are no railings to hold onto and so the only thing he can do is jump on one leg, swaying dangerously a few times and almost falling to what he assumes is a certain death- he’s right.

 

“Be careful when you walk around this area, the water that flows here does not lead to a pool, contrary to popular belief, fall in and you’re never coming back,” the words stick with Jeongin and he moves closer to the wall, not willing to test his luck on the edge of the stairs.

 

When they reach the bottom they take a direct left turn and suddenly it’s hard to breathe because of the smoke surrounding them and Jeongin’s first thought, irrational to the extreme but a thought nonetheless, is that Chan has lead them to their deaths, _we’re about to be burnt alive._ But then the smoke clears and they’re presented with large ovens, fire glowing deep inside the mouth of the ovens, “you’re Dauntless now, that means no accessories from your old factions, and most certainly, no clothes.”

 

“This is a bit dramatic, don’t you think,” Felix mumbles and Seungmin hums in agreement, but what can they do but follow their orders. Seungmin spares Jeongin a small glance but the boy only nods encouragingly and Seungmin throws both of their pairs of clothes into the pit and almost immediately the fire engulfs them, “I’m not saying those could have gone to the factionless-” Seungmin begins and, naturally, Felix finishes for him, “-but that’s exactly what you’re saying,” Seungmin hums in agreement.

 

Jeongin wants to agree, and he does, of course, but the thought of the factionless is, in his mind,  immediately auto-redirected to thoughts of his father, and that’s why he stays silent, too caught up in his own mind. They leave the smoke-filled room relatively quickly and Jeongin limps after Seungmin and Felix whom, for a moment, seem to have forgotten about him. But he’s not mad, he’s a lot slower than them and he doesn’t bring much to the conversations either, so he lets them walk ahead of him chatting excitedly, no sign of their little spite from before.

 

“You not gonna join them?” Jeongin jumps, frightened like a deer in headlights, and whips his head around to the source of the questions and is met by Jisung, a questioning look on his face and a raised brow. Jeongin hesitates, “uh, well, I’m kind of slow,” he mumbles and Jisung frowns in confusion, “really? Your intelligence seems to be up to par, if not above the-”

 

“No! I mean, my leg,” he shouts, perhaps a little bit too loud, and quickly covers his mouth, an embarrassed blush already beginning to form. Jisung bends a bit, takes one look at his leg and then hisses when he sees the fabric covering the cut, despite being black it’s very clear that blood has seeped through it and he looks away towards the front of the group where Chan is, “what did Chan hyung say about it?” Jeongin finds it interesting, moreover quite shockingly that he calls him hyung, but he doesn’t point it out, instead, he focuses on the task at hand, what did Chan say about it.

 

“He said that I’ll get stitches later, but I don’t know when ‘later’ is supposed to be,” he mumbles to which Jisung rolls his eyes, “we’ll go fix it now, we’re only heading over for dinner anyways so it’s not like you’ll miss much,” he says while dragging his hand through his hair but before Jeongin even has the time to acknowledge what Jisung just said, Jisung speaks again, “I don’t know why he doesn’t just tell you where you’re heading? It’s not like he doesn’t know.”

 

“Maybe he wants to keep a bit of mystery,” Jisung turns to Jeongin with wide eyes, clearly surprised that he spoke without it being an answer to a direct question, incidentally, Jeongin too is just as surprised, if not even more and he turns his eyes to cast downwards. Only to be quickly brought up again when Jisung laughs, loudly.

 

“That type of language-” Jeongin prepares for an earful, maybe even to be reprimanded, but Jisung surprises him, “-is the exact type of language that I want to hear from you,” Jisung gives him a smile and Jeongin can’t help but return it brightly. Maybe he needs to speak without thinking some more if he wants to survive here and make friends other than Seungmin and Felix.

 

Jisung pats his shoulder comfortingly and says, “I’ll take you to the infirmary myself, hold on,” Jeongin doesn’t know what he’s holding on for but he immediately gets it when Jisung suddenly shouts, “Channie hyung!” Jeongin sees Chan stop at the front and his entire body sink in on himself, in a whole body-sigh, and then turn around with a bored expression, “yes, Jisung-ah,” but despite addressing Jisung, his eyes are boring into Jeongin’s and Jeongin has to look away.

 

“I’m taking the kid to the infirmary before he bleeds out,” he points to Jeongin wildly, making Jeongin want to sink into the floor and never come back, but Jisung grabs a hold of the collar of his jacket and waves to Chan, “I’ll have him back before you even have the time to say ‘thank you’,” Chan spares him an unamused glance and opens his mouth, “fuck y-” Jisung drags Jeongin away before they hear the rest of that and the group starts walking again. He sees Felix trying to wave at him through the crowd of people and Jeongin waves, albeit a lot more discreetly, back at him.

 

“Come on now kid,” Jisung says and starts walking in the opposite direction to where they were heading but instead of heading up the stairs like Jeongin was dreading, they head on in under the stairs where an elevator is. “It’s only used when we bring in heavy stuff or injured people, but since you’re mildly injured, I figure it won’t upset anyone too much if we use it just this once,” he says it about sneakily, letting Jeongin in on the fact that they’re really _not_ supposed to use it.

 

Jisung presses the third button and as soon as the door closes Jeongin realizes that the lights don’t work and they’re left in absolute darkness, “I hope you’re not afraid of the dark,” Jisung jokes but Jeongin supposes he might also be a little worried about him freaking out on him. He spares him off his worry by saying, “I’m not,” he tells him and Jisung lets out a ‘whew’ sound before falling silent for the next seconds as they ride up the elevator.

 

When the doors open Jeongin is almost blinded by the lights and it takes a few seconds for his eyes to get used to it again. Jisung leads him down a corridor, once again, in stone; Jeongin realized quickly on that the entire Dauntless compound is basically underground and therefore, carved out of the literal ground. A pair of door come into sight, white and icy, making it impossible to see through them and he supposes it’s for the privacy of the patients, surprisingly, since their ‘dorm’s’ toilets are against the wall for everyone to see.

 

Jisung pushes the doors open and holds them for Jeongin as he follows him inside, it’s relatively empty Jeongin notices. With only one bed, out of the twenty-something in the room, occupied and only one person walking around like he works there- although he doesn’t look like it.

 

“Minho hyung,” Jisung exclaims and almost immediately Minho shushes him, “what do you want?” and if it wasn’t for Jisung’s smile Jeongin would assume that he’s actually mad at him, “I need stitches,” the expression on Minho changes almost immediately and he’s quickly by Jisung’s side taking in every aspect of him and looking him up and down, “where are you hurt?” he’s firm and steady but there’s a hint of urgency in his voice.

 

“What stupid shit did you do this time?” he questions further and Jisung rolls his eyes and pushes Minho away, “not _me,_ Jeongin here is the one who needs stitches,” he gestures to Jeongin who waves awkwardly and Minho frowns at Jisung suspiciously, “what did you do to him?” to which Jisung gapes and throws his arms up in the air, “I didn’t do anything, why do you always assume I’m at fault?”

 

“Because you usually are,” Jeongin snickers into his hand and tries to hide it with a cough which Minho doesn’t fall for and he gives Jeongin an amused look, “well, let’s go sit down and see what we have,” Jeongin limps over to the nearest bed but Minho shakes his head, “it’s better if you sit on one of the tables, makes my job easier y’know?” it’s only then that Jeongin thinks that he can’t recall ever meeting a doctor so chill and...different. Back in Amity, it was a cozy room in wood, with a bed, a small examination table, a doctor in a white robe with a stethoscope around their neck and slow handshakes with awkward stares and long smiles. But this room is in stone, just like everything else is, with white beds, metal examination tables and a pair of bloody gloves thrown in a trashcan- not very comforting. Furthermore, Minho is dressed in a black pair of jeans, a black t-shirt and he has a piercing in his left eyebrow; there’s a stethoscope around his neck, but that’s about all that’s similar to the doctors of Amity. It’s very different, but Jeongin finds that he doesn’t mind all that much.

 

“Hop up,” Minho says and Jeongin stiffly climbs up onto the examination table and to make Minho’s job easier, rolls his pant leg up to reveal the cut. Minho takes a seat on a small, round metal stool that has small wheels on every leg and after taking one look at the cut he rolls away to some locker and grabs a small bag from it. “You were right, he definitely needs stitches,” Minho says to Jisung as he rolls past him back to where Jeongin’s sitting, “you’re lucky it’s not all too deep,” he adds as he starts to unpack the small bag of equipment. “What did you do?” he questions while taking out the items in his bag, “I wasn’t very good at landing after we jumped from the moving train,” Jeongin admits and Minho snorts and shakes his head, “I’ve seen worse.”

 

He frowns when he reaches the last item of the bag and rolls away once again to look though the locker, “god dammit,” he whispers and Jisung walks over to him, “what now? Forgot how to stitch?” he mocks and Minho punches him, hitting him directly in the stomach because of the height he’s sitting at. “No I didn’t,” he hisses and Jisung laughs through his own pain, “but, it seems that Woojin has stolen all of my local anesthesia for his stupid tattoos and the rest of it all is in the storage, but that’s so far away,” groaning he lets his head fall back tiredly before swivelling around to Jeongin, “can you wait for a while?” Minho questions with a thumb pointing towards the door as if he’s saying ‘I’m leaving’. And Jeongin _can_ wait, yes, but it’s not necessary, so he tells him that, “you can just...do it without the anesthesia,” and while Jisung’s eyes widen in surprise, Minho’s eyes narrow in suspicion and he says, “Dauntless encourages bravery, not stupidity.”

 

“Is it stupid if I can actually handle it?” the words hold a lot of sass but the tone is that of a child afraid to go to the bathroom in the middle of class, his hands twist in his lap when all Minho does is stare at him, but after a few seconds he nods mutely and roll up to Jeongin, “let’s get started then.”

 

Pulling on his gloves he cracks his fingers and gets his things ready. He cleans the wound thoroughly and picks out the small bits of gravel left in the cut before getting his needle and thread ready, “last chance to back out,” Jeongin only looks away from his cut in silent permission and Minho makes the first stitch. It hurts, yes, he’s not going to deny it,  but it’s not the worst pain he’s ever felt. Moreover, since it already hurts and has been hurting for while, he’s almost a bit numb to the pain from the stitches.

 

Minho finishes up relatively quickly with only five stitches and sticks a giant bandage on top of it all as the finishing touch and when he’s done he pats Jeongin on the thigh and rolls away to a trashcan to throw away his gloves as well as put away all the equipment he used.

 

“You did well, I’m surprised,” Minho points out and Jeongin smiles sheepishly, not prepared for the compliment but thankful nonetheless. “Yeah that was...badass,” Jisung chimes in and Jeongin shakes his head and laughs a bit stiltedly, not sure what to say. _It was nothing-_ no that’s not right, it was something, even he knows that, so he stays quiet.

 

“Let’s get you out of here and get some dinner, I’m starving,” Jisung claps his hands and smiles  eagerly, Jeongin’s face brightens at the mention of food and he hops down from the table, careful not to agitate his leg, and bows to Minho, “thank you,” he mumbles but Minho only waves off his thanks and pats him on the shoulder, “hurry off and get some food now, some energy will make you heal faster and make you...less scrawny.”

 

They leave the room and Jeongin finds that despite just having a needle thread through his skin it doesn’t hurt as much as it did before and, automatically, it makes it easier to walk. “Let’s head to the dining hall, I’m sure your friends are still there, we weren’t gone for that long.”

This time they take the stairs down like good citizens and head toward the dining hall but even ten meters away the sound is deafening with people talking loudly and cheering and as soon as they reach the entrance Jeongin is surprised over how large it is with tables in lines throughout the entire room and food filling the tables, and stairs going up on either side of the room leading up to a balcony that seems to be off limits for them because at each stair there’s an armed guard seemingly not receptive to any of the joyus laughs echoing throughout the dining hall. Jeongin spots Felix and Seungmin at a table in the middle of the hall and goes to take a step but is pulled back in just in time for him to walk straight into a buff guy carrying a tray, “be careful,” Jisung says steadily and discreetly pulls him by the arm with him in to the mass of people.

 

When they reach the table where the only two people Jeongin knows- unless you count Changbin- are seated Felix stands up and pulls Jeongin into a large hug that has Jeongin unable to breathe for a few seconds, “I’m sorry to say, I ate all the chicken, but there’s still beef left so you won’t go hungry,” he puts his hands together in a praying motion as to say ‘I’m sorry’ but Jeongin only takes his seat and says, “it’s okay, I’ve never had chicken anyways,” that was most certainly not what Felix was expecting because his mouth falls open and he looks almost frightened by what he’s just heard.

 

Even Jisung, who’s sat across the table in between Changbin and Chan, chimes in, “you’ve never had chicken? Seriously?” Jeongin nods sheepishly and rubs his neck nervously, “we don’t eat meat in Amity,” he mumbles and Felix turns to Seungmin, “how did I not know that? Did you know that? I didn’t know that.”

 

Seungmin punches Felix’s shoulder to get him to stop rambling before leaning over his moping friend to talk to Jeongin, “but do you eat eggs? Or any dairy products?” Jeongin nods quickly, “we take care of the farms and the farm animals, so we drink their milk and eat their eggs but we don’t slaughter them, Dauntless does that,” he explains with a side glance to the three older boys in front of them to see if he’s upset them but only Jisung seems to be interested in what he’s saying.

 

Just then someone comes and taps Jisung on the shoulder, “your students are raiding the hallways,” Changbin snorts into his food, seemingly not even noticing when Jisung nudges him in the side, “I’ll take care of it,” he says and takes one sad look at his food before grabbing the largest bite Jeongin’s ever seen and shoving it into his mouth, “I’ll see you later, take care of that leg, and _don’t_ tell anyone,” he stresses the last part through all the food in his mouth, which makes it a bit harder to understand but jeongin somehow manages to understand, however, what he doesn’t understand is what he’s not supposed to tell, so he just nods and watches Jisung leave.

 

“What was that about?” Seungmin questions curiously and Felix hums through whatever oily thing he’s eating, “I honestly have no idea,” he admits honestly and just then Chan chimes in, “as long as you didn’t ride the elevator-”

 

“Oh, right that’s what we d-” and then he suddenly remembers that part about them not being allowed to use the elevator and quickly corrects himself, “I mean- that’s what we didn’t d-” Chan chuckles and holds his hand up to stop Jeongin’s rambling, “I’m messing with you,” he takes a bite from his plate and Jeongin, who hadn’t been so focused on the leader before, realizes then that his plate is entirely vegetarian as well, _interesting._

 

“Ha ha ha, you’re so funny hyung,” Changbin remarks lifelessly with his eyes downcast on his plate but there’s hint of a smile beginning to pull at the corners of his lips, but jeongin’s eyes worryingly turn to Chan to see what he’ll do but he only rolls his eyes and picks up his plate, “I’m leaving, you’re on your own,”  he exclaims dramatically with a huff and, if Changbin’s ‘ow’ is anything to go by, he kicks him under the table.

 

“Please leave, you’re doing God's work,” Changbin drawls after Chan’s retreating figure and Felix laughs obnoxiously loud with his teeth in a piece of meat that has Jeongin recoiling, it’ll certainly take some time to get used to that.

 

“Changbin-ssi, if you don’t mind me asking-” Felix begins but Changbin immediately cuts in boringly, “I do mind,” but that comment seems to fly straight above Felix’s head as he continues on, “how old are you?” he questions with his chin resting in his oily hands to which Changbin’s brows rise, probably not expecting such a simple question at his age, “nineteen,” Felix turns to seungmin with a bright smile and whispers, “he’s not that old,” and Jeongin’s very obviously missing out on some joke the two of them have because Seungmin rolls his eyes and throws him a disgusted look, “stop.”

 

But the word ‘nineteen’ sticks with Jeongin for one reason and one reason only, he’s the same age as his brother. That must mean that Changbin knows him and can probably tell him where to find him, so he musters up a bit of courage and clears his throat, “do you know a guy your age called Hyunjin?” Changbin throws him a glance and frowns when he sees who asked the question.

 

“Are you kidding me?” Jeongin startles and mumbles a quiet, “no…?” to which Changbin raises his glass to his lips and asks, “what makes you think you can talk to me?” Jeongin’s blood freezes and he tries to reply but only ends up a stuttering mess.

 

But, thankfully, before he can embarrass himself even further and apologize profusely someone slaps the back of Changbin’s head and sits down next to him, “it must be because you’re so approachable Binnie,” Minho says and grabs a hold of Changbin’s neck and ruffles his hair, “stop scaring the kids,” he adds and Changbin flails in his arms, “alright, alright! Hyung, I get it,” as soon as Minho lets him go Changbin hisses at him like a cat who was just forced into water but Minho stays unbothered.

 

“Who were you asking about Jeongin-ah?” he asks and jeongin’s surprise to hear his name come out of the older as it was only mentioned in passing by Jisung but he’s glad that he’s not entirely forgettable, “you know him?” Changbin stares incredulously at them and Minho reaches over the table to scratch under Jeongin’s chin, “I stitched this kid’s leg up like fifteen minutes ago,” Jeongin blushes and swats Minho’s hand away but he doesn’t seem too offended.

 

“So yes, I know him, now let Jeongin- ah answer the question,” Changbin rolls his eyes and sighs deeply, “he was asking about some Hyunjin, I don’t know a Hyunjin though, only that one cook we had that died,” jeongin’s eyes widen and he quickly inquiries, “how old was the cook?”

 

“Like, fifty-something, why?” Jeongin sighs in relief and shakes his head, _that’s not my brother_ , is all he can think and he sighs discreetly in relief, “I take it that’s not the Hyunjin you’re looking for,” Minho supplies and Jeongin shakes his head. _No it’s not, but how come Changbin doesn’t know his brother if they’re the same age?_ Jeongin can’t wrap his head around that.

 

Just then a loud drum sound echoes in the hall and everyone immediately falls silent, “What the-” Felix mumbles with a his mouth full but is cut off by a man up on the balcony speaking, “My name is Yang Hyun Suk, and I’m the spokesperson for Dauntless, you who are born here or have lived her for a while know me, but I'm directing this at you, our initiates!” loud cheers come from all across the hall that has even Felix blushing a little. “Now, i want you to know that, while Dauntless focuses on bravery, our strongest point is our comradery-” _yeah sure,_ “and now that you’re in training, it’s important to help your fellow comrades without forgetting yourself, do your best, and I know you’ll fit right in, do your worst and...well, you can figure out that one yourselves.”

 

He pauses and takes a look around the hall, “welcome to Dauntless,” even louder cheers erupt and suddenly the entire hall seems to be moving and from Jeongin’s side Felix disappears only to be lifted into the air by a bunch of Dauntless people and hoisted into the air.

 

Seungmin disappears too and before jeongin has the time to think of ways to avoid being hoisted into the air like his friends he’s being grabbed by the arms and legs and suddenly he’s in the air. He hears Felix's loud laugh from his right and looks over to see one of the Dauntless carrying him tickling him as well and Jeongin lets out a laugh at the way Felix is squirming in their arms.

 

Maybe he was wrong, maybe comradery is a strong point in Dauntless, maybe he just hasn’t been truly exposed to it enough to pass his judgment just yet. He’s unsure, but for now, he’s going to enjoy himself.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed! Drop a comment if you did or if you have any suggestions :)  
> Have a nice day/night/morning/evening <3


	5. The First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the first day of training and Jeongin's doing....okay.  
> he also has no idea what a microwave is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being gone so long, I've had major writer's block but I'm trying to get back into writing again. This chapter is a bit shorter than the previous ones but I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Has not been proofread so expect mistakes, I'll go in and edit later :)

 

 

“Rise and shine losers we don’t have all day!” Changbin shouts into the room through some sort of megaphone and bangs an empty trashcan against the stone walls, creating a deafening sound bound to wake even the heaviest of sleepers up. Felix sits up, shocked awake by the noise, hair standing in all directions and his shirt twisted so much that the front is in the back as well as saliva dripping down the corners of his mouth.

 

Seungmin wakes up less of a mess, only because he woke up as soon as Changbin opened the door and managed to avoid waking up to the sound of shouting and the banging of trash cans, thankfully- and also because he’s not as messy of a sleeper (nor eater) as Felix. Jeongin, however, woke up half an hour earlier than the others, not because of a sound or something that shook him, but because in Amity he always woke up early to help his grandmother out in the fields before going to school- most people did.

 

“Get your asses moving, I want you dressed and ready and your beds clean and made in five minutes,” Jeongin swings his legs over the edge of the bed, careful with his leg, and pulls off his shorts only to swiftly pull on the black pants he received the day before which he kept at the foot of his bed just to make it easier for himself. “What time is it?” Felix mumbles while trying to get out of his t-shirt and Jeongin pulls his own off and shrugs, “probably around four thirty,” Felix groans loudly and throws his shirt at Seungmin who shoots him an annoyed look “I don’t think I’ve ever been up this early, only when I haven’t slept at all.”

 

“How do you know what time it is?” Seungmin questions while pulling on his own pants and Jeongin, while hiding his pajamas under his pillow, answers, “I usually wake up around this time by myself to head to the fields, or, I used to, back in Amity,” it’s only been a day so far so he’s not even near used to being in Dauntless and not Amity

 

Seungmin spares him a look that could pass for him being impressed but Jeongin really can’t tell with him, but then again, he hasn't known for him that long and Felix doesn’t seem to have a problem with reading him- so maybe it’s just a matter of time.

 

While Seungmin helps Felix pull his shirt off and throws it somewhere unceremoniously on the floor- most probably out of spite-and proceeds to change out of his own clothes, Jeongin, already dressed and ready, struggles with making his bed the way he sees Nancy on the other side of the room make hers. “Hyung,” he whispers and Felix’s head whips up excitingly with a smile like he’s heard the best news of his life, “how should I-?” he gestures to the bed helplessly if not a bit urgently, aware that the clock is ticking down. Felix looks incredibly proud and heads over to Jeongin’s bed to show him, “watch the master, and learn,” dramatically cracking his fingers he gets to work and takes a hold of one of the corners of the cover, “you fold it like this, so it makes a ninety degree angle, and then you just flip it under the mattress,” he finishes off the corner and rubs his hands together. “I can do the rest if you w-” Jeongin cuts him off hurriedly and half-heartedly pushes Felix away from his bed, “no, hyung, you have to make your own bed as well, I’ll figure it out...I think,” he adds a bit hesitantly but Felix nods nonetheless and returns to the bunkbeds he and Seungmin share. It’s not the easiest task he’s ever done but it’s far from the hardest and so he makes it work surprisingly quite well.

 

There’s only one minute left when they all finish and Jeongin takes a look at his bed and bites his lip nervously, it’s nothing compared to Felix’s or Seungmin’s but at least it’s not as messy as it would have been, had he not asked for help. But can he really be blamed? He’s slept in beds before- that time he got sick and had to stay over at the hospital- but he’s never had to make one, solely because his ‘bed’ back in Amity, throughout his entire life, was a hammock, which never required any making. 

 

“Time’s up!” Changbin reappears from the outside, but without his megaphone, his face set stone cold as his gaze grazes over them and their beds, “well, one thing’s for sure,” he claps his hands together for dramatic effect and sighs deeply, “you all fucking suck,” Felix snorts quietly and Changbin’s eyes immediateöy move to him.

 

“Something funny to you?” he questions harshly but not harshly enough to scare Felix away, “no, I’m just agreeing with you  _ sir _ ,” making sure to put emphasis on the ‘sir’ to jokingly mock Changbin, “we do fucking suck,” he shoots him a sly smile but Changbin’s face remains unmoving, “careful candor,” he hisses and for once Felix does lose a bit of the glee in his eyes and instead of responding with some sarcastic comment he lets it go.

 

“It’s time to officially start your training, which is why I’ve dragged you up at the asscrack of dawn,” Changbin continues and lets his eyes sweep over the pathetic bunch of kids in front of him once again, “so unless any of you have any complains, let’s get moving,” Changbin turns around towards the opening but only has the time to take one step before one of the Dauntless-born speak up, “yeah I have a complaint,” he drawls and Changbin turns around with one brow cocked and crosses his arms, “oh? Do tell,” it’s obvious to everyone in the room that he doesn’t give two shits about their complaints and that he won’t hesitate to kick them out of the faction (if he even has the power to do so), it’s clear to everyone- except for that kid.

  
  


“Why do we have to wake up at, as you so eloquently said, the asscrack of dawn when we could sleep until at least ten and then begin training? Seems a bit extreme doesn’t it?” it’s probably the first time Jeongin’s ever seen Changbin smile, and it’s terrifying, the smile doesn’t reach his eyes and the amount of teeth he shows just looks unnatural and like something out of a horror story, “real cute boy you’ve got,  _ Felix,”  _ Seungmin hisses and Felix elbows him quickly to shut him up.

 

“Well, you see, if a war were to break out in the middle of your precious beauty sleep in the middle of the night, you need to be able to get up, get dressed, and load your gun without shooting yourself in the foot. Would you have to make your bed then? Probably not, but forcing you to do it now creates discipline,” he pauses and lets the smile drop, his face completely clear of any amusement, “you haven’t received your guns yet ‘cause we don’t trust you yet, but I have, so if I hear another stupid question come out of your disgusting mouth I can promise you I  _ will _ shoot you in the foot, and it won’t be by accident,” the boy doesn’t seem happy with his answer but thankfully he shuts his mouth and looks at the ground in submission. “Now, any more stupid questions or can we get back to our schedule?” no one speaks up, no one dares to, and that seems to please Changbin because he smirks (and honestly, Jeongin thinks he prefers his smug and sly smile) and lets his arms fall to his sides, “great, let’s move.”

 

“He’s a real charmer,” Seungmin mumbles when they’re far enough behind so that Changbin can’t hear them, “oh shut up,” Felix scolds while pushing Seungmin playfully, Jeongin traces right behind them quietly, slightly slower than the two older boys because of his knee but not slow enough to fall behind the group.

 

They continue down numerous flights of stairs before reaching large doors that look like the ones the infirmary had and Changbin pushes them open with his shoulder but instead of holding them up for the rest of them, he lets it go and it hits the kid with the stupid questions’ right in the face and he groans and curses quietly, “Changbin-ssi really doesn’t seem to like that boy,” Jeongin mumbles and Seungmin nods in agreement, “I wonder what he did to piss him off.”

 

The doors lead to a large hall that has a high ceiling and looks like a rundown gym, and in the middle of the large room, Chan stands with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. “You’re late,” Changbin rolls his eyes and point towards the boy now nursing his nose, “thanks to that dumbass and his dumbass questions.

 

Chan snorts and lets his eyes sweep over the group of kids in front of him while Changbin comes to stand next to him, “they’re gonna need some work, right now they’re useless,” Changbin mumbles with a smirk and Chan raises a brow at him, “sounds familiar,” he says before giving Changbin a coy smile, patting his shoulder, and clapping his hands loudly.

 

“Alright, listen up,” immediately everyone’s eyes fastens onto Chan and it’s clear that he has their undivided attention, “today’s your first official day of training and you have a long day ahead of you, but since this is the first day for all of you, it won’t be as hard as the weeks ahead” he begins to pace in front of them, toying with the knife strapped to his belt, “with that said-” he pauses and once again lets his eyes sweep over the crowd.

 

“That does not mean today will be a walk in the park, you will do exactly as we tell you and you  _ will  _ do it well, it won’t be easy,” one of the Dauntless-born girls standing behind Jeongin scoffs discreetly but not discreetly enough for Chan to not catch her and Jeongin can see a surreal calm wash over Chan, he almost looks at peace for a second while he stares down the girl behind Jeongin. “What’s your name?” Chan asks and Jeongin can hear the smile in his voice when she answers, “you know my name,” Felix grabs Jeongin’s arm and leans in to whisper in a sing-song voice “drama~”

“You’re right, I do know your name, but our transfers might not so why don’t you share it with the class,” Chan still looks as calm and collected as ever and Jeongin can see out of the corner of his eye how some of the kids keep shifting where they’re standing, most certainly uncomfortable with their leader’s tranquility.

 

“My name’s Jess,” she bites out through her teeth, Chan ignores her tone and instead puts on a jolly smile that completely eradicates his cool image, “well then,  _ Jessica,  _ why don’t you take a few laps around the hall, just to...warm up,” his voice turns scarily light and happy on his last words and it becomes clear to everyone in the room that she’s not gonna run three laps, she’s gonna run until she collapses.

 

This time her confidence seems to waver as she too catches on, “how many?” she questions, a lot more tentatively than before, Chan puts a finger to his chin and pretend to think before he drops his arm and his smile with it, his shoulders square out and he stares at her like a hunter watching its prey, “fifty,” he says without a hint of a smile and Jeongin almost, _ almost _ feels sorry for Jessica because one lap has got to be around 800 meters; she’s going to be running for a while.

 

Chan crosses his arms over his chest once more and Jeongin feels himself wondering,  _ what now? _ Jessica seems to be wondering the same thing because she stays in her spot and looks around at the other Dauntless-born, but she doesn’t have to wait for long because Changbin steps in. 

 

“What are you waiting for?” he questions and mimics Chan’s position, “chop chop,” with a heavy sigh she makes her way out of their group and starts running alongside the walls of the giant hall.

 

Chan stares after her for a seconds before turning back to the group, “now, let’s get started.”

  
  
  


_____

  
  
  


Jeongin’s dripping with sweat and his hands hurt from all the punching he’s been doing, he’d been okay in the beginning, just practicing throwing a knife at a board (and failing miserably) but that quickly turned into more grievous training.  

  
  


“If you keep your thumb like that you’ll break it on the first punch,” Chan seemingly materializes behind him and Jeongin swivels around hastily, sweat dripping from his templed and accumulating on the top of his lip, “huh?” wiping his wet bangs out of his forehead he looks to Chan who’s studying his form. “If you keep your thumb inside your fist you’ll break it,” he grabs a hold of Jeongin’s right hand and removes his thumb from where it’s snuggled tightly inside his fist and places it on top of the other four curled fingers, “like this, and keep your wrist steady,” he straightens Jeongin’s hand and wrist out.

 

“You have to be steady, but relaxed,” Jeongin feels Chan’s arms grab a hold of his waist and twist him to the right position, “left leg forward, right leg in the back, dominant hand in the back, and non-dominant in the front,” the position immediately feels a lot more steady to Jeongin but also a lot more foreign. Chan crosses his arms and takes a step back to look Jeongin up and down which has Jeongin cowering under his gaze, “you’re not as big as the others, but you’re not the tiniest either,” he wonders aloud and Jeongin doesn’t think it’s meant for him to hear.

 

“Your small form makes it easier for you to be fast rather than powerful,” he mumbles and looks over at one of the Dauntless-born on the other side of the training hall punching a dummy relentlessly, Jeongin follows his gaze and shudders when the guy punches the dummy hard enough for the sand-filled stomach to break and spill out onto the floor.

 

“See, that guy is all brute and force, but he’s not as stealthy as you...can be,” Jeongin nods understandingly and tightens his fists- the correct way- and musters up his courage, “so, how do I become stealthy?” Chan raises his brows in surprise and nods in satisfaction at the boy’s surprising attitude, he hadn’t expected Jeongin to initiate anything, but he’s not complaining.

 

“Alright,” he shrugs off his jacket, tosses it on the ground and rolls his shoulders, “let’s get to work,” he raises his fists close to his face and immediately Jeongin’s own hands fall in shock, “wait, I’m fighting you?” he questions worriedly and Chan cocks a brow and smiles sneakily, “how else will you learn?”

 

“Hands up, let’s do this,” Jeongin takes his own position, legs a little wobbly and his mind too focused on where his thumbs are placed, “try punching me,” Chan’s voice breaks through Jeongin’s thoughts and Jeongin quickly turns his attention from his thumbs to Chan’s face. “Okay…” he mumbles hesitantly and takes a step forward, swinging his arm back before quite literally throwing a punch, which Chan side steps faster than lightning. He grabs a hold of Jeongin’s arms and puts them behind his back and bends him forward, Jeongin cries out from the sudden movement and from the pain and Chan lets him go quickly.

 

Jeongin rubs at his sore arms and sends a glare Chan’s way, Chan studies him once more before he returns to his stance, “don’t swing your arm back so much, it takes too long and I’ll have you down on the floor before you can even attempt to throw the punch,” he gives Jeongin a look to see if he’s gotten it and when  jeongin gives him a small, timid nod Chan’s lips twitch at the corners of his mouth. “Keep your arms tight to your body, and when you go to punch make sure your eyes stay on the target, don’t look at your feet, don’t look at the people around you, and don’t look at your hand to check if the grip is right, feel it,” Jeongin adjusts his stance a bit clumsily and raises his eyes to look at Chan, when their eyes meet Jeongin has to look away, not used to the intense stare of the older boy. But he keeps his eyes on Chan’s face, which Chan considers good enough. “Punch me,” is all Chan says and before Jeongin knows it himself he’s throwing a punch with much better aim than last time- of course it doesn’t hit chan, not by a long shot. Chan steps aside to his left and Jeongin almost goes flying, surprised by his own strength, but luckily  Chan grabs a hold of him so that he doesn’t kiss the floor.

 

Jeongin quickly straightens up and Chan lets go of his arm, “that’s...better,” he states with a grimace and Jeongin make one of his own which Chan takes notice of, “have you ever punched someone before?” he asks with a raise of his slit brow and Jeongin shakes his head quickly, “thought so,” he states matter of factly and Jeongin lowers his head, embarrassed that his leader has seen him punch so pathetically.

 

“I hadn’t punched anyone either when I first got here you know,” that makes Jeongin look up again with wide eyes,  _ when you got here? But…  _ “I wasn’t born Dauntless,” Chan clarifies and that makes Jeongin’s mouth fall open a bit, he’d never expected that since Chan seems as Dauntless as can be. “Whe-” his voice gets stuck in his throat and he clears his throat hastily, eager to ask his question, “where did you grow up?” he inquiries timidly but Chan shakes his head, “another time, kid. Keep practicing, you’re doing well,” and then he walks off, leaving Jeongin with so many unanswered questions and a thirst for knowledge. 

 

_ Maybe I’ll find out one day, he did say “another time”. _

 

____________

  
  


“Is that all you’re gonna eat?” Seungmin questions with a hard look, eyes cast down onto Jeongin’s plate which carries a piece of bread and some steamed carrots, “you won’t last an hour on that,” he adds and Jeongin frowns at his plate, it’s true, it’s not much, but the dinner consists of a stew with some sort of meat ( he hard rumors it’s rabbit) and maybe two vegetables; he’s not ready to go  _ full  _ Dauntless just yet.

 

“It’s alright, I’ll manage,” he says with a smile and Seungmin frowns disappointedly but nevertheless turns back to his own food with a huff, “you’re already tiny, do you want to look like a child and be as weak as one forever?” Jeongin looks down at his plate and lets his shoulders fall in defeat, not he doesn’t want to look and be weak forever, but he doesn’t want to eat the food they serve either. Felix notices Jeongin’s dejected look and nudges Seungmin in the ribs, “that was too harsh Minnie,” he mumbles quite aggressively so that only Seungmin can hear him, but also so that Seungmin can hear in his voice that he’s serious about it.

 

Just as Jeongin’s about to take a bite out of his bread a hand lands heavily on his shoulder and he jumps in shock and squeezes his eyes shut, “it’s just me, Amity,” he recognizes the voice as Changbin’s and immediately his shoulders sag just the tiniest bit, thankful that it’s not his father. He doesn’t know how it ever could be, his father is factionless and lives somewhere out on the streets, but the memory of him is still so vivid, so fresh that Jeongin can’t help but fear him despite the distance between them. Jeongin turns in his seat as best as he can and looks up at Changbin, “Chan says there’s food for you in the kitchen,” it’s quite obvious that Changbin would rather be anywhere else than be Chan’s very own owl but Jeongin doesn’t mind, he’s quite used to it, how awful it may sound. 

 

Felix’s face break out into a big smile and he reaches above Seungmin’s head to tug at Changbin’s sleeve, “will you sit with us?” he asks, eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas and maybe Felix notices, maybe he doesn’t, but it’s clear to seungmin -even to Jeongin- that Changbin’s hard stare softens even the teeny tiniest bit at the sight of Felix’s smile. 

 

“No,” Felix's smile falters a bit but, for the most part, he remains unchanged, “why not?” he questions further and Changbin rolls his eyes and rips his arm out of Felix’s grip, “because I’m sitting at another table, genius, and I only came over because Chan said-”

 

“Chan hyung,” Chan himself corrects from behind Changbin before putting a hand on Changbin’s shoulder and pulling him back slightly, “what the hell’s taking you so long?” Changbin points an accusatory finger at Felix, “that kid’s obsessed with me man, I swear,” he mumbles more so to himself than anything else before taking his leave with not so much as a look at the three seated at the table.

 

Chan raises a brow- Jeongin noticed that he does that often- at Felix to which Felix only averts his gaze back to his plate and starts eating like a starved man, “come on kid, let’s go get you some food, you can’t live off of stale bread and carrots,” Jeongin swears he hears Seungmin mumble ‘that’s what I told him’ but he has no time to ask because the next second he’s being pulled up by the arm and dragged away towards the kitchen.

 

“It’s not much, but it’s something,” Chan says and Jeongin doesn’t know what to expect but as soon as the doors to the kitchen open he wants to shout ‘not much?!’, wherever he looks there’s food, well, maybe not for him. There’s a whole pig hanging from the ceiling and numerous people cooking alongside the walls of the kitchen, one pan is on fire ( _ I think it’s supposed to be that way)  _ and one person is throwing is throwing the contents of his pan up into the hair and catching them again. Jeongin’s barely ever seen cooking be done because the meals in Amity were always community meals, meaning that his family didn’t cook for their own family and neither his mom nor dad knew anything about cooking- it was all done by the chefs and none of his relatives were ever chefs.

  
  
  


“Wow,” he breathes out, amazed by the entire process and a bit disgusted by the dead animals everywhere, “this is-” he doesn't know what it is, shocking? Disgusting? Interesting? All of the above? “Yeah, it’s something,” Chan fills in for him and he nods in agreement with him. 

 

“None of the official chefs cook any vegetarian food- that’s food without any meat- so -” Jeongin cuts in, “I know what it is, I read about it in school,” he states before quickly throwing a hand over his mouth in shock at what he’d just done, he cut off his leader while he was speaking. “I-i’m sorry I didn’t-” Chan chuckles roughly and spares him a slightly amused look, “it’s fine, just don’t do it in front of anyone else, I can’t seem like a leader who can’t control his subordinates now, can I?” jeongin nods hastily, assuring him that he’ll never do it again...in front of anyone else.

 

“Anyways, as I was saying, no one here cooks vegetarian food, so the few that come from Abnegation and Amity either start eating meat or cook for themselves, Woojin hyung cooked this,” he says as if Jeongin’s supposed to have any idea who Woojin is. “Just come in here and head over to that freezer over there, there’s a microwave right next to it so just heat it up,” Chan spares him a glance to see if he’s gotten everything and when Jeongin nods he takes a step back, “oh and if anyone asks why you’re here just say you’re looking for Woojin’s food, got it?”

 

“Yeah,” Jeongin responds quietly and then Chan’s out the door without a single look back. Jeongin’s relieved that he now knows he’ll have something to eat other than carrots and stale bread, but,  _what the hell is a microwave?_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> If you have any suggestions or things you want to see happen: maybe a character you want more of (out of the ones I've introduced already- if they haven't been introduced they will be soooooooon ) then feel free to leave a comment telling me.  
> Have a nice day <3


	6. Hwang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of shit happens. The three boys go through their first fear simulation and it has unexpected results. Changbin is a dick and Hwang is having none of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has not been proofread so please excuse my mistakes!  
> I really didn't mean for it to be so long, it was supposed to be shorter and more was supposed to happen but...I lost track lol.
> 
> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoy! <3

 

 

 

Seungmin, with utmost care, carefully climbs down the ladder from the bunk bed so that he doesn’t wake Felix up- Felix has the tendency to wake easily- and carefully pulls on a sweater on top of his pajamas. He ditches the tight black pants they’re supposed to wear and settles for a pair of sweat shorts, he steps into his shoes and grabs one of the flashlights they use for going to the bathroom; they’ll just have to feel their way to the toilet.

 

He spares the lump under the covers a quick once-over to see if he’s woken his friend but when Felix makes no move other than the constant up and down of his chest Seungmin sighs in relief and slowly pads out of the room, closing the heavy door behind him and exiting the literal hole in the wall. The stone hallway is cold as ice and Seungmin immediately feels himself begin to shiver, his breath is visible in front of him and he hurriedly throws his arms around himself and begins walking down the long corridor to the stairway leading downwards underground to the training grounds.

 

He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the staircase because of its lack of railing and steep steps, and because if he were to slip there’s no guarantee that’ll he’ll live, he could fall into the water below and be gone in seconds. Seungmin shudders from more than just the cold this time.

 

He stays as close to the wall as he can and takes careful steps down, breathing a sigh of relief as soon as he hits solid ground, _would it really kill them to add a railing?_ He thinks and drags a hand through his hair before letting out a frustrated puff of air and heading in the direction of the second staircase which is thankfully not anywhere near the water- equally as steep, however, still not as big of a death hazard as the first.

 

He continues down the numerous flights of stairs until he reaches the familiar doors to the training room, he’s only been in Dauntless for three days but when he opens the doors to the training hall he can’t help but feel like he’s been there for months already. His entire body is sore and aching and the blisters on his feet red and irritated, but this is what he signed up for, and Seungmin is everything but a quitter. In fact, he’s always been a bit of an overachiever; it wasn’t a choice he made, to begin with, but it’s become such a big part of him now that he doesn’t know how to quit overworking himself.

 

He heads over to the sand-filled dolls to practice his kicks and punches which he is in dire need of, contrary to Felix, Seungmin has never had to defend himself by bodily force- well, that’s not entirely true, but in Seungmin’s mind it is- and the lack of experience has him hesitating on every move. He easily loses his balance while kicking and his punches are often uncoordinated; it angers him that he never has any trouble in school but can’t land a single punch.

 

He kicks one of the dolls out of frustration with an angry shout and almost instantly pain radiates, almost tickles, through his bones and he collapses onto the floor, holding his shin. Tears of grievance and exasperation begin to accumulate in the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall down his cheeks and he wipes with impatience at his cheeks before the tears have even begun to fall. “Stop,” he tells himself harshly and rests his forehead on his knees, “do better,” he mumbles, voice heavy with fatigue and he drags a hand slowly through his hair, feeling a drop of sweat on the side of his face, he laughs to himself at that. He’s so angry that he’s sweating.

 

“What are you doing?” a voice questions and Seungmin looks up in distress at being caught, a boy stands before him, or maybe even a man, clad in black attire like the guards he saw on the first day here, his eyes thin and hooded and his lips full- his eyes look weary and tired, like they belong to someone far older than what he must be- and he’s looking at Seungmin with an incredulous look- not murderous, as Seungmin would have thought.

 

Seungmin hastily stands up from the floor and wipes at his face, trying to make himself look even the least bit presentable, “I-uh, I came here to practice, I’m sorry,” he apologizes with a deep bow, hoping with all of his heart the guard doesn’t arrest him, kill him, or even worse than that, tell Chan about him.

 

When the guard doesn’t say anything Seungmin frowns deeply and continues, “I know I’m not supposed to leave the sleeping hall but I- ” he pauses, unsure of how to continue without sounding like a whining child, but after a few seconds of, admittedly, stiff silence he admits with a heavy sigh “I really need to practice,” the silence that follows is suffocating and Seungmin doesn’t understand why the guard isn’t saying anything, the least he can do is tell him if he’s about to b apprehended or kicked out.

 

“You didn’t seem to be practicing when I got here,” the man finally speaks and Seungmin finds that he quite enjoys his voice, it’s warm and not as deep as he thought it would be, and far calmer than expected. But there’s a tone to his voice that Seungmin can’t ignore, unsurprisingly, Seungmin thinks, since he must have looked quite pathetic on the floor claiming he came here to practice. “Stand up straight,” the man orders and Seungmin follows without a word, he’d like to questions the man, question him about his intentions motives, however, the Candor feels that would most likely not help his case and so he stays silent.

 

“What do you need to practice?” the man asks him without a single hint as to what he's planning on doing after he's received his answer, and contrary to Felix, Seungmin can't read this man, at all. The man awaits his answer patiently and Seungmin figures that out of all the options he has, telling the truth must surely be the easiest way rather than lying and hoping the man won't be able to tell.

 

“Kicks and punches,” the man nods distantly and lets his eyes sweep over Seungmin's form which has Seungmin dying to cover himself up even though there's nothing the man could possibly be seeing, his gaze feels so penetrating and calculating, as if he's seeing more of Seungmin than what Seungmin's showing him.

 

“Kick the doll, let me see what I'm working with,” Seungmin's eyes widen comically and his mouth drops a bit, _what he’s working with?_ The man crosses his arms, similarly to how Chan does it, and raises his head just the tiniest bit as if he’s looking down on Seungmin. “Well?” the single word breaks Seungmin out of whatever funk his mind fell into and he shakes his head, rolls his shoulders, and takes a step back to get into position. He raises his hands closer to his face, takes a deep shaky breath, and kicks the doll, thankfully he manages to actually kick with his foot this time rather than his shin, however, he still loses his balance and falls to his left resulting in him crashing down onto the ground. He bites his lip harshly in frustration and pulls himself back up again, not wanting to appear weak in front of the guard despite not even knowing this man.

 

He raises his gaze to look at the man who’s looking at him with indifferent eyes and if Seungmin’s honest with himself, the indifference comes as a relief. “It’s a start,” the man points out. Then, he starts to unzip his jacket and Seungmin’s gaze quickly falls to the floor, _what the hell is he doing?_ Seungmin really doesn’t mean to look, but when a full course meal is undressing in front of you it takes a certain sort of self-restraint _not_ to look, and that’s a certain self-restraint that Seungmin, unfortunately, doesn’t inhabit.

 

The guard’s turtleneck is obscenely tight and looks like something Jeongin could fit into snugly, Seungmin’s sure that if it wasn’t so dark he’d be able to see the outlines of the man’s abs through his shirt but he’s quite happy that he’s not able to; doesn’t know if he’d be able to keep a straight face.

 

He throws his jacket onto the floor and cracks his knuckles dramatically, “you lose your balance because you lean back too much, and you put all your power into your leg instead of focusing on your core muscles, you need to be steady throughout the entirety of the kick and not only when you’re standing in position,” he takes a step forward closer to Seungmin and Seungmin realizes that they’re almost the exact same height, but the older oozes authority that Seungmin can’t even begin to understand and he feels tiny in front of the man, still, he doesn’t feel afraid anymore.

 

“So I’m basically doing everything wrong,” the man’s lips twitch in amusement, “not everything,” Seungmin rolls his eyes, “that’s not very comforting,” he feels his Candor confidence begin to return to him, letting him speak more freely and carelessly, but his confidence in himself remains subdued.

 

“Get in back in position,” the man orders and Seungmin feels he has no choice in the matter and so he follows the order, pulls his hands up to his face and takes a step back with his right leg, “good,” the man circles around him like a hunter circling his prey and Seungmin holds back his remark, “now, when you go to kick, instead of pulling your entire body to the right before swinging with your leg, don’t pull in any direction, simply take a step forward and pause there. Seungmin does as he’s told.

 

“Good, now, when you kick you should follow the same principle as you did just now, don’t pull your body to the side, that’ll rub your balance before your leg’s even in the air,” the man stands beside him now, “get back in position,” Seungmin does and so does the man.

 

“Now, when you step forward, instead of putting your foot down, pull your knee up towards you, twist your body to the left, and then extend the rest of the leg to kick. Do it slowly.”

 

Seungmin does it all in slow motion, he slowly pulls his knee up, slowly twists his body to the left, and kicks the doll; without falling down to the ground.

 

His face breaks out into a smile and he turns to the man to see him already looking at him, “good. You did well,” Seungmin flushes and averts his gaze, he doesn't know what it is about the man that has him so flustered and he's not too sure he wants to know.

 

“Most things are easier if you just take it slowly. Don’t rush it,” he tells him and Seungmin nods, of course, that’s nothing new, he’s not stupid. He knows things take time and that no one has ever mastered a skill in three days, but still, it helps to hear it from someone else, to hear that he’s not doing as badly as he thinks he is. “Thanks,” he says, this time looking directly at the man to show that he’s being honest, he really is thankful. The man nods and bends down to grab his jacket from the floor, his arms flex when he does and Seungmin swallows heavily and looks away, trying to calm the heat in his face.

 

“You should go to bed, tomorrow’s gonna be a long day,” Seungmin had completely forgotten about tomorrow, strangely enough, “oh, right,” he mumbles and the man huffs, “go to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow,” at this Seungmin almost looks up so quick he gives himself whiplash. “You will? I mean, we’ll see each other?”

 

“You said you needed to practice kicks and punches, I only taught you how to kick today,” the man says as if it’s obvious and Seungmin nods absently, “right,” he mumbles, what should he say now?

 

Thankfully he doesn’t need to strain his brain too much because the man does it all for him, he puts a hand on Seungmin’s shoulder and squeezes, “I’ll see you tomorrow, now go get some rest, you’ll need it,” and with that he leaves the halls, the doors slamming shut after him.

 

_Goodnight? Whoever you are._

  


___

 

  


“Today will be strikingly different than the last few days have been, today, there’ll be no fighting, and no practice,” instantly the room erupts into cheers and Felix throws his arms around Seungmin, “am I dreaming? Are we actually being given free time four days in? This seems too good to be true,” and unfortunately, it is...

 

“Now, that doesn’t mean you’ll be doing nothing,” Chan continues and the cheers fade away into silence as people begin to realize that they’re not at all being given a free day off, some of the Dauntless-born begin to shift uneasily as if they know what’s coming but the transfers have no clue of what is to come.

 

“Today, you’ll be entering your first fear simulation,” Chan’s words echo throughout the entire hall and the silence that follow is deafening, Eunbin whimpers slightly from right next to Felix and he leans into her and whispers, “what’s a fear simulation?” Eunbin turns to him with wide eyes, “what makes you think I know?” Felix rolls his eyes and nudges her, “you’re a former Erudite, and...you look like you’re about to cry,” Eunbin frowns at him and huffs angrily, willing the tears in her eyes to disappear. However, just as she’s about to answer him Chan begins to speak again.

 

“For those of you unfamiliar with the fear simulations, they’re exactly what they sound like. You’ll enter a simulation of one of your worst fears and try to get out of it, conquer it, defeat it,” he pauses and Felix locks eyes with Changbin just as Chan says, “and I’ll be watching your every move,” and suddenly Felix feels sick to his stomach. Are they supposed to let their deepest and darkest fears be on display for their fearless trainers to see? How will he ever be able to recover from that? But in some odd way, Felix is at least happy that it's isn't Changbin who'll be administering his test, at least _he_ won’t see how weak he can be.

Seungmin’s hand reaches down and squeezes Felix’s hand comfortingly, his hand is cold but Felix doesn’t mind, he squeezes back and turns his head discreetly to look at Seungmin out of the corner of his eye and it’s clear that Seungmin is affected by all of this as well.

 

“Dauntless-born, follow me,” Changbin calls and the Dauntless-born slowly and reluctantly begin to separate from the group, taking as much time as possible to get to Changbin perhaps in hopes of not being the first initiate to do the test. “Transfers, follow me,” Chan says steadily without an ounce of worry visible on his face, it’s certainly not mirrored on his transfers’ faces.

 

With a look around him Felix can tell that no one in the group is very keen on doing the test, a heavy silence has fallen over the group and it feels like they’re walking under a giant grey cloud. Chan leads them down another stone corridor that looks exactly the same as every other stone corridor in the Dauntless compound and Felix has no idea how anyone knows where they are. They stop at a door that looks very similar to the one from where they did the Aptitude test, “only half of you will do the test before lunch and the second half will do it after lunch so,” he pauses and squints, Felix holds his breath, not sure if he wants to get it over with or have some time to prepare himself for it.

 

“Everyone born from August to December will do it before lunch and the ones born during the first half of the year will do it after lunch, so anyone not doing it now is free to go and do whatever they want,” a little more than half of the group leaves and heads down the corridor they came from, and it’s in that moment that Felix, as well as Seungmin, suddenly remembers something. Jeongin.

 

Jeongin’s still standing next to them looking a bit unsure of himself and biting his lip, Seungmin nudges him with his elbow carefully, “you should ask him,” he mumbles and Jeongin nods absently. It’s not really as easy as Seungmin makes it sound, but Seungmin seems to think so because when Jeongin doesn’t make a move to ask Chan he takes it into his own hands. He puts his hand up in the air, “Candor, was something unclear to you?” Chan aks with a pinch of rudeness to him and Jeongin figures he must have, as Felix taught him, woken up on the wrong side of the bed. “Yes,” Seungmin answers without any hesitancy and points to Jeongin to further explain himself, “he’s born 2201 in February, so what’s he supposed to do?” it seems as though Chan hadn’t been briefed on that particular information because his dark eyes widen a bit in surprise before returning to his normal neutral gaze, “well, since you’re already here I don’t see why you can’t stay,” Jeongin’s sighs in relief and turns to Seungmin with a thankful smile, “thanks hyung,” Seungmin seems to startle at the honorific for a second but he’s not complaining; he’s always wanted to be a hyung. He gives Jeongin a small smile of his own.

 

Their smiles are however short lived as Chan scans a card against the side of the door and the door slides open revealing a room eerily alike the waiting room they sat in before the Aptitude test, “take a seat, I’ll call you when it’s your turn,” they all take their seats and glance nervously around at each other. “I have a feeling I’m gonna be longing for a hardcore day full of training after this,” Felix admits and Seungmin hums in agreement, even Jeongin gives a little nod at that. Aching muscles and bruised knuckles sound like a dream come true compared to someone watching his deepest and darkest fears on a screen, he knows Changbin was watching him during the Aptitude test, but that wasn’t his own mind conjuring up scenarios, those scenarios were already premade and he had no say in them, only on how he acted. But this time, it’ll be inside _his_ mind, inside his fears, and he has no idea what kind of private things are lurking deep in his mind.

  


They’re about ten people in the room and Jeongin’s practically shaking with anticipation, he has no idea who Chan is going to call for first and the not knowing has him nervous down to his fingertips. The second door into the actual test room opens and Chan stands there, looking as calm as ever, “Felix,” he calls and Felix blanches, he’s _first?_ What kind of list is Chan going after? He wants to question the older and tell him to pick someone else despite knowing that he’ll never agree to that. So instead of doing what he desires he pats his thighs and stands up from his seat, “bye kids,” he tells Seungmin and Jeongin, somewhat breaking the icy atmosphere before heading into the room, the door shutting after him with a muted _click._

  


“How do you think he’ll do?” Jeongin asks Seungmin quietly to which Seungmin simply shrugs his shoulders with a faraway look, “Felix is strong,” he states blatantly without any emotion and Jeongin assumes that’s all he’s planning on saying on the subject, but then Seungmin turns to him and this time his eyes are filled with an emotion Jeongin can’t even begin to decipher, “but he’s not fearless,” and with that Seungmin turns away from Jeongin once and for all and silence falls between them.

  


Simultaneously, Felix’s gulping down the black liquid he’s been giving in a small metal cup with a grimace, the process is very much the same as for the Aptitude test, but some things are different. The room is no longer built up by mirrors, instead it’s a pale green painted over the rough surface of the stone walls and the chair he’s in isn’t as stiff and metal-y, instead, it’s more like a chair you’d see at the dentist, slightly cushioned but still uncomfortably tilted backward. Chan pulls a large metal cylinder out of one of the draws on his table and presses a button, Felix hears a buzz come from it as it starts up.

 

“You’ll feel a little pressure,” Chan warns him and presses it to his neck. Felix feels a sting in his neck for a second before it’s gone, leaving only a dull and slightly pulsing feeling. “Now close your eyes and just relax,” Chan says and Felix can already feel his head begin to swim and his consciousness fades away, within seconds his vision turns black and passes out.

 

Only to wake up in the...the sleeping hall in his bunk bed, “what the-” he mumbles to himself and sits up slowly, he feels like he’s been asleep for an entire day, his body incredibly lethargic and heavy. He coughs into the crook of his arm as his throat begins to tickle, his eyes sting and his lungs feel full in a weird way. “Seungmin-ah,” his voice is hoarser than usual and his throat hurts, he reaches down onto the floor to try and find the flashlight they keep for going to the bathroom but he can’t find it, and he can’t see anything. It’s pitch black, more black than it usually is and he feels his eyes begin to water and his nose run.

 

“Jeonginie?” he calls out to the best of his ability but he receives no answer and as another wave of coughing takes over his body he realizes the smell that’s in the air, smoke. He falls out of bed onto the ice cold stone floor and crawls towards the doors, he still can’t see anything and he keeps bumping into beds but he needs to get out of here because he can’t _breathe_. “Minnie!” he tries to shout but just then his throat decides to close up and he feels panic begin to build up inside of him, his hands claw at his throat and his chest and he tries to heave in breaths but no air reaches his lungs.

 

He cries as black spots begin to swim in his vision and he coughs so harshly that he throws up on the floor, his nose is running and his eyes leaking tears as he desperately tries to breathe, but it’s becoming clear to him that he won’t be able to unless he makes his way out of here, but he has no energy to continue to crawl towards the exit and as the black finally claims his vision he can’t help but cry _mom, please._

 

And then he wakes up in the dentist chair with Chan by his side, preventing him from falling over as he desperately tries to get away from the chair, “calm down, it wasn’t real,” Chan tells him but it does little to comfort him because it _was_ real, once upon a time. He sucks in a delicious breath of air and revels in the way his aching lungs cool down, they were never aching to begin with, but some of the effects remain even now when he’s out of the simulation.

 

“Fucking hell, mate,” he breathes out with a heavy sigh and he holds his head in his hands as he breathes, “how long was I in there?” he questions without looking up at his leader and he hears Chan type something into his computer thing, “just under 8 minutes, you did well,” he sounds mildly impressed  but Felix couldn’t care less, to him it felt like he was trapped in that smoke-filled room for an eternity.

“Go get some rest,” Chan tells him and presses a button that opens up a door in the back so that he doesn’t have to face the others which he’s very grateful for, he doesn’t think he’d be able to look at Seungmin and not burst into tears. He leaves the room with a heavy feeling in chest and memories he’d worked hard on forgetting, “shut up,” he tells his mind, he doesn’t want to remember anything of his parents nor the years he spent with them, “just shut up,” he repeats as tears begin to leak from his eyes and he’s happy that there’s no one else in the corridor to see himself break down. He heads back to the sleeping hall and hopes that it isn’t too bad for Seungmin or Jeongin.

  


Four people have been called into the room since Felix’s turn and the anticipation and anxiety has built up in Seungmin to the point where his knee is shaking uncontrollably, every name has been called at random it seems, at least, Seungmin’s hasn’t been able to figure out any sort of pattern. Furthermore, no one’s returned from the room to settle any of his worries or give any sort of information as to what he’s getting himself into.

  


Seungmin bites his bottom lip aggressively while he waits, not even the quiet conversation happening right next to him is enough to distract him from his impending doom; granted, he may be blowing this way out of proportion, but Seungmin doesn’t like surprises, he likes to be one step ahead, like to know what to expect.

 

“Seungmin,” he’d been so distracted that he hadn’t noticed the door to the mysterious room opening until now, he tenses in his seat and turns his head to meet Jeongin’s sweet gaze, “you’ll be fine, hyung,” he assures him with a smile that helps some of the tension ease up. His mouth, however, feels like it’s been glued shut, rendering him incapable of answering so he settles for a confident nod that doesn’t make him feel confident at all, but he must, however, be a convincing actor because Jeongin looks quite amazed by the sudden change in him.

  


Without another word, Seungmin leaves the room and enters through the door to where Chan’s waiting for him. Immediately he’s being handed a glass of black goo and being told to sit in the chair in the middle of the room, he chugs the liquid down quickly to avoid tasting it and sits himself in the chair. The room has an uneasy feeling to it and the green walls make him feel slightly sick to his stomach.

 

Chan fixes everything up, gives him some sort of shot in his neck, and tells him to lie back and close his eyes. He does just that and in a matter of seconds he feels his head begin to spin uncomfortably and every sound begin to fade into nothing until-

 

Until he’s suddenly overwhelmed by all the sound coming from around him, he looks around like a wild animal to try and figure out where he is and sees black clothed individuals with multi-colored hair, piercings, and tattoos wherever he lets his eyes land, he also begins to realize, as his senses start to return, that he’s in the dining hall in the Dauntless compound. He’s sitting at a table with people he doesn’t know and neither Felix or Jeongin are anywhere to be seen. He looks down at the table in front of him and sees that there’s a plate with meat and vegetables and mashed potatoes on it and it’s already half eaten; he’s holding a fork in his right hand.

 

Just then a swarm of people passes by behind him and someone bumps into him, causing him to lose grip on the fork and it clatters loudly onto the plate, “oh, it’s you,” Seungmin immediately recognizes the voice of his best friend and turns around happy to know someone in the room, he expects to see his friend with his mop of light brown hair on his head and a bright smile like usual, instead, he’s met by a boy with blonde- almost white- hair, a piercing in his nose and multiple in his ears, tattoos running up his arms and a sneer etched onto his face.

 

“Felix!” Seungmin can’t believe his eyes, _who is this?_ “Seungmin,” Felix replies stiffly and Seungmin frowns at the sourness tone in his voice, “what do you want?” Felix questions in a bored manner, “uhm, I-” Seungmin’s utterly speechless, what has happened to his friend?

 

“Do you want to sit with me?” he asks, it’s not what he actually wants to ask, but Felix looks like he’s about to run away at any second and Seungmin just wants to keep him in his arms and never let go. Felix scoffs and looks back at a boy standing right behind him and snorts loudly, “is he serious?” the boy asks incredulously like he’s just heard the most shocking thing ever.

 

Felix turns back to him and gives him a look that makes Seungmin feels incredibly small, “sorry, Seungmin-” Seungmin can tell clear as day that he’s not sorry at all, “but I’ve got better things to do,” and then he walks off without sparing poor Seungmin even the shortest of looks, anything would have made Seungmin feel better rather than being completely ignored.

 

“Wait!” he calls out after the two boys, he can’t just let Felix walk away like that without even giving him an explanation, he runs out of the hall to follow them and when he turns a corner he runs straight into Felix, who’s noticeably taller and sturdier than before, and Seungmin falls to the ground with a heavy _thump_.

 

“Why’d you follow me?” Felix crosses his arms and towers above him, Seungmin swallows a cry. “Why’d you just leave me? And who is that guy?” he points towards the boy from the dining hall, lurking in the shadows behind Felix, “he’s my best friend, what’s it to you?” Seungmin can’t believe what he’s hearing, can’t even begin to fathom what he must have done to be replaced by some meathead like that guy.

 

“But I’m your best friend,” he tells Felix as if he’s stating a fact, and it is, to Seungmin at least. Felix laughs, although it’s not the normally bright laugh that Seungmin’s become so used to throughout his childhood, the laugh he’s become so accustomed to, the laugh he can recognize anywhere- this laugh is mean and plagued with darkness.

 

“You used to be,” Felix states and drags a hand through his hair, his _platinum_ hair, “but you became _so boring_ Seungmin-ah, you weren’t my Minnie anymore,” his words hurt and Seungmin can tell that he’s enjoying hurting Seungmin, and then he lands the final punch.

 

“You’re just like your parents,” and Seungmin feels a tear slip down his cheek and wipes it away angrily, “this isn’t you Felix,” he pleads desperately, however, it’s clear to him that nothing he says will change his best friend’s mind. The old Felix would never treat him like this, not even during one of their big fights.

 

“It wasn’t me before,” Felix agrees with a thoughtful look as he nods his head, but then he shatters Seungmin’s heart with a harsh look, “but it is now,” and that’s how it ends. Everything fades to black and Seungmin wakes up with a gasp.

 

The first breath of air he sucks in hurts and he squeezes his eyes shut again, his heart rate is going crazy and he feels shaky. Out of all the things he thought he would see in the simulation that was not something he’d expected, which made it so much worse. “It’s over now, you’re out of it,” he distantly hears Chan tell him to which Seungmin nods without opening his eyes, he’s scared that if he opens his eyes and walks out the door he’ll walk past the platinum blonde-haired Felix that he so desperately wants to forget.

 

Chan bites his lip and places the clip of Seungmin into his folder before looking over at the boy and frowning, out of all the fears he’s seen so far this one has been the most unconventional, most of them have been the usual, fear of heights, fear of spiders and so on so forth, but this one really stuck with him, the  fear of losing his friend in the least expected way; unexpected because no one died in the simulation. Except for maybe Seungmin himself.

 

And although Chan isn’t supposed to dwell on any of his initiates fears -he’s not even supposed to acknowledge them as he’s not allowed to get invested in the kids- he can’t help but wonder why the mention of the boy's parents made him crack. Why that struck such a cord in him.

 

“You’re free to go,” Chan says plainly, averting his gaze from the boy back to his computer, he knows how traumatizing the first fear simulation can be, and usually is, but he can’t have everyone taking a nap after they’re done, he’d have be here for days on end to ever finish.

 

Seungmin finally sits up and opens his eyes to the pale green light of the room, feeling a lot calmer than he did bare minutes ago. With a sigh he heaves himself up and off the chair and straightens his back with an audible crack, he winces from the pain and rolls his neck. He feels a little lost but he welcomes the pain with open arms because you can’t feel pain in your dreams so that must mean he’s awake.

 

He turns to look at Chan who’s staring at his computer completely unbothered by Seungmin’s staring, but unbothered doesn’t mean that he doesn’t notice, “if you have something to say then go ahead?”

“Will we be doing this again? And if so, how often?” Chan’s eyes leave the computer for only a second to study seungmin before returning, “you’ll have to do it once a week until your graduation,” he answers and Seungmin feels sick. It’s one of those rare moments where he almost wishes he didn’t know the beloved truth.

 

Not wanting to bother Chan any further, and also in desperate need of finding Felix, Seungmin exits the room by the back door that magically opens as soon as he turns away from Chan and heads down the corridor to a staircase that he doesn’t know where it’ll lead him but anything’s better than down here. So he heads up, trying to ignore what just transpired. Completely forgetting about Jeongin for a moment.

 

___

 

 

But contrary to Seungmin, Jeongin has not forgotten about him, and he bites his nails- a nasty habit of his- as he awaits his turn, wondering how it went for his hyungs, where they are now, and if they’re okay, he wonders.

 

There are only three people left in the room, him included, and he’s growing more and more anxious as name after name gets called. He’s afraid of what his fear simulation will be, he’s afraid of what Chan will get to see, and he’s afraid of the aftermath. But maybe, if his hyung appears in his simulation, he’ll have a shot at finding him if Chan can recognize him, which Jeongin feels he probably will- Chan seems to know everyone.

 

A boy called Hui gets called into the room and now only two remain, Jeongin and the girl that Felix called Karen on the first day. She’s quite pretty, Jeongin thinks, her hair’s a nice mixture of red and brown and her eyes are big and hazel and she’s extremely pale with freckles covering her entire face and body, but not like Felix’s. These freckles are red-looking and _everywhere_ , Jeongin’s never seen anyone like her before.

 

“It’s rude to stare,” her voice startles him and when he finds her eyes she’s looking directly at him with a fierce gaze and Jeongin feels incredibly embarrassed at being caught, “I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t- I didn’t-” he completely freezes, his brain coming up short with anything clever to say and he’s left a blubbering mess, trying to come up with something, anything that’ll save him.

 

“You’re...pretty,” he finally utters before he can stop himself and his face immediately flushes a bright red, he doesn’t need a mirror to know that. Karen’s eyes widen and Jeongin can see the way her cheeks blush red as well, “oh,” she mumbles and Jeongin wants to hit himself, _why’d you say that? Now she’s weirded out._

 

Karen tucks some hair behind her left ear and looks at him with calculating eyes like she’s trying to figure out whether he’s pulling her leg or not. But when she sees nothing but (embarrassed) sincerity in his eyes the small smile on her face speaks for itself and Jeongin feels himself begin to relax.

 

“Thanks,” she says steadily, her cheeks red but despite that, there’s no waver in her voice. “That’s nice of you to say,” they fall silent after that, no more words are spoken as the silence swallow them up while they wait for their names to be called. Jeongin glares down at the white floor, so shiny that he can see his own reflection in it, it’s a strange contrast to the rest of the Dauntless compound which is almost entirely made out of rough stone sharp enough to scratch you up with a single light touch.

 

“Kaz,” Jeongin looks up from his reflection and watches as Kare- Kaz disappears into the room without a word; and then there was one. Jeongin sits alone in the room now wishing he was anywhere but here, he hadn’t noticed how much of a calming factor it was to have other people in the room, even people he (apparently) don’t know the names of. But now that he’s all alone he can’t help but wonder if it’s on purpose, has he been singled out? Have they removed everyone from his vicinity to get rid of him quietly without anyone noticing?

 

Has he done something wrong? Granted, he hasn’t been doing as well as the rest of the initiates, he’s been less than stellar at training despite trying his best, however, he thinks, that can’t possibly be a valid reason to kick him out. Or maybe it’s because he’s younger than the rest, maybe his test will be administered differently. His sweaty palms lay on his thighs and his bangs hang down in his eyes as he waits in the clinical room, hunched over, waiting to be called in.

 

 

___

 

 

Meanwhile, Felix is hugging his pillow tightly to his chest, breathing slowly and deeply to make sure that air is, in fact, getting into his lungs and that he isn’t suffocating like he had around two hours ago, at least that’s how long he thinks it’s been. Time doesn’t seem to operate by the same rules when your entire being is consumed by panic. As soon as he returned from the simulation he propped the doors open with two of the plungers for the toilets to make sure that they won’t shut unless he wants them to. There are a few other kids laying in their beds, some of them crying, some of them shaking, a little while back one of them was running laps around the room, and before that, one of the Dauntless-born kept on screaming so badly he had to be sedated by the very same man who fixed up Jeongin’s knee.

 

He stopped by a few of the other kids as well, not doing much from what Felix could tell, but the loud sobs slowly turned into quiet snivels and hiccups so he guesses they too received some sort of sedative. _That would have been useful hours ago,_ Felix had thought bitterly as he stared after Minho’s retreating form.

 

Clutching the pillow even tighter he turns to lie on his back rather than on his side and he stares up at the roof his bed, Seungmin’s bed, and wonders where his best friend is and whether he’s doing okay, though thankfully, he doesn’t have to wait long to find out because just then Seungmin walks in through the doors, white as a sheet.

 

Felix sits up quickly with his pillow still in hand and waits for Seungmin to make his way over to their beds, “hi,” Felix says calmly, if not a little hoarsely. Seungmin stands by the foot of Felix’s bed and just looks at him for a moment without any sort of emotion visible on his face, but after a few seconds of silence, Felix can see the physical change in Seungmin as his shoulders begin to relax and the stoic look begins to soften at the edges. “Hi,” Seungmin finally says back and Felix gives him a small smile and pats the space next to him on the bed, it’s not much and it’s certainly not meant to fit two people but Seungmin crawls in beside him anyway and lies down. Felix places the pillow that he’s been clutching so tightly under his head and replaces it with Seungmin instead, and Seungmin naturally goes with it. He tucks his head under Felix’s chin on top of his chest and hugs his waist tightly.

 

They don’t say anything after that despite them both having something on their minds, but they’re not worth telling. It’s not like any of them would judge the other on their fears, never in a lifetime would they do that, but at the same time, neither of them want to share their fears solely because they share everything else with each other, and some things you’re allowed to keep secret.

 

Seungmin snuggles into Felix and exhales loudly. Felix still has his light brown hair, Felix still has his face free of piercings, his ears free of earings, his arms free of tattoos, Felix is still Felix, his best friend who likes to cuddle and cling to Seungmin. Seungmin can’t even begin to describe how relieved he is. He would have nothing against Felix changing his hair color, or getting any sort of body modification as long as he was still Felix, however, simulation-Felix was another person- and Seungmin can’t let that happen.

 

“We have the rest of the day off,” Felix interrupts Seungmin’s train of thought and Seungmin looks up at Felix through his lashes, their heads incredibly close to each other but neither of them minding, “when Jeonginie gets back we should do something, anything,” it’s clear that Felix is more stressed than usual and anxious to get back onto his feet- he’s never liked feeling weak. Seungmin understands that.

 

“Anything is better than being cooped up in here all day,” Seungmin can’t help but agree with him on that, with all the free time they’ve been given for the day it would be a waste not to make use of it. He snuggles back into Felix’s chest and closes his eyes, finding comfort in the warmth radiating from Felix’s chest, “we could go get tattoos,” he mumbles without really thinking. He knows Felix’s wants them and he also knows that he can’t stop his friend from getting one or a hundred, so he might as well be there and maybe even get one with him, instead of finding out in three years that his best friend’s got one.

 

Felix’s startles and it shakes Seungmin from his comfortable position, “are you serious?” he questions loudly, loud enough to wake the girl sleeping five beds away and she mutters something unintelligible, most likely some insult, before turning away from them. His voice is filled with excitement and joy as he sits up slightly to look down at Seungmin whose cheeks have thankfully gotten some color back in them, “are you kidding me, mate?” Felix exclaims excitedly and shakes Seungmin’s entire body as if he’ll get a faster answer that way, his smile growing so big that Seungmin’s afraid he’s going to split his cheeks open.

 

“ I’m serious,” Seungmin looks up at the bottom of his own bed and thinks for a second about what he’s actually saying right now, it’s not like he’s given himself any time to process this thought, he’s not one to generally do thing on the spur of the moment- he likes to plan, likes to know what’s about happen and likes to know his choice before he’s asked to make it. But this, this isn’t for him. This is for Felix, and he’d do anything for Felix, despite how crazy of an idea it may be- of course this comes with basic limitations such as “don’t eat that mysterious berry we don’t know if it’s poisonous,” or “don’t jump you’re gonna break something,” which Felix actually did.

 

“You’ve always wanted tattoos,” Seungmin says with a shrug and settles down on top of Felix’s chest once again, there’s nothing more to say than that according to Seungmin, and although Felix is curious as to what brought this on he doesn’t push his best friend, instead he hugs him back and settles back onto his pillow wishing that Jeongin would hurry up.

 

___

 

  


Jeongin’s wishing that everything would hurry up as well as he sits with his legs crossed on top of his thin and hard plastic chair, he’s biting his nails anxiously because, while Kaz hasn’t been in there any longer than anyone else he can’t help but feel like he’s been alone for well above an hour now, just staring at anything and everything and nothing all at the same time. After the ten minutes spent in the room he’s seen everything there was to see, not to mention he had Seungmin with him then, and then when Seungmin disappeared he had other people to look at and study. However, now that he’s been alone with nothing but his reflection for a while he’s grown exceptionally tired of looking at the overgrown bangs on his forehead in desperate need of a trim, and the sunburn across his nose and cheeks from days on end working the fields.

 

Just as he’s beginning to think he’s never going to be called in the door opens and surely enough there is Chan with a small quirk to his lip and his head cocked to the side, “Jeongin-ah, you’re up,” Jeongin can’t remember the last time he felt such relief and he stands up so quickly he almost trips over his own tangled legs.

 

His left leg hurts a bit from sitting in the crossed leg position for so long and tearing at the stitches so he winces once he’s standing up straight, “leg giving you problems?” Chan questions with a tilt of his head to Jeongin’s knee, Jeongin follows his line of sight despite already knowing what he’s looking at. “It- it’s not too bad, just a little sore,” he mumbles shyly with a look down at his shoes. “Alright,” Chan answers soberly and with that turns around and heads into the room, Jeongin follows him dutifully.

 

Immediately he feels like he’s back in Dauntless, the light in the room not as bright and the colors more subdued, everything’s less shiny and clean and a lot more rugged, he prefers it that way. “Take a seat,” Chan gestures to the chair with a nod and Jeongin sits down quickly, enjoying the feeling of his body sinking into the black, light cushioning, it’s a nice transition from the hard plastic chair

 

“Drink up,” Chan hands him the glass with black goo just like with everyone else and Jeongin downs it and sticks his tongue out in disgust when the glass is all empty, it’s not so much the taste as it is the consistency that disgusts him. Like blended beans, coarse like potato starch and smooth like juice.

 

He hands the glass over to Chan before leaning back in the chair and looks up at the ceiling, his entire is buzzing with trepidation and suspense for the unknown. He’s never been inside his own mind like his, of course, none of the initiates have, but Jeongin isn’t thinking about the others at the moment. He’s thinking of himself- how Dauntless of him.

 

Chan presses a metal cylinder object to his neck and without warning pushes the button on the side. The pressure is immediate but it doesn’t hurt as much as he’d expected of the foreign object.

 

“Close your eyes, it’ll help with the dizziness,” Jeongin does as he’s told when the room begins and within seconds he’s out like a light.

 

It’s a weird feeling, what happens next. His body goes from feeling numb and gooey in the cushioned chair to feeling ice cold and heavy in the black water he lands in. His lithe hands are gripping a floating piece of broken, rough wood and it’s the only thing keeping him from sinking. He gasps heavily and coughs harshly as a wave of salty water sweeps over him and goes into his mouth and down his throat, temporarily suffocating him. He can barely see anything with the raging sea around him and his bangs in his stinging eyes, but the little he can see is the grey sky and the endless black ocean surrounding him, and panic begins to set in. One particularly big wave sweeps over him and drags him down under water without giving him a chance to take in a breath, and whatever he had in his lungs gets knocked out as soon as he ends up under the surface. But he manages to keep his grip on the wood and pulls himself back up again.

 

Red eyes look around in fear at the nothingness around him and he begins to cry in earnest because despite what he wants to believe, he knows he’s not strong enough to hold on to the wood for much longer, and if he lets go- he’s dead.

 

“Hyung!” he calls out to the best of his ability, his voice is scratchy and it hurts to yell but he can’t give up, he can’t. “Hyung!” he calls once more, his voice is swallowed by the waves around him and no reaching anyone’s ears except for his own. “Hyung please!”

 

“Jeonginie?” Jeongin chokes on his breath as the soft, angelic voice calls his name through the waves. He hasn’t heard the voice in years and the last time he heard it it was scratchy from not being used all that often, “mom?”

 

And suddenly she’s right next to him in the water, holding onto the piece of wood with healthy looking hands, not a single band-aid in sight from sticking herself on the needles, and she’s smiling. Her eyes full of light and full of mirth and her smile as bright as the sun and Jeongin freezes, her hair looks healthy and kept, not even wet from the ocean around them, and her skin doesn’t have the grey hue it had last time he saw her- Jeongin knows what this means.

 

And it hurts. God, it hurts so bad. But he knows in his heart that it can’t be, so he takes a shaky breath-spits out some salt water- and whispers, “you’re not real,” and the words feel like they’re physically cutting into him, feel like they’re being carved into his skin to torment him with for the rest of his life.

 

But it’s the truth, she’s not real, she can’t be. And she knows that too, Jeongin can tell, because she reaches out and strokes his cheek with her beautiful hand, but Jeongin can feel the bandages. Can feel the coarse skin, the rough texture of her fingertips, and he hates it.

 

“Go away,” he cries out and tries to get away from her, but she shakes her head and tries to move closer to him, “don’t!” but when she won’t stop, Jeongin does something he would never have expected of himself.

 

He lets go. He lets go of the wood and immediately begins to sink. He doesn’t even take a breath because he knows it’d be fruitless- he can’t swim, so why torture himself longer than necessary.

 

She follows him into the water and swims closer to him, and she looks so beautiful that Jeongin wants her gone, forever. He never wants to see her again. So he opens his mouth to scream at her and the water floods into his mouth and into his lungs, and the pain is unlike anything he’s ever felt before. But thankfully, it’s short-lived. After only three seconds of absolute darkness he comes to, wakes up back in the room with the cushioned chair and the light green walls and he sighs in relief.

 

But then Chan’s grabbing his arm with a bruising grip and pulling him up out of the chair, his expression tight and tense and Jeongin swallows audibly in fear, the taste of salt still present. “Wh-wha-”  Chan fixes him with a look that tells him, with no words needed, to shut the hell up if he knows what’s best for him, so Jeongin closes his mouth and stares with wide, _scared_ eyes. With furrowed brows and a tight grip, Chan stares the boy down into the ground until Jeongin’s forced to lower his gaze to his shoes, if he thought something was wrong before he’s certain something is wrong now.

 

“How did you do that?” Jeongin’s eyes fly up to meet Chan’s intense gaze, _how did I do what?_ He thinks and blinks confusedly up at Chan, but somehow his thought must have passed his lips without him noticing because Chan answers him within a heartbeat, “how did you get out? How’d you know it wasn’t real?”

 

_Oh,_ was he not supposed to find that out? Isn’t that how you ‘win’ in the simulation? Jeongin’s more confused than ever as well as apprehensive, he doesn’t want to share the details of how he knew the simulation was indeed a simulation, so he settles for, “I just knew,” he mumbles quietly, hesitantly with dread in his voice, dread for what’s to come.

 

Chan regards him with piercing eyes, his grip still tight on Jeongin’s arm. Eventually, after a few seconds of suffocating silence, he lets go of Jeongin’s arm like he’s been burnt and Jeongin hurriedly backs away from him so that he’s standing firmly pressed against the wall on the opposite side of the room, as far away from Chan as he can get.

 

Chan himself stays rooted in the same spot, still staring at Jeongin with sharp eyes and a critical gaze like he’s trying to determine whether or not to trust Jeongin. Jeongin’s entire body is shaking from fear and the adrenaline pumping in his veins, he feels like this is his ‘make it or break it’ moment and he can’t afford to mess it up- but maybe he already has. He has no way of knowing.

 

“I didn’t cheat! I promise,” Jeongin exclaims loudly and his voice trembles with fear while his eyes flicker down to his shoes once more and he lowers the top half of his body into a bow, “I don’t know what I did wrong but I promise, I didn’t cheat,” he tells him honestly as he waits for his impending sentence.

 

“What was your aptitude test result?” Jeongin looks up and frowns, he would have thought that information was something that was shared with their trainers, but then when he thinks about it, maybe it does make sense. What are they supposed to do with that information? And also, most of the transfers got Dauntless, which is why they transferred in the first place.

He could say that he got Dauntless, in fact, he could say anything but the truth _and_ the truth, but what good would that do? He’s well aware of the fact that he can’t lie, or at least he’s been told that he isn’t very good at it, but he could try.

 

However, he knows how perceptive Chan is of every and any micro expression, he’s seen it first hand when other initiates have told Chan something that isn’t the truth, or at least not the entire truth, and he doesn’t want to be the victim of his wrath when Chan already seems to be incredibly on edge.

 

“Amity,” he tells him shakily and he sees the way Chan’s nostrils flare, “really?” he retorts, the word laced in sarcasm to which Jeongin nods his head aggressively, “really,” he confirms and for a second he dares to look at Chan. Their eyes meet for a split second but it’s enough for Chan to get a glimpse of the honesty in his eyes. “Really,” this time it’s not a question, it’s a statement.

 

He remembers Changbin telling him about ‘the kid that got Amity’ and he saw no reason to doubt Changbin. However, this test made him question his friend’s loyalty solely because of the way Jeongin got out of the simulation, he essentially killed himself to get away from his mother who he also managed to figure out wasn’t real; there’s nothing Amity about that.

 

But Jeongin’s not lying, and neither is Changbin, so what the hell is going on? Chan levels Jeongin with one last look before turning his gaze away to the table and pressing the button that opens the door, “you’re free to go,” he tells him and he sees the way Jeongin’s eyes widen like he’s afraid it’s a trap. “Really,” he continues, “get out of here,” and Jeongin doesn’t need to be told twice. He’s out before Chan even has the time to blink.

 

When the door closes and Chan’s left all alone in the room he sits in the chair, drags a hand through his hair and tugs at the strands roughly, rough enough for it to hurt. Sighing heavily he sinks into the chair and just sits there for a while, wondering what he’s supposed to do now. He can’t save the video like he’s done with the others, because if the board were to examine Jeongin’s video he would be persecuted for being-

 

Chan can’t even finish the thought. It’s too dangerous of a thought to have in Dauntless in this day and age. Despite knowing there aren’t any cameras set up in this room particularly, he also knows that the Dauntless compound has a lot more surveillance than meets the eye and that one wrong word, action, or thought can be detrimental to his position in Dauntless. To his life.

 

“Fuck,” he grunts angrily and lets his head drop into his hands with a deep, heavy, full-body sigh. He needs to talk to Changbin as soon as possible.

  


 

___

 

 

**Ch: Changbin, I need to talk to you, now. Meet me in the usual spot.**

 

Changbin swallows heavily and looks up from his screen to see Minho and Jisung already looking at him with their own screens in hand, he frowns confusedly, “he sent it in the group,” Jisung explains with a shake of his screen when he sees Changbin’s confusion. “What’d you do?” Changbin glares angrily at Minho and bites his tongue so he doesn’t say something he’ll regret, “I didn’t do anything,” he bites out sassily and his eyes narrow when he sees Minho still looking at him like he doesn’t believe him.

 

“Whatever,” he mumbles angrily and shoots his tray away from himself, “I’m leaving,” Jisung grabs him by the arm as he stands up and says, “I’m coming with you, who knows what’ll happen,” he shoots a worried look at Minho, “Chan brought out the correct punctuations and capital letters,” that _is_ quite concerning, Minho has to agree, however, he still finds it amusing and so he rolls his eyes and snorts, before he too stands up and follows after the two boys.

  


___

  


“Chan hyung?” Changbin calls hesitantly as he slips inside the dimly lit room where Chan is seated on one of the reclining low chairs, he doesn’t even look up as they enter but his eyebrow does twitch when he hears Changbin’s voice. A gun cocks somewhere in the room and only then do they realize they’re not alone, “Hwang-ah,” Minho can’t say he’s surprised to see him, not really. He does have a tendency to show up whenever he so pleases, but when something’s happened- like Chan bringing out the full names and capital letters- he’s almost always there, never one to miss out on the action.

 

“Changbin-ah, have a seat,” Chan gestures to the chair across from him and it’s clear, just by the look of him, that it’s not a suggestion, it’s an order, and Changbin can’t refuse it. So he sits down and crosses his arms over his chest, “what’s this about?”

 

Hwang snorts and continues to clean his gun and Changbin’s eyes snap over to him, “oh don’t pretend like you know what’s going on, dumb doesn’t look good on you,” Hwang scoffs and gives him a coy smile, “thanks.” To which Changbin grumbles something unintelligible that sounds a lot like _it wasn’t meant as a compliment._

 

“Look,” Changbin begins and Chan cocks a brow and tilts his head to the side, intrigued. “Whatever you think I did, it wasn’t me, it was Hwang.”

 

“Just-” Chan drags a frustrated hand through his hair and exhales deeply, he needs answers and he needs them as quickly as possible, with that said, it’s not the easiest topic to approach. “Channie?” none of them had even noticed Woojin entering the room until he spoke and immediately all their heads, minus Hwang’s, turn toward him.

“Did something happen today?” he questions while putting his ba down on the floor and taking a seat on the armrest of Chan’s chair, putting an arm around Chan’s shoulders and squeezing him comfortingly. “Yeah, you could say that,” he mumbles dejectedly and leans back into Woojin’s touch, seeking the warmth.

 

“You know that Amity kid, right?” Changbin nods with a frown- the sudden tension in Hwang’s body doesn’t go unnoticed by him-, “yeah what about him?”

 

“He got himself out of the simulation today,” Changbin’s frown deepens and he leans forward into his chair curiously but when their eyes meet the hairs at the back of Changbin’s neck rise as a result of the intensity in Chan’s gaze, “okay…” he comments, not sure of what he’s supposed to say to that. Everyone gets out of the simulation sooner or later, so what’s so special about this kid?

 

“What do you mean, hyung?” Jisung steps in to help Changbin- who seems to have lost the ability to think coherently. Chan clears his throat and sits up straighter, he takes a quick glance at the door to make sure that it is indeed shut, which doesn’t go unnoticed by any of them, “hyung?” Jisung questions further, eager as well as worried that his hyung is being so secretive.

 

“I mean,” _gray clothes flash before his eyes, mirrors surrounding him_ , “I mean that the kid figured out it wasn’t real, when he was inside the simulation,” Woojin’s body tenses around him and he feels the way the air shifts in the room, how the temperature in the room suddenly drops, but at the same time, it feels a lot stuffier than it did before. Like a cold sauna.

 

“So I’m going to ask you this only once, and I want you to be completely honest with me,” his voice drops an octave lower and leaves no room for argument, this isn’t the warm and goofy Chan anymore, this is the Dauntless trainer Chan that will have you on the ground in a second if you cross him.

 

Changbin’s not afraid of him, but he respects him enough to know when to fear him. The skin on his arms prickles as he stares into the eyes of his friend, his hyung, and awaits his question, the question that carries so much weight.

 

“What was his result on the aptitude test?” everyone must be holding their breath collectively because Changbin can hear everything and nothing, he can hear the cleaning rod scraping the inside of the Hwang’s barrel and the blood in his ears pumping, “Amity,” he answers honestly.

 

Suddenly he’s pushed back in his chair with a gun to his head and shouts coming from everywhere, “Chan!” Woojin yells in distress and tries to pull him back but Chan doesn’t budge, meanwhile Hwang stays completely still, not even bothering to look up from where he’s cleaning his gun. This isn’t the first time Chan and Changbin have gone at it, it is the first time Chan’s ever pulled a gun though, but Hwang knows he won’t pull the trigger. Chan’s got his gun to Changbin’s forehead and a hand placed on his throat, “don’t lie to me,” he states calmly, a stark contrast to the way he’s acting, you’d think he’d yell. But yelling has never been Chan’s style, neither is murdering his friends so Changbin knows he’s safe. The gun’s probably not even loaded.

 

“I’m not lying,” he tells him with only little difficulty, the hand on his throat not really restricting him from talking, only making him slightly uncomfortable.

 

“He got Amity, that’s the truth,” he reaches up with a hand of his own to place on top of Chan’s hand that’s squeezing his throat. “He didn’t get anything but Amity, hyung,” it’s the hyung that does it to Chan, Changbin can tell, because as soon as the word leaves his mouth Chan’s body relaxes and he drops the gun from his forehead, resting it on his own thigh instead and it’s still directed at Changbin but not intentionally.

 

Woojin puts an arm around Chan like he’d done before, but this time he lets his arm travel lower and he places it over Chan’s chest, to comfort him or to hold him back none of them know, but it does seem to settle the man and he climbs off of Changbin and lets Jisung take the gun from his hand who immediately disarms it only to realize it wasn’t even loaded. _That’s what I thought,_ Changbin thinks to himself.

 

“You’re one hell of an interrogator,” Changbin comments with a smile as if he didn’t just have a gun to his head and at least Chan has the decency to look a little bit guilty about his actions. “I’m sorry, I just-” he cuts himself off but Changbin knows what it is he wants to say, _I had to be sure_ , he knows. He understands.

 

Chan falls back in his chair with a heavy thud and just like that the room begins to warm up again, there’s still a lingering tension but it’s not as suffocating as before. “So if he’s not..you know-” Chan’s eyes snap to Minho who’s seated on the floor crossed legged with an intrigued expression on his face, his eyes sparkling with the want for knowledge and Chan almost wants to point it out, however, he knows the younger wouldn’t appreciate it. God knows Chan doesn’t.

 

“How’d he get out?” in all honesty, Chan doesn’t know, which is new. He can’t recall ever having a student that broke out of the simulation the way Jeongin did, and he knows what it should mean, it should mean that Jeongin’s di- that he doesn't belong to solely one factor. But he believes Changbin, and Changbin says he got Amity, so where does that lead them?

  


“I swear to you, hyung. He’s as Amity as they come, all of his results pointed to Amity, not a single time did he ever hesitate in doing what he believed was right or kind,” Hwang scoffs from his seat but doesn’t say anything so Changbin continues, “everything pointed to sunshine land and I have no idea why he’s here,” at this Hwang slams the gun on the small round table next to him and glares at Changbin.

 

“Don’t call it that,” he hisses angrily and Changbin raises a brow, challenging him to say anything else, “why? Is that not what it is? All sunshine and rainbows and-” the hit to his cheek comes unexpectedly and he falls down to the ground with a thud, tasting the blood in his mouth. “What the fuck, Hwang?” he spits out and looks up to where Hwang’s looming over him with Chan and Woojin holding him back, not that he’s struggling against them, he’s simply looking at Changbin.

 

“Don’t talk about that place like you know it,” there’s something heavy in his voice that doesn’t sit right with Changbin, but instead of doing what’s mature which is to leave him alone, he decides to go against the better of his judgement and says, “oh boohoo Hwang, you grow up with a loving family that spoonfed you porridge and read you bedtime stories about fairies in the woods while others were begging to have a life like you, still are,” Changbin’s getting heated to the point where he doesn’t see the way the color drops from Hwang’s face nor the way his fists tighten so that his nails bed themselves into his palms.

 

“You had the dream life that some of us can only dream of, and then you made your choice, you decided to leave that faction to become this fake, angsty dude who doesn’t even know what hard work means-” Hwang backs away from him, to the shock of everyone, and Changbin cuts his rant short. Curious as to why Hwang’s giving up, why he won’t fight him, is it because he’s right?

 

“Can’t even say anything against it, can you?” he mocks and Minho hisses at him to “shut up,” but Changbin ignores him, this is fun, he thinks,  seeing Hwang so riled up. But the glee quickly fades away from his eyes when Hwang picks his gun and his bag up, he’s practically shaking by this point. “If I stay here any longer I _will_ kill him,” he tells Chan and there’s a tone to his voice that tells everyone in the room that he’s not kidding. They’ve never seen him this mad before and even Changbin feels like maybe he took it too far, “if I see you again I won’t hesitate to put a bullet between your eyes,” he glares directly at Changbin with so much hatred that Changbin actually feels hurt, and then he’s leaving the room and slamming the door behind him with a bang.

 

“He didn’t mean that, did he?” Changbin wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand while he awaits an answer from someone, but none comes. “Right?” he questions again and this time Chan turns his gaze to him, his eyes filled with disappointment, “I don’t know, Bin-ah, you really outdid yourself this time.”

 

Changbin swallows loudly, and looks down at the ground where a few drops of his blood have accumulated, “I didn’t say anything that isn’t true,” he tries to defend himself but Chan’s having none of it.

 

“How would you know? Where you in Amity with him?” Changbin scoffs and rolls his eyes, “no, but it’s _Amity_ ,” he says as if that’s supposed to mean something but Minho’s having none of it, “and I grew up in Erudite, you’ve heard how nice that is,” Changbin actually pauses at that. Erudite’s supposed to be the faction for the smart ones, the ones that seek knowledge and loves learning, it’s supposed to be free and everything’s supposed to be open for interpretation and some things are meant to not have an answer. That’s what it’s supposed to be, but both Jisung and Minho have shared their experiences from the faction and by the sound of it, that paradise of freedom is only a fraction of what the faction is really like.

 

“Damnit,” Changbin swears at himself, “you need to apologize to him,” Woojin tells him not unkindly, but it’s clear that he’s not happy, and it’s the last thing Changbin wants to do, but he knows it’s necessary because he’s stubborn, not stupid.

 

“Yeah,” he mumbles quietly, “do you know where he’ll be after dinner? I’ll give him until then to cool off,” Minho snorts, “how very thoughtful of you,” he mutters, clearly Changbin’s not meant to hear it, and, he guesses he kind of deserves that, so he lets the snarky remark go.

 

“He’s going on a mission later tonight,” Chan supplies and Changbin curses, “but he should be back next week, you can talk to him then, that'll give you both plenty of time to calm down," Changbin nods and sighs heavily. “Yeah, okay. Next week it is.”

  


_If only he knew._

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Leave a comment if you noticed any major mistakes, inconsistencies, or if you want to suggest something that you think should happen <3  
> I'm writing this as I go so any ideas are welcome :)


	7. A Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I'd have it up before the new year and it's still 2018 here so I'm still in time!!!  
> Hope you enjoy, and please excuse any mistakes, I'm really rushing to get this one up!

 

 

“How are you doing, Jeonginie?” Felix rubs his thumb on the back of Jeongin’s hand and tightens his grip as they continue walking.

 

Jeongin had returned to the sleeping hall quiet and white as a sheet, his body trembling and his arms tightly wound around himself and Felix had immediately -while still being mindful of Seungmin sprawled on top of him- gotten up from his bed and walked over to the shaken boy. He’d pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back to which Jeongin had only snuggled deeper into their embrace without a word, it was only when Seungmin asked him how it went that Jeongin finally let himself cry, just a few salty tears dripping down his cheeks and trailing down his throat and soaking the fabric of Felix’s shirt. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s over now,” Felix had said comfortingly and pressed a light kiss to the top of the boy’s head, Jeongin had nodded and pulled away from the older boy to wipe his tears away with the sleeve of his shirt.

 

“Do you want to get tattoos with us?” Seungmin had asked him suddenly with a tilt of his head and his hands tightly gripping Felix’s pillow, “really?” Jeongin had questioned incredulously and Felix had nodded excitedly, “you don’t have to, but you could at least come with us, I don’t think anyone should be alone right now,” and Jeongin agreed with that to the fullest, his heart feeling heavy just by the thought of being left alone. 

 

Which is what led them to right now, walking hand in hand up the stairs, every step tugging a little at the stitches on Jeongin’s knee, and Seungmin trailing behind them. Despite it being possible for the three of them to walk side by side, no one wants to risk falling into the water.

 

“I’m okay, I’m feeling a lot better now,” Jeongin tells him honestly, albeit a bit shakily to the point where most people would probably assume that he’s lying, but Felix grew up in Candor and he’s quite confident in his ability to tell when people are lying to him, especially Jeongin; in all honesty, Felix doesn’t think he’s ever met someone as easily read as Jeongin. 

 

“Do you have any idea what you want to get tattooed?” Jeongin wonders out loud to the both of them, genuinely curious about what they’re willing to get on their body for the rest of their lives. Seungmin thinks about it for a while, a tattoo is a big commitment and he doesn’t want to get a stupid cartoon only to regret it the second it’s finished, “I think I want to get a sun somewhere,” Felix turns around fast enough for the other two boys to hear the crack in his neck, “a what now?” he blinks owlishly at Seungmin and Seungmin once again tilts his head, “ a sun,” he repeats flatly with a quirk of his brow. 

 

“My little Seungminnie wants to get something that symbolizes happiness? And joy? And warmth? And fuzziness?” Seungmin kicks Felix’s bum and Felix howls and lets go of Jeongin’s hand to grab his behind, “I can be warm and fuzzy,  _ Felix, _ ” it’s said so passionately and seriously that Jeongin can’t help but let out a quiet giggle, Felix as well begins to laugh heartily and even Seungmin cracks a genuinely amused  smile. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.”

 

“I’m just joking Minnie,” Felix affirms with a smile and punches the boy’s shoulder lightly to which the boy in question only rolls his eyes. They take their last steps up before heading off in the direction of the tattoo parlor, Felix skips a few steps ahead of the other two boys and turns around so that he’s walking backward and is able to look at them both.

 

“I’m just curious,” he begins, “why the sun?” he asks loudly, swinging his arms around in a big circle and almost hitting a woman walking towards them, covered in all kinds of tattoos, in the process. Seungmin shrugs casually kicks an empty bottle to the side that’s been abandoned in the middle of the stone corridor, “I just like suns,” Jeongin nods in agreement with that and hums quietly, “me too Seungmin hyung, I think it’s a great idea,” the boy says with great admiration for the older and a smile full of teeth and braces, braces Seungmin hasn’t really thought of before, but they are extremely cute.

 

“Thanks, Jeongin,” the boy beams and Seungmin thinks that if the sun were to hit Jeongin’s braces he’d most likely be blinded for life. “Is that really the  _ only  _ reason why you’re getting it?” Felix questions further, doubtfully, and Seungmin knows that Felix knows that it is most certainly not the only reason as to why he’s getting it tattooed, however, Seungmin also knows that Felix is a curious boy that sometimes can’t help himself

 

Had they been alone Felix would have been sporting some sort of bruise somewhere on his body by now, but Seungmin doesn’t want Jeongin to witness that so early on in their friendship, so instead he feigns indifference to avoid any type of incident and simply shrugs once more.

 

“”Yeah Lix-” he pauses to pull Felix closer to himself to avoid the incoming herd of kids running down the corridor with their teacher desperately trying to keep up with them, “-I just like suns,” he repeats once more and thankfully Felix doesn’t question him, and even if he had, they arrive at their destination just as the last word leaves Seungmin’s mouth.

 

“Here we are,” he states and Felix turns around in Seungmin’s arms to look up at the neon sign that reads ‘Your Ink is My Kink’, Seungmin snorts loudly in amusement and Felix, before bursting out in laughter, takes a quick look at Jeongin’s stunned face.

 

“I take it you know what it means then?”

 

“I-I’m 15, hyung, I’m not a kid,” he stutters out, red-faced and cheeks hot to the touch with embarrassment and only then does Felix let himself succumb to laughter, “hilarious,” he wheezes out and Seungmin rolls his eyes and tries to hold back his own laughter, “it’s not that funny, Lix.”

 

“Nah mate, it really is~” he begins to laugh once again so hard that the last word just turns into a wheeze and his eyes tear up, “maybe we should just head in without him,” Seungmin nudges Jeongin who surprisingly agrees. “Bye, Felix hyung,” he sings innocently and Seungmin’s eyes glances in satisfaction at the younger boy, “you take after me so well,” he jokes with a coy smile and drags Jeongin by the arm into the tattoo parlor, leaving Felix outside to laugh by himself. 

 

It’s not so much a room as it is a space surrounded by hanging plastic, the kind used for quarantines, and Seungmin notices that it seems to be a common theme inside the Dauntless compound. Sure there are door to some places but not even the bathrooms have doors in their sleeping hall- that, though, might be for different reasons such as making the initiates less shy in front of each other and forcing them to get closer; a failed idea in Seungmin's personal opinion and he doesn’t appreciate the effort. 

 

The room is quite big and there are chairs and beds everywhere, most likely enough for every initiate to find a seat, and some of them are occupied by heavily tattooed men and women, some with strangely colored hair and piercings, some of them in extremely little clothing- Jeongin’s blush says it all- and some of them look quite normal by Candor and Amity standards.

 

Along the ‘walls’ of plastic, there are large boards with numerous designs displayed of all kinds, some small and dainty with little flowers and swirls and some big and angry-looking with flames and dragons and guns. “There’s a lot to choose from,” Jeongin points out and Seungmin nods in agreement with a frown, yeah, there really is a lot to choose from, but the problem is, nothing looks like what Seungmin has in mind. He doesn’t want all of the swirls and flowers and hearts around his sun, and he doesn’t want flames or dragons shooting out of it either, he just wants a sun, as simple as the real sun is.

 

“See anything you like?” both of the boys turn around, startled by the deep and gruff voice resonating from behind them and Jeongin’s eyes widen by the sight of the man- he sure looks like he would have a very strong and angry-sounding voice; covered completely head to toe with ink.

 

“E-everything’s really pretty,” Jeongin stutters shyly, eyes darting around the room to avoid looking at the large man in front of him but Seungmin is less reserved and stares right at the man, not aggressively, at last not on purpose, but the man’s posture changes and his shoulders broaden- clearly not liking that Seungmin’s not a stuttering mess like Jeongin.

 

“Actually, I’m curious about something,” Seungmin speaks and the man cocks a brow in wonder as if to say ‘go ahead’, not that Seungmin needs the green light to speak his mind, “if I have a design of my own that I’d like to get, where do I go from there?”

 

“My designs not good enough for you?” Jeongin feels like this is the moment Seungmin should apologize profusely and tell him his designs are lovely, however, Seungmin being Seungmin, tells him the truth, not that Jeongin should have expected anything less. “Yeah,” he tells him honestly. 

 

The man’s face tenses and Jeongin notices his jaw twitching angrily, “sir, please don’t get him wrong. Your designs are very beautiful!” Jeongin tries to save Seungmin’s skin by flattering the man, however, the man surely isn’t one to be wooed easily because he barely pays Jeongin any attention. “We’re just wondering if you can tattoo something like...maybe… a little less Dauntless standard?” Jeongin continues borderline frantically, trying to get the man to see that they don’t want any trouble, that they wouldn’t dare.

 

The man cocks a brow but at least some of the tension seems to seep away from his body and the man levels him with a look, much calmer than the one before, “see that wall over there,” he turns around halfway and nods towards the back where the first wall of the entire ‘room’ can be seen, stone as usual.

 

Seungmin and Jeongin simultaneously nod, “there’s a door on the left, in there you’ll find our resident freelancer, he does his own stuff by hand ‘cause apparently he’s too good for Dauntless,” the tattooed man spits out in distaste and shakes his head, “should’ve stayed in Abnegation,” and with that he leaves them.

 

As by magic, Felix shows up just then, having finally calmed down enough to talk again, “what’d I miss?”

 

“Nothing,” Seungmin answers casually, “but we found someone who’ll do my tattoo, hopefully,” and without any more words being spoken they head down towards the stone wall, which, at first glance, really does look like nothing but a stone wall but with close examination Seungmin sees the cracks in it forming a large rectangle large enough to be a door.

 

“Do we knock?” Seungmin shrugs and inspects the door closer, “how do we even know he’s in there?” 

 

“I don’t know Felix, I know just as much about Dauntless as you do,” Seungmin says snappily and Felix huffs a breath, not exactly angry at being scolded but feeling just the tiniest bit rejected. However, he is given no time to nurse his wounded pride as the door opens all by itself and presents the room to them where only one man is seated, his hair a normal brown shade and his face soft and kind-looking. All in all he looks nothing like the other tattoo artists that work there, in fact, none of the three boys can see any tattoo on him, granted he’s wearing pants and a shirt that covers his back and chest and the entirety of his torso, but one would expect a tattoo artists to have at least one tattoo on their arm, at least judging by what the others look like.

 

“Can I help you?” the man’s voice is surprisingly soft and happy-sounding and his attitude welcoming to the kids that just walked in, Felix nods and points to Seungmin, “he wants you to do a tattoo for him, “ Felix says casually to which Seungmin nudges him in the ribs harshly enough for the boy to let out an ‘oof’ and rub at his tender side. “It’ll cost you,” the man answers and all three boys tilt their heads in confusion, cost them? How much? And how? It’s not like they have any money.

 

“But don’t worry,” the man says quickly when he sees their expressions fall, “I won’t take full price since you’re initiates, and transfers at that,” he smiles at them kindly and Jeongin feels his tense muscles soften and some of the tension from both himself and his friends seep away, this man doesn’t seem scary at all.

 

“I guess if you want your entire back covered it’ll be a little more but I think we can work with that as well,” he takes off the black gloves from his hands and stands up to go and greet them, he reaches a hand out to Seungmin to shake but Felix beats him to it. “I’m Felix,” Woojin spares the two other boys an amused glance before shaking Felix’s hand, “I’m Woojin,” the name sparks recognition in Jeongin and his eyes light up. Could this be the very same Woojin that cooks the delicious meals he eats daily?

 

“And you are?” Jeongin seems to have missed when Seungmin introduced himself because now  Woojin’s looking at him with his hand stretched out, “oh,” he mumbles shyly and grabs it to shake, “I’m Jeongin,” he replies and the man makes an ‘ah’ sound before giving him a blinding smile that Jeongin doesn’t feel that he's worthy of.

 

“So,” Woojin claps his hands together and sits back down in his chair, there’s only one other chair in the room and Felix ushers Seungmin to sit down in it while Felix and Jeongin lean against the wall behind him. “What exactly is it that you want that the others out there can’t offer?” he questions curiously and Seungmin flushes a bit, not enough for anyone to notice but he can feel his face heat up,  _ this is such a stupid idea,  _ he thinks,  _ it’s not even that important. _

 

“Uh,” he hesitates, unsure of what it is he really wants to say, “I want a sun,” he states, no embarrassment heard but his head is in turmoil. “A sun,” Woojin repeats with no judgment but it’s clear as day that he’s curious, “yeah,” and instead of questioning further like Seungmin thinks he will he simply nods and picks up a notebook and a pen.

 

He draws quickly with concentrated eyes, seemingly never stopping to think for a second, he just draws, and the only sound that can be heard in the room is the scratching of the pen flowing over the paper and their own breathing. “Something like this?” he turns the notebook around to show off three different kinds of suns he’s drawn and Seungmin’s eyes immediately fall on the smaller one at the bottom of the page. It’s a small sun small enough to fit on his wrist and it looks like it’s been painted with watercolors, the kinds that Seungmin’s has seen in books from before the war, no sharp lines, nothing too angular, it’s just soft and bright, even though it’s been drawn with a led pencil Woojin has managed to make it look like it’s actually glowing.

 

“That one,” he points to the sun and Woojin nods like he’s pleased with Seungmin’s choice, “yeah I like that one too,” he says with a soft smile, “do you want it in color or do you want it in greyscale?” oh, Seungmin hadn’t thought of that.

 

“What do you think?” he turns to his best friend like he always does when he’s unsure of something but Felix doesn't even bat an eyelash, “can you do it in white?” Felix addresses Woojin and the older man frowns, “white ink?” he questions to clarify and Felix nods.

 

Woojin seems to think for a while because he falls silent and looks at the wall for a couple of seconds, “I could, I don’t have a lot of it so if you want this sun all over your back that’ll be quite impossible but-”

 

“I just want it on my wrist,” Seungmin interrupts but if Woojin minds he doesn’t say anything, “alright, that’s doable,” he nods and rips the page with the drawing off his notebook and puts it on the desk next to a stack of papers in navy blue. “Alright,” Woojin claps his hands together, very much like Chan and Jeongin wonder if perhaps this really is the same Woojin. “Do you want to do it now?” he asks nonchalantly and Seungmin nods eagerly, “I don’t think I’ll ever do it if I don’t do it today,” he tells him honestly and Woojin huffs a laugh, “Candor huh,” Seungmin doesn’t bother to answer him with anything other than a nod. Woojin pulls out some drawers from his desk and begins to unload lots of foreign items onto the table, things that Seungmin has never seen before.

 

“Hey Minnie, I think I’m gonna head out and get some tattoos of my own,” Felix says casually like he’s talking about getting a glass of water and Seungmin has no idea how he can be so calm about getting something permanently tattooed onto his skin, this sun means a lot to him, and he doesn’t mean that a tattoo  _ has  _ to mean something, he just doesn’t understand how it can not. “Don’t go too crazy,” he tells him sternly, worried that if he leaves his friend without supervision he’ll come back with tattoos from his forehead down to his toes. “Don’t worry, I’ll have Jeongin with me,” he says confidently, a stark contrast from how Jeongin looks.

 

“If you grab Jeongin he’ll probably encourage you to get as many tattoos as you want so that he doesn't hurt your feelings,” Jeongin pouts and looks down at the floor but doesn’t say anything against it, only confirming Seungmin’s words. “I promise I won’t tattoo my face, how does that sound?” Felix hits him with the puppy eyes and it’s not that Seungmin’s particularly affected by them, but he knows that if Felix is resulting to using them then he must be really desperate, “fine, not the face,” Felix nods quickly and grabs Jeongin by the hand before practically sprinting out of the room.

 

“I take it he’s a Dauntless through and through,” Woojin mumbles casually while he puts on his gloves and Seungmin sighs heavily, “I just know one day that’ll get him in trouble,” Woojin laughs heartily and swabs some disinfectant onto Seungmin’s wrist, “oh it will, believe me.”

 

Seungmin chuckles, already feeling a lot more relaxed in the presence of Woojin, he’s got the very same calming effect as Jeongin has and Seungmin wonders if he’s a transfer or not. “Your friends seem nice,” Woojin says absentmindedly as he prepares a small cup with ink and grabs a long cord attached to a weird looking pen, Seungmin nods in agreement and stares at Woojin’s working hands, “yeah, they are,” he mumbles, “I’ve known Felix for years now but I only met Jeongin a week ago,” it feels weird to say it out loud, it’s not that he feels he’s known the younger boy longer than that, however it certainly doesn’t feel like he was living in Candor a week ago. He’s not too sure on why he’s telling Woojin all this either since they’ve just met, but Woojin gives off that calming and welcoming vibe, the one that says ‘this is a judge-free zone’.

 

Woojin squeezes out a white cream onto Seungmin’s wrists and rubs it into his skin gently, “this is a numbing cream, I stole it from the infirmary,” he tells him honestly but by the look on his face Seungmin can tell that he’s in no way in trouble for stealing it, as the small smile graces Woojin’s lips. “Do you know Minho-ssi, then?” Seungmin questions with a tilt of his head and Woojin spares him an amused look that Seungmin doesn’t know what it’s for, “yeah, he’s one of my closest friends, we’re the same age,” he tells him and Seungmin ‘ah’s.

 

Placing one of the blue papers from his desk onto Seungmin’s wrist and laying his drawing on top Woojin begins to draw in the sun much more harshly, the sun slowly goes from shades of gray to black and Seungmin hopes that it won’t look like that on him. But when Woojin peels off the papers Seungmin is pleasantly surprised to see that what’s left on his wrist is a rough drawing of  _ his _ sun in blue, “wow,” he mumbles quietly and Woojin huffs a laugh, “cute,” he tells him and Seungmin blinks owlishly, not expecting the compliment.

 

“Now,” Woojin begins and Seungmin immediately notices the shift in his demeanor, from calm and nice to professional in seconds, “because of the numbing cream it won’t hurt but you will feel some slight pressure, just thought I should give you a heads up,” Woojin shoots him a smile and grabs the pen connected to the cord, he pushes a button on the side of it and it buzzes to life, the buzzing filling the entirety of the small room.

 

He dips he pen into the small pot of white ink and grabs a hold of Seungmin’s wrist with his other hand, he rests his own wrist in Seungmin’s open palm to get a better angle before he makes the first touch of the needle to Seungmin’s skin. Seungmin immediately understands what he meant by pressure because it sort of feels like his entire wrist is vibrating, but it doesn’t hurt.

 

Woojin keeps his focus on Seungmin’s wrist and sticks his tongue out to rest between his teeth in the corner of his mouth, “Woojin-ssi,” Seungmin’s almost shocked by how loud his voice suddenly sounds in the small room but Woojin doesn’t break his concentration in the slightest, only hums quietly for him to go on. “Why do you do this instead of the much simpler way like the other artists?” Woojin cracks a smile and looks up briefly at Seungmin to see nothing but genuine curiosity, “because this is how it was done many years ago, before the wars. And…” he trails off slightly as he dips the buzzing pen, or needle-he’s come to realize- into the white ink once more, “I quite like the work it takes, don’t get me wrong the other artists are amazing at what they do, but there’s a difference between designing it on a computer screen and scanning it onto someone’s skin and actually painting it into someone’s skin and making it look good.”

 

That does sound way harder, Seungmin agrees, but he can also appreciate the honesty Woojin is giving him. He can appreciate the beauty in doing something from scratch.

 

“I see,” there’s nothing more to be said after that and they leave the subject as it is but thankfully it doesn’t leave the atmosphere awkward or anything of that kind, they simply fall into a comforting silence. It’s only broken a few minutes later when Woojin pipes up, “is Jeongin-ah that Amity boy that doesn’t eat meat?” Seungmin frowns in confusion as to how Woojin would know that but then his expression brightens, “oh! You’re the Woojin who cooks then,” Woojin smiles and nods happily, “I hope he’s enjoying the food, Channie told me that someone else would be eating it but I didn’t get to meet him,” Seungmin finds it amusing how the cool facade of their trainers are slowly crashing as they continue to be exposed by their friends, first Binnie now Channie. 

 

“He’s most definitely enjoying it, he did say something about more spices though but I wasn’t really listening,” Woojin lets out an ‘ah’ and smiles sheepishly, “I’m not so used to spices and as far as I know, Channie and I are the only ones who eat my food, most transfers from Amity and Abnegation have started eating meat.”

 

“He still liked it, he just said you could use more chili, I think,” Woojin makes a mental note of that as he continues filling in the lines on Seungmin’s wrist as well as adding free-hand details as he goes, “I hope he had an easy time finding everything though, I know the kitchen can be quite overwhelming.”

 

Seungmin snorts and rolls his eyes, “now he knows, but the first meal he ate was ice cold ‘cause he didn’t know how to use a microwave,” Woojin laughs heartily at that and shakes his head, “neither did I, I was surprised they still have that archaic technology here,” Seungmin hums in agreement and yet again they fall into silence, but this time only three minutes pass before it’s broken by Woojin shutting the buzzing needle off, “there, done,” he grabs some sort of wet wipe and wipes away the little blood and the blue color from Seungmin’s wrist and what’s left is a gorgeous white sun that almost looks exactly like a satellite picture of the sun, with explosions happening all over it and lava-looking substance shooting out from it, except it’s in white and looks soft and light. Seungmin’s can feel his heart in his ears.

 

“Do you like it?” questions, his voice filled with slight doubt because of the younger boy’s silence, however, he’s filled with relief shortly after because Seungmin looks up at him and tries to pretend his eyes aren't watering, “I really like it, thank you Woojin-ssi.”

 

“Please, call me hyung,” Woojin gives him a warm smile and Seungmin would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a little flustered by the sincere kindness of the older boy, his head bobs in a hasty nod as he continues to admire his tattoo without looking up at Woojin. But then he remembers, “how will I pay you?” Woojin claps his hands together and spins around in his chair to grab something off the floor, when he spins back around again he’s got a trash bag in his arms which he hands over to Seungmin, “throw that away in the recycling room and we’re even.”

Seungmin stares like the older has just gained a third head but takes the trash bag from his hands anyways, “that’s it?” he levels the older with an incredulous look and Woojin hums like it’s an everyday thing, “yeah, that and…” he trails off at the end and Seungmin leans forward to egg him on, “yes..” he drags the words out and Woojin huffs with a shake of his head, “and, do well.”

 

_ Say what now? Do well?  _ Seungmin thinks and tilts his head in question, Woojin notices his confusion and rubs his neck like he’s uncomfortable under the younger boy’s intense stare, “I mean, work hard and practice a lot, do as Chan tells you to,” Seungmin frowns and Woojin realizes that he’s not getting his point across.

 

“I’ve never seen you train so I don’t know how good you are, but I was a transfer just like you and your friends, and it’s no secret that we have it harder than the Dauntless-born, so I’m saying, you can repay me by throwing that bag away and getting through Dauntless training. I’ve really enjoyed talking to you Seungmin-ah, and you seem like a good kid, I’d hate to see you fail.” Seungmin’s speechless after Woojin’s small rant, they haven’t even known each other for an hour and yet Woojin seems to care about him, he’s unused to such affection from someone that isn’t Felix and it makes his heart skip a beat. He feels warm and fuzzy, not that he would ever admit that.

  
  


“Oh,” is all he can say and Woojin looks down sheepishly, “I’m sorry if that sounded weird Seungmin-ah, I just-”

 

“No!” Seungmin rushed out perhaps a bit louder than necessary but it makes Woojin stop and stare at him, “no?” he questions, eyes wary, and Seungmin tries to think of a clever response quickly, “I meant no as in, no, don’t take your words back. They didn’t sound weird, I just wasn’t expecting...you to care,” Woojin’s shoulders immediately drop and his features soften into a soft smile.

 

“We transfers gotta stick together, don’t we?” as much as Seungmin would like to wholeheartedly agree, he can’t help but feel like they’re not  _ supposed  _ to stick together, after all, they chose Dauntless, so now they have to be Dauntless, but perhaps on some level he can understand, as there are certain thing about Dauntless that he’ll never fully be able to understand solely because he’s not Dauntless-born- or even Dauntless for that matter, if his test is anything to go by- so maybe it isn’t too weird to stick to people that can empathize with you. 

 

“I suppose,” he answers and hopes Woojin doesn’t press the matter further. He doesn’t. Instead, he claps his hands once more and pushes something on the side of the table and like magic, the door behind Seungmin opens. “You should go find your friends before that Felix breaks your rule,” that makes Seungmin remember that he didn’t come here alone and that his friend is indeed somewhere out there without his surveillance, and even worse, under the surveillance of Jeongin.

 

* * *

 

 

So Jeongin had been no help at all, in fact, he’d been encouraging Felix just like Seungmin predicted and Felix is now sporting one very large dragon on his left upper arm, three swirls- the symbol for air- on his chest, directly above his heart, and a small cross behind his ear. It’s not as bad as it could have been, thankfully, but Seungmin still sends Felix a look to which the boy only shrugs helplessly as if to say ‘what? I had your permission’.

 

“Did you get anything, Jeongin-ah?” Jeongin shakes his head and looks down at his shoes, and it has the two older boys frowning at him before sharing a look of their own, both boys noticing the tell-signs of lying. Seungmin raises his brow in question as Felix but Felix only shrugs, he’d been pretty occupied on his own so it’s possible that Jeongin got a tattoo without him noticing. “Alright,” Seungmin says, obviously not believing the boy but for once choosing not to question him, “anyways,” Felix claps his hands together to emphasize, “does anyone wanna go and explore this place a bit?” both Seungmin and Jeongin perk up at the idea and nod their heads eagerly, “well then that’s settled, let’s go!”

 

* * *

 

  
  


They’re sitting in the same waiting room as last week, only slightly more nervous now that they know what can happen in there, and how real it can really feel. And on top of having to do the fear simulation again, their trainer and leader Chan isn’t going to administer it today because something came up and he had to leave them, so not only will they be facing their greatest fears again, but it will also be in front of a complete stranger.  _ Great _ , Jeongin thinks.

 

Yet again Felix gets called first but Seungmin has still not been able to figure out why the order is as it is, it’s certainly not by age nor by name. Felix waves them goodbye, Seungmin doesn’t miss how his hands are shaking, and then he’s out of sight and the door closes behind him. 

 

Felix has only been inside the room once previously and yet it feels like a prison cell he’s lived in for thirty years, the color and the texture of the walls all too familiar to him, and especially the reclining chair in the middle. He sits down and grabs the glass the unknown man hands him, chugs down the same black liquid as before and hands the glass back, “my name’s Yugyeom and I’ll be administering your test today, if you have any questions, ask someone else,” the man- Yugyeom- tells him before he presses the cylinder tub to his neck and the familiar pressure returns. Felix leans back in the chair and closes his eyes wanting to get it over with as soon as possible and as he feels the effects beginning to take place and his consciousness fade away he begs that he won’t have to go through the same thing as last week again.

 

Felix awakes to an all too familiar picture- he’s sitting in his seat in his old classroom back in Candor, Seungmin directly in front of him and Karen to the right of him, their old teacher standing at the front of the classroom explaining some sort of equation that Felix can’t even begin to fathom.  _ What am I doing here?  _ He thinks as he takes a look around, there’s nothing out of the ordinary to be seen, no one’s got an eye hanging from its socket or their head smashed, brain spilling out on their desk.

 

It starts small, so small that he doesn’t even think much of it, he scratches his wrist where it itches and goes back to looking at the board and the impossible equation, the itching this time is in his fingers and it’s a bit harder to scratch but he tries his best. His wrist itches and tingles again and this time he takes a look at it to see if there’s anything visible disturbing him and at first he sees nothing but his wrist, no marks or anything. But then he sees it, the tiniest movement in the middle of his wrist, at first it only seems like a vein cramping, but then the cramping moves under his skin and it itches just like before. “What the-” he whispers to himself as he traces the movement with his eyes diligently.

 

In a matter of seconds, his whisper turns into a shout as he notices the shape of the cramping- the shape of a bug. And one becomes two, two becomes three, and suddenly he feels them everywhere. He practically falls out of his seat as he scratches his skin and screams, he feels them in his legs and pulls up the left pant leg to see his skin bubbling with all the bugs crawling under it, “get them out!” he shouts to no one in particular but his classmates only look at him funny and point at him, whispers of ‘that kid  is so weird’ can be heard’ and Felix cries at the bugs crawl up his body. He screams when he feels them climb up his chest and he bangs his fists against himself to try and squash them under his skin but it’s fruitless as they continue to climb and now he feels them in his hair. He shakes his head wildly and some of them fall off and land on the shiny white floor, he screams even louder when he sees them crawling towards him, “please! Squash them! There are bugs everywhere!”his teachers voice reaches his ears and he looks up through his tears to see his teacher at the front with her head tilted in confusion and a hand on her hip, “there are no bugs here Mr. Lee, this room is sanitized,” he screams at her, screams at his classmates, screams at Seungmin who hasn’t even turned his head towards him.

 

He screams and screams until he can’t anymore, his voice disappears as his body is overtaken by a coughing fit originating from the tickling in his throat, “no, no, no,” he begs hoarsely but then he feels it, the same thing that’s claiming the rest of his body, the unmistakable feeling of the bugs crawling up his throat, he coughs and coughs and tries to make himself throw up by heaving painfully but the tingling sensation continues as they make their way up and then he feels one on his tongue and he spits it out, he doesn’t stop spitting until his mouth has no saliva left and he has to pause to get his mouth wet again. But his begins to fill up with bugs and he heaves and lets his mouth fall open, leaning on his hands and knees to get the bugs to fall out of him, “please” he begs as more bugs continue to fall out of his mouth but every time one falls out the number in his body seems to double and he collapses on the floor, crying as the bugs crawl mercilessly through his body. He feels like it’ll never end.

 

But the little luck he’s got left is on his side because with the next bug that crawls out of his mouth his vision goes black and he wakes up in the dimly lit room with the strong urge to vomit, as if Yugyeom can read his mind a plastic bag is pushed into his hands and he immediately heaves heavily into it, this time actually managing to throw up and he’s pleased to see no bugs crawling in the bag, but he still feels like his entire body is tingling and he shudders and rolls his shoulder to try and get rid of the feeling, “that was fucking disgusting, man,” Yugyeom tells him and Felix nods silently, still breathing heavily from throwing up. “You can sit here for like two minutes but you'll have to leave after that,” Felix bows his head in thanks and leans back in the chair, no longer feeling like he’s about to heave his lungs up but he’s not ready to stand yet, his legs feel like jelly and his mind foggy. 

 

Yugyeom, who’s standing by the computer, shudders himself and turns back to Felix, “man, that sim is gonna give _ me  _ nightmares,” Felix manages to chuckle weakly, his mouth tastes sour from throwing up and his throat feels raw but nonetheless he finds it funny, because now that he’s not in the sim anymore he realizes how truly unrealistic and bizarre it really was.

 

“Sorry dude, but your two minutes are up,” Yugyeom tells him with an ounce of sympathy visible on his face and Felix groans but reluctantly gets up from his seat, vomit bag in one hand and the other rubbing his sore throat, “there’s a trash can outside, you can just dump that-” he points to the bag, “-in there, okay?” Felix nods and bows in thanks but Yugyeom waves it off, “don’t worry about it, this isn’t the first time,” that makes Felix feel a little better about himself and he thanks him again before heading out, he spots the bin and hastily rids himself of the bag before dragging his hands through his hair and over his body in a full once-over, but when he feels no bugs he sighs in relief and heads down the corridor for some well-needed rest- he hopes all goes well for Seungmin and Jeongin.

 

* * *

 

Seungmin notices that he’s called in earlier this time and it only adds to the confusion of the order in which they’re called, he tries not to pay it any mind when his name is called  after only one person other than Felix has been called, sending a smile Jeongin’s way he leaves the boy alone with the other initiates and heads inside the familiar green room. The man tells him his name and asks him to sit down in the chair, and in what feels like a matter of seconds he's already downed the black liquid and is leaning back into the chair, the sting in his neck lasts for a bare moment before it’s gone and he feels the familiar feeling of losing consciousness beginning to overtake him. 

 

When he awakens he’s strapped into a chair in a familiar hall, his legs and arms tied to the chair and his back in an uncomfortably straight position. He’s in the courtroom back in Candor, he realizes and immediately he feels his heart jump and his breath get caught. He’s been in this room before multiple times with his classmates when they’ve sat through hearings with criminals and even sentences, as a way of showing them what will happen to criminals and show them how they're sentenced. Someone places a cylinder object very much like the one used to inject them before the simulation, but this is not at all the same thing, this is an injection that forces you to tell the truth; the truth serum.

 

Seungmin has seen the truth serum in action before, seen as people’s secrets have spilled out of them and how much it has hurt them when they’ve tried to stop themselves when they’ve tried to lie. In some ways, he’s always hated it for being so forceful, for literally forcing people to spill everything you’re asking for, but in some ways, he’s always loved it solely for that reason. It’s easy to lie to someone’s face, to tell them you went to the bathroom when you actually snuck away to do something else or tell them you were homesick when you were actually skipping school to hang out with friends. But the truth serum doesn’t lie, and so, therefore, when someone has committed a crime, they can’t get out of it, there is no need for such easily made up things such as an alibi, not when you have the truth serum where no matter how many hours you spent memorizing your alibi won’t matter.

 

He feels it the moment the serum is injected into him, he feels all of his deepest and darkest secrets and thoughts resurface, feels them on the tip of his tongue; he tries to swallow the words before they’re spoken in front of the hundreds of people in the hall. “Kim Seungmin,” he perks up at the sound of his name and feels all the eyes in the room fall upon him, “do you know why you’re here?”  silently he begins to shake his head but it's like his neck locks in place and he can't move it to his wish, the man repeats the question again and yet again Seungmin tries to shake his head, only this time he can't fight it and he begins to nod.

 

_ I don't know why I'm here, why am I nodding!  _ He stresses to himself. “Why are you here, then?” the man asks and Seungmin wants to scream that he doesn't know but even the thought of the words have him choking up, “I-” he begins, “I did s-something bad,”  _ no I didn't! _

 

“What did you do Mr. Kim?”  _ nothing!  _ “I k-k-killed someone,” he feels sick to his stomach as the words leave his mouth because it's not true, the truth serum is making him  _ lie _ . And he can't stop it.

 

“You killed someone?”  _ no, no, no!  _ “Y-yes” his body hurts as he continues to try and tell the truth but all that comes out of him is lies. He's never killed anyone, he hasn't even bodily harmed anyone badly enough for it to be considered a crime (he's hit Felix, though, that doesn't count)

 

“For the crime you have committed, you will be stripped of your name, your faction, and everything attached to your name, you will be sentenced to thirty years in prison before you'll be released to the factionless” Seungmin screams in agony and it bounces off the walls in the overly acoustic room, “no please! I didn't-” with a painful groan he cuts himself off as it feels like he's swallowed multiple sharp blades and they scratch his throat.  _ Why can't I tell the truth? Why am I lying? _

 

Someone begins to roll his chair forward and Seungmin desperately tries to shake his head no but it’s so tightly stuck to the chair that he can’t turn no matter how much he tries.  _ I haven’t done anything! You can’t do this! I’m innocent!  _  No words manage to leave his mouth and he feels physically sick as he’s taken away, strapped down into a chair made for criminals, and the last thing he sees before his vision blackens is his parents’ indifferent faces.

With a gasp he emerges from his simulation and pulls his legs up to his chest so he can rest his forehead on his knees,  _ it wasn’t real this is real, you haven’t killed anyone, you’re not a criminal, you’re still Kim Seungmin. _

  
  


“Gotta say, I’ve never seen the truth serum in action, but that was pretty terribl-”

 

“That wasn’t the truth serum,” Seungmin says harshly and glares at Yugyeom whose eyes widen slightly, “that wasn’t real, I- it made me lie,” Yugyeom realizes what he’s getting at and holds his hands up in defense, “wow, okay, I wasn’t saying you actually killed someone, I just- It doesn’t matter, just take a sec to breathe alright?” 

 

Seungmin buries his face in his hands and sucks in a deep breath to calm himself down, he didn’t mean to attack the man so harshly, he just wanted him to know that what he saw wasn’t true, but then again, Yugyeom must have seen enough of this to know that almost nothing is true in the simulations. 

 

Hopping off the seat Seungmin steadies himself before bowing, “I’m sorry,” he mumbles before leaving for the exit, “hey, you don’t have to leave yet-” the door closes with a bang leaving Yugyeom behind in the empty room. Dragging a hand through his hair Yugyeom checks the next name on the list while silently cursing Chan in his head, promising himself to shout at him later for forcing him to do this.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Jeongin’s one of the last ones again, only difference is that this time Kaz has been moved up to third last and one of the Erudite transfers has ended up in the bottom with him. He expects the new man to call for the other boy but he’s pleasantly surprised when he’s called in before him,  _ what kind of list is this?  _  He wonders while rising from his seat, “bye,” he waves towards the erudite boy who does nothing but look down at his feet and ignores him. 

 

“O-kay,” paying the boy’s silence no mind Jeongin enters the room he’s been dreading and immediately takes a seat in the chair of nightmares. “I’m Yugyeom,” now let’s get this show on the road,” Yugyeom doesn’t give him any time to hesitate because in a matter of seconds he downs the black liquid, he's injected into the neck with the cylinder object and then his vision goes black.

 

Only to wake up in his old hammock back in Amity, the sun shining through the fluttering curtains and hitting his face, he feels the warmth on his skin and smells the fresh air, it smells like dirt and grass and home. It feels too good to be true, Jeongin thinks, and just as the thought crosses his mind he gets pushed out of the hammock and lands harshly on the wooden floor with a loud smack, his cheek hits the ground first and he groans in pain. “Get up,” a cold voice sounds in the room and Jeongin’s entire body freezes up,  _ no, it can’t be _ , but it is,  right before him stands his father, face set in an angry scowl with his boots tightly laced and his hands balled into fists.

 

“I said get  _ up _ ,” he emphasizes the word with a kick to Jeongin’s stomach and the boy curls in on himself with a whine. With a struggle he gets himself up onto his hands and knees, slowly managing to stand up in front of his father who looks at him with a pleased look, “see, I knew you could do it, your brother would never listen to me, y’know, he would always ignore me out of spite,. But not you, son,” Jeongin tries to ignore the way his skin crawls when he hears the word son, “not you, you’re better than your brother,”  _ no, you’re wrong _ . 

 

Jeongin can’t help the wince when his father’s palm touches his cheek in a  _ lovingly _ caress, so very different from mere seconds ago. Squeezing his eyes shut he hopes that his father missed the wince, hopes he’ll leave Jeongin alone now and go do something else. But of course, luck is never on Jeongin’s side, because the hand still on his cheek before disappearing altogether. 

 

“Why do you cower under my touch, boy,” Jeongin knows that tone, has heard it more times than he can count and it’s never a good sign, “I-” there’s nothing he can say that’ll calm his father down, he knows that, if anything, no matter what he says he’ll only succeed in making him angrier.

 

The slap comes unexpectedly, on the same cheek his father so gently caressed, and his head whips to the side by the force of it. It stings and awful lot and Jeongin immediately tears up, “I’m sorry,” he mumbles without knowing what exactly it is that he’s apologizing for, “you’re sorry?” his father mocks and pushes him backwards so that he stumbles a bit over his own feet, “sorry for what?”  _ I don’t know! _

 

“I-I’m… for everything,” it’s not good enough, nothing ever is, and his father never hesitates in telling him so. When the next blow comes it’s a balled fist that hits Jeongin’s other cheek and makes his vision all blurry, his head feels all shaken and he stumbles on his own accord this time. “F-father-” the punch to his stomach renders him breathless and he falls onto his knees, desperately gasping for air.

 

“Don’t show weakness, Jeongin-ah! if there’s anything I’ve taught you it’s that!” his voice sounds hysterical and his eyes are open wide like he’s afraid to close them, he looks crazy, Jeongin thinks. “It’s time to man up, boy!” he kicks Jeongin right in the head with his heavy boots and Jeongin doesn’t think he’s ever experienced pain this bad, he falls heavily onto his side with nothing to catch him and closes his eyes.

 

“Be better than Hyunjin!” he lets out a sob at the mention of his brother and curls in on himself, “Hyunjin was evil and selfish, and only thought of himself, be better than that, be better than your brother,” Jeongin covers his ears and tries to block out his father’s voice. Hyunjin was anything but evil and selfish, he was anything but and Jeongin can’t stand to hear anything bad about him. “You need to be strong, son or you're gonna end up like him! You’re gonna end up like that basta-”

 

With a gasp Jeongin sits up, almost giving himself whiplash from the speed, and almost immediately a piercing headache rips through his head, “it’s the after-shock, your brain hasn’t...had the time to figure out that it wasn’t real, y’know” Jeongin nods despite not actually listening to what Yugyeom has to say, he just wants it to stop. “Just...give it some time,” Yugyeom’s never been the best at comforting and his strategy has almost always resulted in slightly offensive yet comedic jabs, but he doesn’t think that’s the best idea after he’s just witnessed someone get beaten up by their dad.

 

“I...you have a few minutes, just try to take some nice breaths, alright?” the headache’s beginning to lessen and slowly Jeongin manages to open his eyes without extreme pain striking him, it’s more of a dull headache now but he can deal with that, that’s nothing. But as the physical effects begin to disappear he starts to remember what he just went through, and surprisingly his first reaction isn’t  _ that was horrible I never want to do that again,  _ no, it’s  _ how could I not realize that it wasn’t real? He called him Hyunjin, he never did that. _

  
  


Without a word Jeongin hops off the chair and straightens his pants, remembering the stitches he got on his knee only a week ago and almost laughs right then and there, he had thought that was quite painful, not the worst but he’d certainly felt a bit sorry for himself, but now...he’d take  and getting stitches all day and everyday over what he just went through.

 

“Bye,” he mumbles to Yugyeom, so quietly he wonders if he even said it out loud himself, and then he leaves the room silently, not even bothering to hear how he did (because they are still being evaluated on this, it’s not just  for some sadistic fun, or at least Jeongin doesn’t think it is, he hopes.)

 

Not wanting to face Felix or Seungmin just yet, Jeongin heads to an empty staircase and sits down with his face buried in his hands,  _ I should have known it wasn’t real, why didn’t I realize?  _ He never wants to go through that again, never wants to do another fear simulation if all it’s gonna do is bring back his old memories because he doesn’t feel scared afterward, only sad.

 

He can’t help but think that it would have gone better if Chan was the one administering it, not that he knows Chan or trust him particularly, but he does feel...safe around him. Even after he slammed him up against a wall and shouted at him. For some reason Jeongin feels like there’s just a bit more to him than just he icy persona that matches his silver hair, he kind of reminds him of Hyunjin, in a way. Not that he knows how it could possibly have gone any better just because Chan was in the room with him, but a boy can dream. But...why wasn’t Chan there? 

 

* * *

 

“What happened?”

“A group of rebels set up over by the hill, we couldn’t have seen them coming!” a distraught soldier answers as he jumps out the back of one of their trucks, “everyone’s marked with a color, most of the black tags are in the second truck,” Minho nods, face as emotionless as possible, if he shows he’s alarmed by anything chaos will ensue.

 

“Alright listen up!” he shouts above the pained screams of the soldiers, “yellow ones go directly to the clinic! Red tags are a priority, orange tags are second, black tags...you know the drill,” everyone begins to lift out the injured ones from the vans and those that can walk on their own limp away toward the clinic.

 

“Minho-ya!” a shout comes from around the second van and when he looks over his breath hitches, Hwang’s lying on one of the stretchers, his lips stained red and his chest rising and falling with difficulty. “Hwang,” he whispers to himself before grabbing his medical bag and rushing over, he’s red-tagged,  _ I can work with that _ .

 

“H-hyung,” Hyunjin mumbles out, his entire midsection is covered in blood and he’s pale and clammy, Minho immediately grabs his stethoscope and takes a listen, “diminished breath sounds on the left side, shit.”

 

“What does that mean?” one of the soldiers asks urgently and Minho gestures for the people around to help him move the stretcher, “tension pneumothorax, it’s ah- his lung’s collapsed and it’s leaking oxygen into his chest, we need to move him, quick! and someone call Chan!”

 

“H-hyung,” Hyunjin gasps out and Minho looks away from him, “quit your whining, Hwang, you’ll be fine,” when Hyunjin suddenly falls silent, not even a breath escaping him, Minho stops hastily and gestures for the others to do as well. “Shit, shit!”

 

He opens his medical bag and pulls out large bore, “someone cut his shirt open, we’re gonna have to do this here,” pulling out some antiseptic liquid he squirts his over Hyunjin’s chest and rubs it in to get as much of the germs away before cleaning the bore as well, “he feels around for the correct spot and when he finds it he takes a deep breath, “this better work, don’t you die on me,” he mumbles before sticking the needle directly into the younger man’s chest.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And happy new year!!!<3 <3 <3


	8. A Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changbin has a heart.  
> Jeongin's in the red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, you have NO IDEA how much your comments mean to me! They've been the one thing motivating me to not give up on this story.  
> I'm in my third and final year of High school and have a HUGE and final assignment to write which will give me the points to graduate, if I fail I won't be able to graduate. That's my excuse for being gone for so long, I'm so sorry for the wait but I'm really trying to not fail life over here. 
> 
> Anyways, enough about me, this chapter is shorter than my previous ones but I hope you enjoy what I've written.
> 
> Thank you sooooo much for your support!!!

 

 

Seungmin can tell something’s wrong as soon as Jeongin steps foot inside their sleeping hall, he’s pale as a ghost and he’s got a vacant look in his eyes, like he’s not really there with them. His hands are clenched tightly at his sides and his legs stiff as a board, his shoulders are drawn up tightly and Seungmin can see the tremors running through him. He moves the sleeping Felix’s head out of his lap and gets up from the bed to meet Jeongin halfway, but when they’re standing right in front of each other it’s like Jeongin can’t tell that he’s there, his eyes show no sign of recognition as he stares right at- right through- Seungmin.

 

“Jeongin-ah?” Seungmin tests the waters tentatively by calling his name quietly, but when that has no effect he takes a different approach and steps a bit closer, bending his knees a bit so that his face is right in front of Jeongin’s, “Jeongin-ah?” he tries again, this time looking right into the younger boy’s eyes, yet they remain unfocused and milky.

 

Seungmin straightens up again and looks behind him at Felix who by now has woken up and is sitting up in his bed staring straight at them, he raises is brows in question and Seungmin shakes his head solemnly. Finally realizing he might need to take a more direct approach Seungmin raises his arms and puts his hands on Jeongin’s shoulders, and if he wanted a reaction he surely got one, although not in the way he was expecting. Jeongin flinches under his touch and jumps back a step, winding his arms around his middle and hunching over a bit as if Seungmin just punched him in the stomach. 

 

His eyes, albeit focused now, look as frightened as a deer caught in headlights and they shift from Seungmin to Felix and Felix to Seungmin, back and forth as if he’s studying them- making sure they are who he thinks they are. I’m sorry,” Seungmin utters with his hands up to show that he won’t try to touch the younger again.

 

Jeongin nods to show that he understands but he stays quiet and in the same position, “Jeonginie?” Felix’s raspy voice joins them and Jeongin’s eyes travel to meet the older boy’s, “wanna come sit with us?” it’s an open and innocent question and Felix makes no move for Jeongin to join him on the bed, only sits and waits for Jeongin’s answer. He wants the boy to know that he’s free to do whatever he wants and if he doesn’t want to sit with them Felix won’t force him. Silence stretches between them and Seungmin sits next to Felix on the bed and pulls his knees up to his chest to make room for Jeongin if he decides to sit next to them, but Jeongin makes no move to do anything, he stays in the middle and looks around himself as if it’s the first time he’s ever stepped inside the room.

 

Seungmin and Felix exchange a worried look and Seungmin reaches over and grabs Felix’s arm, ‘ _ Chan’ _ he spells out in the palm of Felix’s hand and Felix nods slightly. ‘ _ Where?’ _ he writes back in Seungmin’s palm, however, unfortunately, Seungmin has no answer for him and shrugs helplessly. Chan’s never told them where they can find him when he’s not with them, probably because he’s  _ always  _ with them except for when they sleep, and today’s the only day they haven’t seen the older man even once which makes matters even more complicated. Felix cocks his head to the door and meets Seungmin’s eyes and with a nod from Seungmin he gets off the bed and past Jeongin to the doors where he exits out into the hallway, and to Seungmin’s worry, Jeongin barely notices.  _ What the hell happened in his fear simulation? _

 

While Jeongin continues to stand in the middle of the room and Seungmin keeps looking at him from the bed, Felix is on a mission to find Chan, the only problem is that he has no idea where to start. The Dauntless compound isn’t exactly known for being a walk in the park, no, more like a walk in a giant underground maze where if you fall in the wrong spot you’re dead. 

 

Felix spots a heavily tattooed man walking towards him and waves to get his attention, “can I help you, kid?” Felix nods eagerly, “I’m looking for our trainer Chan, you wouldn’t happen to know where he is?” a forlorn look travels across the man’s face and he shakes his head, “nah, there’s been an accident on a mission so everyone’s a bit all over the place, sorry kid, I’d say he’s somewhere around the infirmary but I wouldn’t go there if I were you, it’s messy,” with that the man leaves him and Felix’s frown deepens.

 

_ An accident? I hope no one we know was involved,  _ shaking his head to get his head back on track he continues down the hallway, the closest place that he knows of is the dining hall and with a lot of hope and luck, he might find Chan there. Practically running down the winding stairs he makes it to the dining hall in record time and once the doors open he realizes that it’s practically empty, breakfast time is over and lunch hasn’t started yet but there’s usually a few people snacking away on something. He scans the room for the familiar silver hair but comes up short- until he spots a familiar head of black hunched in his seat.

 

“Changbin!” he calls out unnecessarily loud and the man’s head swivels to find the source of the call, “hey,” Felix says a bit breathless when he reaches the Dauntless-born and Changbin regards him silently, doesn’t even scoff in annoyance like he usually does which has Felix frowning. “What do you want?” he asks coldly yet Felix notices that he doesn’t sound as angry as he does tired, resigned. “I- uh, I need your help, or...Jeongin does,” Changbin’s eyes show no sign of having heard the younger but Felix knows that he did, he sighs heavily and slumps over in his seat a bit more.

 

“I’ve got more important things to do than help some useless kid,” there’s a bite to his words and for once his flippant attitude actually manages to anger Felix,  _ this is Jeongin we’re talking about, and he’s  _ **_not_ ** _ useless. _ “Like what, huh?” Felix questions sassily, his arms crossing over his chest and his stance straightened, “like sit here and… and mope?”

 

Changbin’s eyes light up with anger and he hits his palm harshly against the table, the sound echoes in the practically empty dining hall and Felix flinches slightly before he schools his expression. Changbin clenches his fist and holds it up to his mouth as if he’s physically holding himself back from cursing at the younger or saying something he’ll regret,  _ if only I’d found Chan instead. _

“What’s wrong with him?” Changbin asks suddenly and Felix’s brain can’t make sense of the quick change in attitude, “ah- what?” with a heavy sigh Changbin drags a hand across his face and levels him with a deadpanned face, “the kid, what’s wrong with him?”  _ oh! Jeongin.  _ “I- uh, well...we don’t really know, he came back from his fear simulation and now he won’t talk to us, at all. He’s like there but not really, you know? His eyes are unfocused and when Seungmin tried to touch him he freaked out,” Changbin rubs his chin in thought and nods as he thinks over the boy’s words, it’s not unusual per se to be in a state of shock after the fear simulations, but it’s not supposed to incapacitate you.

 

“He’s probably just in shock, you know, it’ll probably pass in a while,” Changbin explains matter of factly but not unkindly, he understands that Felix is worried for his friend and he respects it- hell, he’s in the same situation- but his competition is over, and the kids’ has just started. As bad as it sounds, during Dauntless initiation the consensus is ‘every man for himself’, but if Changbin truly believed in that his life would be a lot different by now.

 

“Take me to him,” he says and Felix startles before nodding eagerly. Shooting his tray away from himself Changbin stands up and follows Felix out the door,  _ maybe if I can’t help my...friend I might be able to help someone else’s _ , Changbin thinks as he follows Felix up the stairs, refraining from telling him to stick to the inner parts of the stairs, even with having lived here his entire life he doesn’t enjoy walking at the very edge like a man with a death wish.

 

They reach the sleeping hall fairly quickly and Jeongin is just where he was when Felix left, but Seungmin has moved from the bed to sitting on the floor with his back against the bed, eyes locked on Jeongin; they flicker up to meet Felix’s gaze and he raises a brow when he sees who’s with Felix. “That’s not Chan,” Seungmin states bluntly and Felix shrugs, “couldn’t find him, found the second best, though.”

 

“Well, gee, thanks,” Changbin mumbles sarcastically, bumping his shoulder with Felix’s before walking over to Jeongin who’s eyes once more have glazed over and are staring at nothing. Changbin takes a look at him and notices the way he’s holding himself like his stomach hurts.  _ Did someone jump him on the way back? _

 

“Hey,” he snaps his fingers in front of Jeongin’s face but gets no reaction, “hey,” he says a bit more forcefully and snaps again, Seungmin starts to get up from his position to pull Changbin away from Jeongin but Felix shakes his head at him, he trusts Changbin even though his method at the moment seems a bit harsh.

 

“Hey!” Changbin tries again and this time Jeongin’s eyes snap up to meet Changbin’s. They’re unusually large and flickering all over the place, full of fear and anxiety. “What’s wrong with you?” Changbin asks but gets no response, not that he was expecting one. “Huh? Did you see some shit in there? Is that what this is?” he keeps going despite Jeongin not answering him.

 

“What’d you see? Where you up high? On top of a building maybe, ‘fraid of heights? Nah, you’re not scared of that. What was it then? Someone hurt you? Does your side hurt?” the first flash of recognition passes Jeongin’s eyes and Changbin knows he’s getting closer. “Yeah? Someone hurt you, huh. Who was it?” no answer again.

 

“Was it Seungmin?” Felix did say he flinched when Seungmin tried to touch him, but judging by the lack of reaction that’s not correct. “No, it wasn’t Seungmin. Felix then?” Jeongin shudders but doesn’t speak, “not Felix either, did I hit you? Are you afraid of me? Or was it Chan? Maybe someone at home,” Jeongin’s eyes widen and Changbin refrains from mumbling ‘jackpot’.

 

“Yeah, someone at home. Was it a guard? Maybe a teacher? No, someone closer to you, a friend maybe, or your-”

 

“Stop,” it’s so quiet that they almost miss it, but Changbin’s been waiting for the crack to happen, and he stops talking immediately. “There you are,” he mumbles quietly and Jeongin blinks, a tear slips down his cheek. “Stop,” he repeats and Changbin nods, his face unmoving with no sign of emotion, he wants Jeongin to come out of this on his own, not with the coaxing of Changbin’s own emotions.

 

“Stop,” Jeongin repeats, louder this time and Changbin steps closer to the boy until they’re almost touching, “I’m not saying anything,” Jeongin shakes his head and sniffles, “stop,” he says again and Changbin frowns,  _ oh no, the kid’s gonna cry. _

 

“Stop, please, I-” while Changbin sees this as progress he also sees where it’s heading and steps in before it can evolve into full-blown panic, “ya,” he mutters and grabs Jeongin’s shoulders, similarly to how Seungmin had grabbed him before, Jeongin flinches again but unlike Seungmin Changbin doesn’t let him go.

 

“Hey, you gotta wake up from whatever’s going on in your head, kid,” Jeongin’s glassy eyes meet Changbin’s and his lip wobbles dangerously, “no, no, no,” Jeongin mumbles as his breath hitches and Changbin really wishes Chan was here too. His hands travel up from Jeongin’s shoulders to grab his cheeks and out of reflex he wipes away the drying tear, “hey, look at me, you’re in the sleeping hall, you’re not in Amity or wherever you think you are, your friends are right here with you and you know me, I’m no Chan but you know me, alright? Now  _ calm down _ .”

 

His words seem to have an effect as Jeongin’s breathing calms and his eyes fixate on Changbin’s rather than everywhere and nowhere, “Dauntless,” he mumbles and Changbin nods, “Dauntless,” he confirms, “not Amity,” Jeongin adds and Changbin frowns before responding, “yeah, not in Amity, kid.” Jeongin’s tense shoulder relax a fraction and Changbin sighs in relief, “get some rest,” he leads Jeongin to where Seungmin sits and Seungmin tentatively stands and reaches out for the younger boy who thankfully doesn’t flinch when Seungmin’s hand lands on his arm. Changbin steps away from them when he sees that Seugmin’s got him, his job here is done, but on his way out he’s stopped by a pair of hands, “thank you,” Felix says seriously, relief clear as day and no sign of the usual childish amusement in his eyes. He looks different from what Changbin’s used to, more mature. He doesn’t know what to answer so he simply nods before shaking Felix’s hands off of him and exiting the hall out into the empty corridor, he has another stop in mind now, one that he didn’t have the courage to visit before, but now he walks with renewed confidence; he can do this.

 

Except he most certainly can  _ not  _ do this. Hyunjin’s lying pale as a corpse in his hospital bed with a large bandage covering his naked chest and stomach, he’s hooked up to a ventilator and the only thing proving that he’s still alive is the steady beeping of the heart monitor and the slow rise of his chest. He looks dead and Changbin feels sick just looking at him.

 

“He looks worse than he is,” a voice sounds from behind Changbin and without looking he can tell that it’s Minho. He turns his head slightly to look at the doctor and he can’t remember a time he’s ever seen Minho so disheveled. His hair is all over the place, the bags under his eyes heavy and there’s blood everywhere, his white coat coated red. “What happened?” Changbin questions and Minho studies him for a minute, silently, his eyes unreadable and his mouth set in a thin line. “He got shot, his stomach was a mess and the bullet nicked a rib which punctured his lung so he couldn't’ breathe, had to go in and fix it…” Minho pauses and Changbin waits patiently.

 

“We lost him, twice, but that stubborn bastard didn’t fucking want to die, he’ll be fine with lots of rest,” Changbin drags a hand through his hair and exhales loudly, he and Hyunjin aren’t exactly best pals, for some reason, they like to pick on each other and have always been rivals, but Changbin doesn’t hate him, and he certainly doesn’t want him dead. To be honest, he doesn’t know why they’re such assholes to each other, they were the top two in their class and were rivals from day one but Changbin remembers when they were placed on the same team for an exercise and Hyunjin saved him from getting shot; he wouldn’t do that if he hated him.

 

“If you want to help you can clean the blood off of him, just be careful with the bandages, don’t want the stitches to get wet or reopen,” with that Minho leaves him at Hyunjin’s bedside and disappears to somewhere Changbin can’t see. It’s unnerving to be so close to his ‘enemy’  _ frenemy maybe? Do people still use that word? _ and not be bickering about something unimportant so Changbin decides to get busy to avoid his thoughts. He grabs a bowl of lukewarm water and a small towel which he dips in the water. He starts by wiping the blood from Hyunjin’s face away with tentative strokes, not wanting to disturb the man even though he’s gone to the world and will be for hours with all the drugs they’re pumping into him. 

 

There’s blood around his mouth but Changbin doesn’t dare to get close to it in case he manages to nudge the ventilator and kill him or something, he wrings out the towel back into the bowl and watches as the water turns pink. His hair is caked in blood that has dried and stiffened and Changbin wonders who’s it is as he wipes it away, the water turning redder by the minute.

 

“He’d kill you if he woke up right now,” Changbin startles and almost spills the bloody water onto himself, there, by the foot of the bed stands Chan, he doesn’t look angry but he doesn’t look happy either. “I know,” Changbin answers and goes back to washing away the blood.

 

“What are you doing here?” Chan questions and Changbin doesn’t know what to answer to do that because he doesn’t know himself, “I don’t know,” he settles for and can practically hear how Chan frowns. “I said some pretty stupid shit,” Changbin mumbles, “I guess I should apologize.”

 

“Yeah you should,” Chan answers and moves from the foot of the bed to beside it on the opposite side of Changbin, Changbin looks up from his task at Chan and hesitates for a moment, “do you think I’ll get the chance to?” Chan’s jaw tenses for a split second before he relaxes and if Changbin wasn’t already staring at him intensely he would have missed it. “I know you will... question is if you’ll take the chance,” Changbin doesn’t do false promises, so he stays quiet. He’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it. 

 

“We gotta tell the kids tomorrow,” he mumbles after a moment of silence, and for a second Chan looks disappointed as if he’d been expecting Changbin to say something about Hyunjin but then his expression changes and he nods solemnly, “I know.” “Don’t think Amity’s gonna make it,” he continues and Chan frowns, “I saw him a while ago, he wasn’t looking too good after his simulation.” Chan snorts, “when has anyone ever looked good after facing their worst fears?” Changbin shakes his head and puts down the pink towel, “he was completely gone afterward, kid’s gotta learn to shake things off,” even as he utters the words he knows that he sounds like a total douchebag, knows that it’s not that easy, but it’s what Dauntless expects and his own opinion on the matter doesn’t matter. 

 

“He’ll be fine,” Chan answers coldly and Changbin doesn’t bother to protest, “not without help,” he answers and Chan quickly adds, “then we’ll help him.” 

 

“What? You got a crush or something?” 

 

“He’ll make it, he’s Dauntless,”

 

“Except...he’s not, he’s Amity, you can’t be both,” that sets something off in Chan and his eyes fall to the ground, “right, you can’t be both,” and with that they fall silent, the only sound in the room being that of Hyunjin’s heartbeat monitor.  _ You can’t be both. _

 

* * *

 

  
  


“Now, this past week and a half has been your first week and a half as an official Dauntless initiate, whether you’re Dauntless-born or a transfer, it’s been rough for some of you but some of you have done well,” Chan stands with his arms clasped behind his back and his shoulders squared. He looks more tired than the boys have ever seen him before but they’re sure he’d still be able to take them down blindfolded with his legs tied. “The following weeks will have no mercy on you and neither will we,” he gestures to Changbin who simply nods at the crowd, “every day we’ve looked at what you’ve done and how well you’ve done it, and we’ve ranked you accordingly,” the screen behind the two trainers light up and their names appear with a number next to them.

 

Felix’s eyes widen to the size of saucers as he sees the number ‘one’ and his name next to it, he scans downward and finds Seungmin relatively quickly at number ‘12’, but as he continues to scan the list he can’t find Jeongin anywhere, it’s only when he reaches number ‘39’ that he finds him; marked in red.

 

“There are 42 of you but only 37 of you will make the final cut, 5 of you will become factionless at the end of the initiation and those marked in red are our candidates,” Changbin explains and Felix feels his blood freeze over, hurriedly he looks past Seungmin to where Jeongin’s standing stock still in shock.  _ Factionless? I can’t become factionless! I can’t, I-I can’t see dad again. _

 

“Any questions?” Nancy’s hand fly into the and although he doesn’t do it Seungmin can see Chan resisting the urge to roll his eyes, “so if you’re not marked red you can chill?” Chan snorts loudly and turns to Changbin with a smile so fake that even Jeongin can tell it’s not genuine.

 

“Yeah, that’s how it works, ain’t that right Binnie?” Changbin rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, “if this was paradise then maybe, but this is the real world and if you slack we move you from 16th to 40th place, how does that sound?” Nancy’s smug face falls and she swallows audibly. “Don’t think that just because you’re in the clear now you’ll be that ‘til the end, you might have noticed the order we called you in for the simulations has been different both times-”  _ so that’s the pattern _ , Seungmin thinks.

 

“-That’s because your performance changed in just a week, some slacked, others did better,” the silence that falls upon the group is deafening as they all listen tentatively. They’ve been working hard and sweating their butts off already but everyone’s always been under the impression that everyone will get to join Dauntless in the end as long as they complete the assignments, but now it’s also a matter of who does it the best; they’ll have to work harder than ever before.

 

“We clear?” Chan’s booming voice echoes in the training hall and it startles everyone out of their thoughts, “yes sir!” they respond loudly in chorus, louder than they’ve ever answered before and all Jeongin can think is that if he thought people were competitive before he’s got a lot more coming.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!  
> Again, I'm so sorry for the wait. <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, leave a comment if you (firstly, have time) liked it, comments really make my day!
> 
> Have a nice day/night/morning/afternoon <3


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